Hi Rick,
After posting my message, I've been struggling with whether or not my expectations of the program were realistic. I loved doing the meditations and felt the discipline was good for me. I experienced quite a bit of "overwhelm" along the way and also some deep emotional healing; however, it seemed no matter how long I continued during the "overwhelm" periods, the healing seemed incomplete somehow until I worked it out in therapy (with a Buddhist teacher).
My husband and I were both in therapy with this teacher for ten years, but only I was doing HS at the time. My husband experienced as much, if not more, healing than I did.
It's so hard to explain and I know I might sound hypocritical when I say I'd still do the program again. My expectation at the beginning was that by the time I finished I would feel much "clearer" than I actually do. Going back, even before HS, I had these occasional periods (very infrequent and fleeting) when I would feel almost fully "awake" and "aware," along with a deep understanding of life. The knowledge I gleaned during these periods seemed to evaporate, though, much as a dream does. Anyway, I believed that by the time I would have completed all the levels I would be experiencing this state much of the time, and I don't, so here is where I'm disappointed. Also, I feel a little lost since finishing: "What now?"
I hope this makes sense to you -- it's difficult to find words. I'd find it very helpful if you could let me know your expectations of sticking with the program, and perhaps then I can better reexamine my own.
Thanks for writing. I certainly don't want to discourage anyone from the program, but want to be honest. Good luck.
Suzie
