The base for a realistic self-concept is what is.
Your reference point can be found looking at you in the mirror.
It's a *self* concept. A realistic self-concept has everything with who you are now, what you experience to be your limitations and potentials, what you tend to do on a daily basis, what you can do. What you want to do. What you decide is best for you to do. Your hopes, dreams, fears, aspiritations, despair, etc.
We all find, I think, that we must constantly re-evaluate who and what we are based on incoming evidence. We probably can discover something about ourselves new every day. There's a lot of error correction, going in this direction and then that one.
If you want to make up some fantasy and say, "this is who I *really* am." Then go for it. I bet it'll send you on a roller-coaster of self-delusion and misery.
Who you really are probably can only be defined by a massive amount of research done by a team of specialists who's job it is to observe you and create a model of who you are... along with several medical and psychological tests, etc. Then you'd probably have a pretty realistic idea about who you are.
But given that most of us don't have these resources, we have to rely on self-observation and self-reflection. And because we're dealing with what is probably one of the most sensitive and emotional subjects of our lives, ourselves, we're probably going to be very error prone. So it's touch and go.
I don't think it's all that metaphysical or out of reach, and I think you know damn well who you are. You may just be in the habit of BSing yourself about it.
You don't have to have a brilliant "AHA!" sensation when you discover something meaningful or true. It can be looking you in the face every day, and when you notice it, the sensation may be undramatic, maybe even boring, but there it is.
