Hi Joey
The beliefs I mention in this post. I have just found to be useful. If you don't find them useful ignore them.
Religion is just made up of signposts. Basic guideposts. The boundaries of religion can become very limiting, they were even for Christ. Christ helped someone on the Sabbath and the religious people of the day freaked out.
Spirituality is internal, religion is external. Religion gives the basics to develop spirit, but it can do no more than that.
I have been brought up a Methodist, right from preschoolers Sunday School to Young Adult Church. When I got into a life-crisis at 17, I got very religious, thinking, somehow I could patch up. But the life-crisis shook my life so much that all the religious scaffolding in my life just fell away, I found that none of it helped me, except maybe for a few basic ideas.
I seeked God, very strongly to help me, and I left the church, because all I got was guilt, fear and remorse from church. When I said to one of the ministers that I did not want to feel guilt, he seemed to look at me as if I should feel guilt.
One of my friends had symptoms of narcolepsy, but some church goers said he was demon-possessed. This wasn't great news for me who was listening on the side, for relief from my anguish.
Guilt and fear aren't useful if they are limiting your life power.
What I would advise you to do, is to leave religion behind, go your own way, seek life, but take God with you. Stop repenting for every little thing, fill yourself with love if you like that idea. Take a few basic ideas that religion has taught you, that's all, and use it in a simple way.
Shake off the scaffolding, release that which is not you. If you're finding you're desperately clinging to the scaffolding, build your inner values, and make sure that they are your inner values. Make the best of you shine. You are the treasure that must be shone, but do it inwardly.
And if that all sounds difficult, one of the most life breathing things you can do, is to do what you want... that's it... do what you like. All or part of you gets squashed by religion, you must let those parts of you that are squashed to grow, to express themselves. Christ hated oppression.
There also may be a huge waiting period to see yourself and your confidence, and self-esteem grow, after the oppression of religion. Do something that breathes life while you wait. Don't read the bible. Attend to your physical health while you wait maybe, but then don't forget to really enjoy a chocolate, or a bit of a spending-spree if you like that idea. Keep your mind open by reading and posting to discussion forums like this one.
Religion smells like stinky socks.
Seek life.
Kind Regards
Grant
