Forums IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ Abundance for Life, Effortless Success Punishing myself?

During the fourth path paraliminal session I regressed and remembered the death of my younger brother when I Was about 7 years old, I have effectively suppresed the feeling/sensation of his death As i watch other people try to resuscitate him. I found myself stuck there and blaming myself for his death for not being there or help him find what he came back for the pond where he drowned. I feel very bad and I seemed stuck in a circle here. Please some one help me. I feel like I have to punish myself all this years, maybe the reson I can't seem to succeed on my life changing endevours. I will have solutions practically given to me and will not follow it, but avoid it instead. I have no idea until now. Is there a way I can get over this.

My Dearest Gene,

Perhaps if you had been there you would have drowned too trying to save him. Do you know that 7 years old is too young to be responsable for another younger child? Are you punishing yourself for living?

There are no quick ways to get over this sort of thing. You have to choose to do it and then work at it.

Perhaps you could make that one of your goals in your AFL course?

There is great love here for you.

Thank you, I am working on it. What's amazing was as I travel thru this fourth path I was austounded of the revealation of this "self punishment" I called my mother and found out that my brother passed on, on April 27. The very same early morning that I was going thru the path. I really suprresed it, yet the unconscious mind was trying to reveal this to my consciousness. Was that co-incidence? The ourpouring of this supressed emotion is almost unbearable. I pray that the Almighty continue to provide me with the strenght, As at present my wife was recently diagnose with an "intraorbital/eye tumor". I wonder if I am unconsciously preparing myself for another emotinal and spiritual challenge. Thank you very much.

Sounds to me like you found a way to start forgiving yourself. Remembering the experience gives you a chance to nurture the child you were when you were seven with the more adult logic and understanding of the events.

As already pointed out at 7 years of age there wasn't much you could have done. As a bystander we will always look back and wonder what we should have done. When in fact he had done exactly what we could have done with the knowledge and abilities we had at time.

Yes you probably were punishing yourself. Now your dues have been paid. It's time to forgive yourself and allow yourself to have the success you deserve.

Continue to work through the course and for that incident if you haven't worked through it yet do an Inquiry Process.

Alex

Hi Gene,
Just to let you know that you are not alone in feelings of guilt. When I meditate and also when I practice SFQ, I very frequently see images of my father in my mind and sometimes of my mother too.

My father died of cancer when I was only 18 months and my mother has had Lupus all her life and is often rushed off to hospital for the smallest things (which turn into bigger and more unstable things due to her condition). I have always known that I felt deep sadness about my father and also a constant fear about losing my mother - what I didn't realise, until I started meditating, was that I also felt a sense of shame and guilt about my father dying. A "Why did he abandon me?" "What did I do wrong?" "Why couldn't I have saved him?" type thing. And yet this happened when I was 18 months old! I also realised that deep down I have often felt bad or guilty when enjoying myself particularly when my mother was suffering (as she often is in a great deal of pain with arthritis, rheumatism, chronic ulcers etc.).

The healing work you are doing should help you bring a deep sense of forgiveness and love for yourself, a state which can soothe your feelings of fear, sadness and shame and help you to become whole inside again - help you to realise what you are beyond these feelings.

I have found the John Bradshaw book "Homecoming" very powerful. I read it a number of years ago when I first started healing work and it still helps me to articulate some of the most complex emotions and feelings which can sometimes be uncovered when I'm opening up to what's going on inside me.

I wish you the best of support and fulfilment in your healing.

best wishes
Ingrid :0)

Hi Gene,
You also mention your wife's diagnosis. I think what you say is right - this diagnosis will no doubt have brought up many fears - not least of all those which you had internalised following your childhood trauma.

A central feeling in all of this is of helplessness; of not being able to do anything and therefore of fear and dread. The reassuring thing is that the emotions you are feeling now in relation to your wife's situation are identical to the emotions you internalised as a child following the trauma and loss you experienced then. All the healing work that you are currently doing on your past trauma will therefore automatically help release emotional blockages you are feeling now in relation to your wife's condition. And the situation now is of course very different to what happened in the past - even in a purely practical sense.

I don't know if you have already read about Spring Forest Qi Gong on this website, but I would recommend that you and your wife might perhaps look into it to complement the work you are already doing.

Chunyi Lin actively challenges the perceptions we have about illnesses and physical problems as being insurmountable and fixed/permanent. He encourages us instead to tap into our innate healing abilities, which are always within us but which have been masked over time by emotional blockages such as fear, anger and guilt.

As an adult you are now in a position to choose how to cope with what you are perceiving as a potentially threatening or fearful situation (even though your fears "of the unknown" may end up being groundless). SFQ may also help give you some tools which you and your wife could begin using to start tackling the situation together in a proactive and mutually supportive way.

best of luck

Ingrid :0)