Note:I have the genius code, photoreading, and memory optimizer courses

I'm scared that if I go too far I may lose my mind.
Maybe I want to lose some things, but others, well, hmm, they're a part of me.

If I were to lose everything I have known, then what has justified my existence thus far.

I'm sitting in purgatory at the moment, and have done for some timePerhaps we are always in constant purgatory until we self-realise.Yes it's purgatory, because it's making me suffer.Yet now I am on the brink, I'm standing on the edge of the cliff with one foot over it, balancing on the edge.
It's like that scene at the end of vanilla sky when he'sd eciding whether to jump off the skyscraper, that's just how I'm feeling.

I have an inner feeling that if I step over and let myself 'fall' then I'll be ok, in fact more than ok, I will really progress more than I can even imagine now.

However, I'm worried about what I'll lose.

I think I have been, and am in this process for a while, in fact maybe since forever, though I'm much more conscious of it these days.

It's odd, but little triggers, things I've noticed, have made me aware of this change.

I watched a film the other day that used to make me fall about with laughter.However, the film had very little effect one me at all.
Perhaps this was just one of those days, and I wasn't in the mood, but I think it's more than that.
In other circumstances, the same effect has happened.I'm finding that I have totally different reactions than I had before, in the same situation.

Now sure, in some circumstances, that's a good thing.I am thrilled with this, because I am becoming more aware of how I react.

What I'm gettin at here, is that as I 'fall' let myself 'go' 'lose sight of the shore to seek enw lands' or whatever, I have no choice about what I will gain or lose.
Sure I can affirm over and over and over what it is I want, but how can I be absolutely sure this is what will happen.
Paul says 'Go Boldly' but you know, I'm petrified!
Not of image streaming, or describing what I see, no it's a lot more than that.

I honestly feel like jumping, like falling, but what are the consequences?
LSC can't guarantee that it'll be all good, or all bad, can they? well they may reassure me, but the reassurance has to come from within, and I don't have it yet.

A good analogy is from when I was a kid and we went on school visits to old castles in Wales.
I remember standing on top of one of the turrets and looking down.I had an overriding urge to jump, so much so that I had to quickly check myself and run down the old steps.
You see, I knew the effect jumping would have.I would have probably died!
Though this didn't diminish my urge to jump, why is that? what's going on there? in my mind.

Perhaps this is where I'm getting my fear from.it's from the physical world, the castle turret.
But then, is there much differenc ebetween the physical and the mental/spiritual.
People can get mentally ill, just like they get injured when they fall.

I don't know really.I feel like I'm on the brink of soemthing, some major change.I know deep within it's for the better, though i'm still scared.

Help me out before I go mad!