You need some solidity in your life. Maybe find a friend or to that will listen to you. Don't think of yourself as a victim, think of yourself as an operator. You control your life, you make the decisions yourself, and you can control your ways of thinking. Begin to see yourself as a better person. Guilt and shame are traps, and the only way out is thinking positively. Rather than constantly telling yourself the bad things about you, tell yourself the good things about you. Make changes on the inside first. You can build self esteem by the same means you take it away, by habitual thinking. This is why positive thinking is a must.
