For what it is worth, I once had it explained to me that all behavior can be see as either a call for help or an extension of love. It became much easier for me to deal with others when I began to truly believe that. I was also taught that when I see another person's "Call for Help" it is really my own as "projection makes perception." I now try to remember that when I am tempted to judge another I practice sending the other person love and forgive them for their behavior but then also (and more importantly) forgive myself for projecting my stuff on them. Seems to work--some of the time. As for saying No to someone, I believe we should never compromise ourself and what we do with words is not nearly as important as what we do on the level of the mind.
