Drive your Karma, Curb Your Dogma
Swami Beyondananda's Guidelines for Enlightenment
1. Be a FUNdamentalist. Make sure that the fun always comes before the
mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be
canceled, a laugh track has been provided, and the reason we are put in
the material world is to get more material. Have a good laughsitive
twice a day which will insure regularhilarity.
2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift just for
entering ~ so you are already a winner!
3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is tell-a-vision. That is
where I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision to me. That way, if
we don't like the programming we're getting, we can change the channel.
4. Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop. And no
matter what adversity you face, be reassured: Of course God loves you ~
He's just not ready to make a commitment.
5. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought
particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing a condition
called "truth decay". So be sure to use mental floss twice a day.
6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and truly
live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you no mad at me. That
way, there will surely be nomadness on the planet. And peace begins with
each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there, and pretty soon
all the peaces will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.
7. I know great Earth changes have been predicted for the future, so if
you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple. When you find
a fault, don't dwell on it.
8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is toilet
train the world, and we'll never have to change it again.
9. If you're looking to find the key to the Universe, I have some bad
news and some good news. The bad news is, there is no key to the
universe. The good news is, it has been left unlocked.
10. Finally, everything I have told you is channeled. That way, if you
don't like it, it's not my fault. And remember, enlightenment is not a
bureaucracy. So you don't have to go through channels.
CSwami Beyondananda, 1998
The FUNdamentalist Humanifesto:
How to Become Fooly Aware
By Swami Beyondananda
I have long been a supporter of the human potential movement. No matter
what I see on the 6:00 news, I still feel we have the potential to be
human. But how do we actually actualize our humanity? How do we
humanifest our full potential? Many teachers are telling us that the
shift is already taking place. Perhaps you have felt the gears grinding
in your own karma. Well, there is no better way to lubricate your
transmission than with laughter. That is why so many formerly-serious
people have joined the humorin' potential movement and become
FUNdamentalists -- accent on "fun."
Like many of you, I began as a seeker of wisdom. I came of age during
the sects revolution, and I explored all kinds of kinky sects. But I
never felt fulfilled. I finally saw the light when I woke up one morning
with a sugar hangover at a biker crash-pad. I was wearing an orange
leather vest and reeked of incense. Yes, I had become a Harley Krishna.
I took a good look at myself in the mirror, and that's when enlightning
struck and I found foolfillment. I became fooly-realized the moment I
realized that I was a fool -- and there was nothing to do about it but
laugh. And I've been preaching FUNdamentalism ever since.
The Five Fundamentals of FUNdamentalism
1. Life Is a Joke -- But God Is Laughing With Us, Not At Us. God is
tuned to the Comedy Channel, and we are His Funniest Home Videos. We
take turns being comedian and straight man (and yes, a gay woman can be
a straight man -- it happens all the time), so we get the fool spectrum
of experience. And we have free choice. We get to choose whether or not
we laugh. While we FUNdamentalists are ardently pro-laugh, we are
pro-choice as well. We honor every human being's right to not be amused.
But I figure, why resist a Farce that is greater than any of us? If life
is a sitcom, might as well sit calm and enjoy it.
2. Fun Is Fundamental. FUNdamentalists believe that life is
fundamentally fun -- that underneath all the stress, distress and
negativity, there is an deep well of joy. Each time laughter bubbles up
from that well, we experience deep wellness. A fooly-aware person need
only look in the mirror to begin laughing. So play to God daily.
Surrender to the Farce, and smile ... you're on Candid Karma.
3. A Laugh Track Has Been Provided. The FUNdamentalist scriptures tell
us that on the Eighth Day, God saw the world was funny and created
Laughter. And since we were humoring Him, He decided to humor us. So He
provided a laugh track so we could laugh along. But when things get
serious, we lose track of the laugh track. Fortunately, the best way to
overcome gravity is with levity. We can use the levitational pull to
help us rise above whatever is bringing us down -- and help us get back
on track.
4. We Are Put In the Material World To Get More Material. Spirit is
immaterial, so it must materialize to experience anything. Without
material existence, there would be nothing to laugh about and no one to
do the laughing. We have been given the human jestive system to turn the
material of life into laughter. When we laugh, God laughs. And when we
laugh with God, we are using the spiritual to heal the material. To be
happy in life, you must be able to take a joke. And if you can leave a
few as well, all the better.
5. Nonjudgment Day Is At Hand! When a majority of human beings would
rather laugh than condemn, we will have an uncritical mass, and this
will usher in Nonjudgment Day. On Nonjudgment Day, we will all win
beauty contests. Lawyers will disappear, and all our trials will be
over. On this glorious day when enlightning strikes, our clown chakras
will open, we will become fooly-realized, and we will finally get the
joke. The world will stop -- and everyone will get off.
Copyright C 1999 by Steve Bhaerman. All rights reserved.
Excerpted from Swami's new book DUCK SOUP FOR THE SOUL.
