Hello there,
Don't lose hope - I too know what it is like to be full of hyperactive energy, quick to blow up, slow at calming down - always worrying and preoccupied and sleeping really badly. These are symptoms which you can use in your SFQ. Rather than seeing them as obstacles to your practice (which will no doubt make you even more frustrated and angry) see them instead as something to observe as part of your practice. The next time, in the heat of the moment when you're releasing anger, try to watch it and to pay attention to the sensations in your body. Focus on your breathing and let yourself stay with the emotion and the various sensations - they will change and release themselves the less you resist them. You may find that you are harnessing more vulnerable feelings behind the anger and the frustration - the more you begin practicing relaxation and getting in tune with your emotions and your body, the sooner you will find and release the original cause of the anger.
Try increasing your levels of physical exercise during the day too and try and get a pattern going re. going to bed - even if it means being in bed while still awake at night to begin with, perhaps you can even use this time to relax or meditate. Try not to fall into the trap of getting worried about not sleeping - if you make sure to get yourself out of bed earlier each day, working back gradually to a more reasonable time, you'll be surprised how you will get tired earlier in the evening. I have also found that cutting down on sugars and caffeine helps me sleep better and making sure I've had enough water during the day is also effective (dehydration can give you headaches and make you feel agitated).
Use SFQ to help you to focus and to let go. And remember, meditation is all about becoming aware of stress in your life - not about being perfectly at peace all of a sudden. Many people think that they "aren't good at meditating" if they don't feel relaxed. Often the opposite is true - the deeper the meditation, the more you realise how un-relaxed you are. So don't add that to the list of your worries... It's ok to be imperfect, stressed and frustrated. Just let it be and see what happens...
You're not alone in this so take care of yourself, be gentle and best of luck.
love
Ingrid
