umm... no offense intended, but I had a friend who used to talk like you and he was skitzopherinic (hmm... how DOES one spell that?). So you might wanna get that checked out. No offense intended though if you're not. (My friend was actually a really smart, really amazing guy until he, somewhat like you, got so freaked out by similar feelings that he capped himself simply so that he didn't have to face them...)
I dunno... you're probably not though.
I'm curious though... Do you realize that expression of personality/individuality and the actual "person" are the same? (Ie, in order to change behaviour the person must change.) I suppose you would after doing those course though... And, like you say, you can only change as an expression of what is in your mind, even if it the product of having something induced (photo reading, genius code or memory optimizer) so perhaps what you should try to do is make yourself as objectively rational as possible. For example, do you want to laugh at that movie or do you want to jump off that tower? Which one could you define as being better. Perhaps trying to shift your focus to what can be objectively defined as safe and rational would make you feel more secure, while also meaning that the changes that you incorporate into your life and subconscious products of the same rational process therefore making them feel 'safer'.
(sorry for not errorchekcingdfsd)
