An important realization came to me as i was writing in my portable memory bank. Ill attempt to describe it, but its helped me feel more comfortable. So here it is anyway.
"I obsess and thats a natural part of my mind, its both my greatest strength and weakness. Without it i would never have achieved any of the things that give me my self-respect and at the same time it's non-existence would have given me no reason to disrespect myself (both were shades of obsession). This leads me to conclude that
obsession is a powerful tool that i have yet to control (this excites me greatly), now i link this with my "love", my obsession is existent only because it challenged one of my core principles, but what if, my principle itself was doubtful (Thanks to Descartes and win/paul's conditioning for this one), and therefore not worth me obsessing over. So the following arguement came up. Is my principle absolutely certain? Or does there exist enough doubt in it for me to discard it as one of my core values or change it?
This is what i decided, but i am looking for more "proofs".
If enough effort is put in any endeavor the desired result will be produced"
"enough effort"- was put in when i was around 11, i never questioned if the effort is worth putting in.
"any endeavor"- any statement with "any" in it is doubtful (HEHEH I STARTED THIS ONE WITH "ANY"). Some endeavors take more time then one can accomplish in one's life time, i.e. my dream to visit an alien planet is not likely to come true even if i put in all my effort (in this life time), first off funds would be impossible, to promote the research, my training as an astronaut would take away time from my desire to serve society by teaching the youth, etc.
"desired"- is it really desired? is my result even existent? I will use a poem to illustrate.
Although i Have her love
Unhappiness is me
Her kiss was not as great
As all dreams i had with thee
"produced"- by whom? myself? my effort? luck?(since i put in enough time/rolled the dice enough), there is no way to say that i my efforts have indeed produced my result.
So i think this so called core value needs to be refurbished! Any ideas?
p.s.- i am trying to come up with a way to limit my contact with people, i need time to study and improve myself. I would love for suggestions on that as well.
