Nacho, I like the others would like to help you. However, I'm concerned that a few forum posts are insufficient for what sounds like a serious problem. Finding some help in the real world sounds like a very good idea.
If you problem is the result of your beliefs manifesting, then I believe you can change your state very quickly. However, as my experience shows Can and Doing are different.
One thing that keeps come back to me from the Summer Retreat is how we limit ourselves by trances (beliefs). I see a lot of that limiting self talk in your post above. I have wondered along the same lines a purjo, that maybe your desired state or personal model isn't exactly what you consciously want. I could also be that your desired state is just fine, but you have Other beliefs that are working against your goal. We don't generate self-defeating behaviour without a reason, maybe not a logical reason but one into which our minds puts and lot of energy (value).
I can't help but remember your negative energy thread from early last fall, on the SFQ forum. Another thought comes to mind and that's the Master Lin says that people have different levels of sensitivity to energy. Some require single visits, others multiple, still others multi-modal treatment (SFQ and western and other alternative). Putting these ideas and this thread together, I'll echo the first statement and suggest you get more help than just this forum.
I know that asking for help is one my weakness. I called Master Lin, just yesterday, and couldn't bring myself to ask for help. You make sure you get all the help you need.
You are perfection.
Iam2 
