Hey Mathy, I have no idea where you're ideas are coming from. Heck, I can barely understand what your saying sometimes. However, for controlling those negative thoughts I would suggest that you first make sure that you are Sleeping, Eating and Exercising well, fully and regularly. The body has a lot to do with how the mind works.
The other thing I noted is your desire to be the BEST. I think you shouldn't worry about beating others. You should just work at being the best you can be right now. I could ramble on and on about with all sorts of platitudes and stories, but it comes back to just "being the best you can be right now".