Boylan, I am so sorry that you are in such pain. I really empathize with you. Do you have family and friends who can support you? I hope you don't live alone.
Although enlightenment is the ultimate antedote to suffering, I don't think anyone has a map for a sure shortcut to it. For most people It takes alot of extensive inner work and/or intensive concentrated practice. Both requires that the practitioner has the energy (spiritual, physical, emotional) to break through. In any case, if you would like to begin a meditation practice, it's best to learn from an experienced teacher or at least an experienced practitioner. That's particularly important for someone who is suffering from depression.
Please keep on posting and let us know how you do.
Lots of love, Hel
