I have big confidence and I believe you guys about the fact that it works. I also have a pretty big pride in doing things my way and most of them have worked. the reason why I'm trying to stick to your guidelines is because as you said, it's a bit flimsy at best, so since you've all achieved whatever position doing those guidelines I'm very confidant that it will work if I do every thing right. and with practice, gradually connect my sub-c and c. to work systematically. the only problem is that something in my chest or thinking just goes overtime without me understanding why it's behaving like that. it happens every time I try to activate (Personal learning course: step 4)
I know that I'm supposed to have a piece of paper and any kind of pen or whatever so my hand could you know write draw whatever's on my mind, play with it.. and do the mind mapping thing, and the rapid read through the book and stop when you have a strong intuition to stop.
SO i sit down with paper and implement in hand, bang goes the feeling and the thinking that I've forgotten something and it HURTs. so each time I try to approach activation in different ways, I tried to do it when I'm in the mood, and not. I've tried to do it when I feel I should be doing other things or when I'm bored and there's nothing else.
it's the same thing. bang - thinking overtime hurt.
and now I can't think about activating without cringing.
that's why I've checked on procrastinating, and the idea of finding out why it scares me makes me feel like that it will work if i do find it.
the fear is Not fear of failure because i've thought about it and have tried to activate with no change
i think the fear is something in the general area. i think it's something to do with what life will be like in 10 years time (as far as photoreading is concerned). It's sort of took a bit of the pain, but nevertheless still there.
any ideas?
thanks
miss eggy
