What makes you think that "depth" has anything to do with making changes or that being able to visualize with your eyes closed has anything to do with hypnosis?
You've lived your whole life being able to make your decisions and to make changes at least here and there without hypnosis, going deep, or not having a hard time visualizing with your eyes closed.
Your expectations aren't realistic. You aren't an expert on hypnosis, so why are you putting so much faith in your diagnosis of yourself and your ability?
You're getting in your own way.
Maybe hypnosis will help you, maybe it won't. But you really, at this point, don't know the first thing about it, otherwise you would have been successful. So give yourself a break and admit to yourself that you don't really know and that that is ok.
Are you, right now, using a book and self-hypnosis, or some tapes, or what?
Why not let go of all your preconceptions and just discover what happens when you use hypnosis and explore that?
It might do what you want, it might not. Hypnosis is not the magic pill, however.
Sounds like the hypnotist you had wasn't very good.
People have varying levels of suggestibility but, honestly, suggestibility is just one of the factors in hypnosis and isn't always worth going for. Suggestibility in individuals isn't fixed, either, it varies.
Hypnosis can provide you with a "special learning state" in which you can make changes. If you just let go and let yourself experience whatever you're experiencing, you might learn from that.
It's like you've built up all these brick walls around with with your expectations and your reasons why it isn't working, and when you reach for whatever it has to give you, you're blocked. Tear down the walls and let yourself experience whatever happens and learn from it.
Start wherever you're at right now and accept that as a necessary beginning. Don't cheat yourself by saying, "Well, I can't make any changes because ...." Because that's just an excuse. Turn the expectation knob down as many notches as it necessary to match where you are right now, and accept wherever you are as your starting place. Might not be glorious, but it's something real.
