Hi Will,
I'm sorry that you've been having difficulties, but it's really heartening to see that you have taken steps to deal with the situation and sharing your experiences with others, for example through this forum, is a good way to start.
You sound like you are feeling quite a few overwhelming emotions at the moment. When you next feel angry or sad try a couple of techniques for dealing with the emotions - I too know what if feels like to have anxiety attacks.
First thing to remind yourself is - it's only an emotion and my body is only reacting this way because it has learned to do that (for example your brain feeling like glue, is only your body's reaction to stress). When you feel the emotions building up stop what you are doing and let them happen. It helps also to focus on your breathing and to take slower, deeper in breaths (you can count to 10 if you want or really concentrate on breathing from the bottom of your stomach). You may feel waves of panic or sadness, but you will also notice that they subside. Keep this in mind. No matter what feelings you have, if you watch them, they gradually go again. Always. They have a limited life span. They're not permanent! This awareness, coupled with slowing down your breathing, will gradually retrain your body to relax. Letting go, will allow your emotions to subside.
You can also add a calming word, thought or picture which you can use at times like these. It could be the thought "I am at peace", "I am safe", "I am ok", "I am letting go". Just as your negative emotional response was triggered in the first place (perhaps by a thought, a memory or an event), these physical and mental techniques can help you to trigger a relaxed and positive experience.
If you are feeling angry or frustrated, I would recommend taking exercise to vent some of the extra energy. This again, will allow your body to release stress and will help you to bring yourself back into balance. You may think this sounds funny, but another really good technique for anger (and I know a lot about that too) is to shout into a pillow. It can sometimes help to imagine that you are shouting at whatever or whomever has annoyed you or has angered you. If you do this, it can sometimes release feelings of sadness, which is often a good, positive release, as it means you are letting go of some of the feelings behind your anger. It is usually good to follow this with an affirming relaxation technique, again with deep breathing.
In terms of your situation, it might be a good idea to write a list of the things that you are angry about within yourself. Get it all out on a page. Then counter-balance it with positive aspects about yourself. To move forward, begin focusing on drawing out the positive aspects and building on them. Focus on things you are good at and that you enjoy to help build your confidence again. Try to find new things, new environments and new people. Draw on the support of people who have been positive in your life. Most importantly, build your own trust in yourself up again. Forgive yourself if you need to, make amends if you need to, let go of past hurts by others and move forward.
There are more people in the boat you're currently sitting in than you think. Don't worry - you're not alone. There is always support if you ask for it.
I wish you all the best.
Ingrid :0)
