Flow,
Yeah, procrastination definately holds me back, and I'm working on it.
PRing doesn't help me on this one because a procrasinator is a procrastinator until he changes the habit, not if he gets better tools.
Let's say a guy has problems paying his taxes on time because he keeps putting it off. So he buys TurboTax, which helps him do this task expediantly. He reasons that since it will take less time, he can get it done sooner and not have to worry about it. But the problem is that doing it sooner contradicts his procrastinator ways. What happens? He starts his tax forms even later, because now he knows it will go faster, and that he has more time to put it off. The end result is that it's still handed in when it normally would had he not purchased the software.
Same thing with PR. PR won't make you stop from procrastinating. It is a valuable tool that makes reading more efficient, just like TurboTax. The result is the same: I put off reading even later, because now I know I can do it faster, with more time to put it off.
To change procrastination, I have to change my habits, a problem I'm trying to resolve.
In truth, the grade doesn't bother me as much. I'm starting to realize more conclusively (I've always held this view, just had problems sincerely believing it, if that makes any sense)that there is no good or bad, no real right or wrong. There is only something that happens, and how you react is how you react: right or wrong, good or bad is all perception. Killing someone may be immoral in a bar fight, but in war it somehow makes sense to people.
Likewise, me failing this course doesn't really make me feel all too bad as much as I feel disappointed in myself; not because I failed, but because to me, it's almost a symbol of me differentiating between well-spent time (fun) and poorly spent time (not fun, which includes schoolwork). My failing this class proved to me that I have not fully detached from the illusion of the perception of good or bad, and it makes me disappointed in myself.
To me, the only thing left is to make the experience good, by trying to learn something out of it, quite feasibly something I may have never learned realistically by passing the course with flying colors.
Sometimes in retrospect, I'm almost glad I failed the class, because it's a powerful reminder to me to believe in what I'm saying, instead of just going through the motions.
-Ramon http://razor.ramon.com
