Hi,
I just happened to catch your post. I will say a few things, but I am sure you will hear from others too. I regret that you lost your father, and how. I have lost my too, it is a very hard thing to move through. You do move through it, it gets better. As you gain greater spiritual understanding, which your connection to Spring Forest Qigong practice will support, you will be able to transform that grief at some point, into a higher understanding of where you are at and what you are experiencing and feeling. Both you and your father have a spirit that remains connected. At this point it becomes a different relationship. It "is" still a relationship. I am sure he would want you to be well and carry on with your life, which is only beginning.
Now, more immediately, addressing how you feel. Again, I am sure you will hear from more people, we are here for you!
Keep it simple, put away a few of those 21 tapes and focus on you taking one step at a time. I am very happy that the SFQ has chipped away some of what you are going through. Do the active exercise. Stay out of your head and thinking. Focus on the exercise, and do it frequently. Use it as a place of refuge where you can feel good and not think about loss or grief. In particular, focus on your lungs. I am not sure whether or not you have level 2. Put (visualize) white energy in your lungs. In Breathing of the universe, you could visualize releasing blockages from the lungs on the exhale, breathing white energy into the lungs on the inhale, straight from . If you like, put a white tiger in there, protecting your lungs and clearing out any grief or depression. Or a white-white pure lotus. White is the color, focusing on your lungs in the exercises..Staying completely in focus during your exercise, and not letting yourself go to your head and think or experience your grief or depression will give you an important break from you current feelings. It will give you strength, which you need. Also, courage to move forward. You should still be open to talking about this with a professional. Keep trying to find one you can talk to. They can be as different as everybody else out there. Keep that end of it going. You are selfempowered to help yourself through the qigong work, and that can happen now. It will give you much needed relief. Make yourself do it! Keep looking for a professional you can talk to. Email me anytime if you need to connect. I care about you getting through this. As time passes , things will change. Extremes do not last, they change. You will feel better again.
love,
gallen
