Forums IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ Beyond Human 19 and looking for guidence

hello my name is Will

Im posting this because I believe there is alot of wise people here. Im looking for some help that started since I left high school. I started going when i was 15 years old. I was home schooled before that and had never even been to a public school before. I wanted to go becuase i thought i needed better schooling and I wanted to make some freinds. I had none at the time. Due to a recent move we had made from a area i had lived in. But it did not work out as well as i had hoped. My grades were bad, i had no friends, and every thing was so new to me it felt like i was on another planet.

I felt like a outcast people would call me stupid, wierd or crazy and scary right to my face. I know i was none of those thing's. I was just trying to fit in and dident know how to act to be liked. If only i was my self i know i would have had a friend. I left after a year or so becuase my brain felt like glue i had anxiety attacks when i took any test and being around people that i felt dident like me made me feel sad. After this I was angry at the kids i went to school with and also the teachers but mostly I was angry at myself. over time i have forgiven the kids and the teachers. They dident know my past and i never talked about my problem with anyone. so I tryed to focuse on the future like getting a GED witch is a General education deploma. To do this i have to study for it and finaly take the test. Its been hard for me because every time a try and study it feals as if im fighting with myself i dont know were to begine. It feals like im still angry with school and want nothing to do with the system of taking a test. every time i think about it i feal angry and sad. Any advice I would like very much.

Thank You for taking the time to read this

Having been there myself I can give you some of my experience. Your attitude is the most important thing when dealing with other people. Developing the tools to stay in a positive frame of mind is a life study.

You are different from everyone else but you will have similarities. All the tools you find will have to be adapted for your use.

Having a good attitude will carry you further than most any other skills when working with or being around people. Because of that, people will want to work with you.

It is easy to get sucked into the bad attitude thing because it seems that is what everyone else is doing. The most successful people in the world have a love for what they do.

Some love it when they make a big mistake because they learned something new.Some love the pain and stress of a very visible position. But no matter what happens, they find a way to look at the positive side of it. "I just lost a million dollars! But look at all the room I have in my bank account now that I can fill up!"

Although there can be many rocks in the road of life, it's best to look beyond them and focus on the broad highway that's out there. If you get a flat tire, pull over and fix it then get back on the road. Fixing flats is not what life is all about.

So develope a positive outlook in life and working with people. Being happy is the cheapest medicine in the world.

Jeff

Hi Will

I think many people have difficulties moving from one type of environment to another type of environment, especially if they've been in the previous environment for a long time. It is not your fault that you could not fit in very well, many would have been in the same position as you. So I hope you can see that you did your best, and nobody in your shoes could have done better. The cause of the problem is not you but you have a responsibility to yourself to find a solution.

A brain that feels like glue, and having anxiety attacks, I think I can relate to a brain feeling like glue, I think it is fear, is that what you felt when your brain felt like glue? It sounds like you need to reassure yourself and feel safe while learning new responses to new situations. Claim your power to act on your own behalf and be determined that you will find ways to heal yourself.

I know sometimes I can't move on unless I build myself up, and reach a new level of power, and self-confidence. So sometimes we can't move on until we've caught up to where we want to be.

Talk to people who will listen to you, and make sure you find them, for your own sake.

One Learning Strategies program you could invest in is Natural Brilliance. When you start doing stuff on your own behalf, and feeling safe in those new situations you decide to try, you begin to feel safer and safer, expanding your influence and life. It is also a very healing program for those fears that we get stuck in. Gently, step by step you can move forward, and catch up to where you want to be.

One thing you could do, the paraliminal New History Generator does a similar thing: write down what happened at school how it was, write down how you would have liked it to have been, now you start seeing possibilities that you might be able to claim back some of your power to act in future.

If you get New History Generator, do a session with the purpose to feel you did your best, and that you desire the paraliminal to guide your mind to take you through school acting and succeeding the way you would have liked it. Reviewing your past in this way will sow seeds of confidence and new possibilities for similar situations in the future.

Hi Will,
I'm sorry that you've been having difficulties, but it's really heartening to see that you have taken steps to deal with the situation and sharing your experiences with others, for example through this forum, is a good way to start.
You sound like you are feeling quite a few overwhelming emotions at the moment. When you next feel angry or sad try a couple of techniques for dealing with the emotions - I too know what if feels like to have anxiety attacks.
First thing to remind yourself is - it's only an emotion and my body is only reacting this way because it has learned to do that (for example your brain feeling like glue, is only your body's reaction to stress). When you feel the emotions building up stop what you are doing and let them happen. It helps also to focus on your breathing and to take slower, deeper in breaths (you can count to 10 if you want or really concentrate on breathing from the bottom of your stomach). You may feel waves of panic or sadness, but you will also notice that they subside. Keep this in mind. No matter what feelings you have, if you watch them, they gradually go again. Always. They have a limited life span. They're not permanent! This awareness, coupled with slowing down your breathing, will gradually retrain your body to relax. Letting go, will allow your emotions to subside.
You can also add a calming word, thought or picture which you can use at times like these. It could be the thought "I am at peace", "I am safe", "I am ok", "I am letting go". Just as your negative emotional response was triggered in the first place (perhaps by a thought, a memory or an event), these physical and mental techniques can help you to trigger a relaxed and positive experience.
If you are feeling angry or frustrated, I would recommend taking exercise to vent some of the extra energy. This again, will allow your body to release stress and will help you to bring yourself back into balance. You may think this sounds funny, but another really good technique for anger (and I know a lot about that too) is to shout into a pillow. It can sometimes help to imagine that you are shouting at whatever or whomever has annoyed you or has angered you. If you do this, it can sometimes release feelings of sadness, which is often a good, positive release, as it means you are letting go of some of the feelings behind your anger. It is usually good to follow this with an affirming relaxation technique, again with deep breathing.
In terms of your situation, it might be a good idea to write a list of the things that you are angry about within yourself. Get it all out on a page. Then counter-balance it with positive aspects about yourself. To move forward, begin focusing on drawing out the positive aspects and building on them. Focus on things you are good at and that you enjoy to help build your confidence again. Try to find new things, new environments and new people. Draw on the support of people who have been positive in your life. Most importantly, build your own trust in yourself up again. Forgive yourself if you need to, make amends if you need to, let go of past hurts by others and move forward.
There are more people in the boat you're currently sitting in than you think. Don't worry - you're not alone. There is always support if you ask for it.
I wish you all the best.
Ingrid :0)

Fifteen years of age is a bad age at which to change schools or enter a new school. Usually friendships have already been established and it's very hard to fit in. Everyone is starting to test their independence and start toward adulthood. What you experienced is very natural and normal given the timing. The experience had a major impact on you but no one was wrong or bad or stupid. The circumstances made it difficult for you to perform at your best.

The Paraliminals I recommend are Personal Genius, New History Generator, Peak Performance and Anxiety Free. They can help you to get your GED.

I also suggest you make friend with a student counsellor. Not so much for fixing yourself since you don't need fixing. But someone you can talk with and get some of your frustrations off your chest. It will help you just talk to someone who understands and you might find you're not that alone with your fears... others have the same concerns. It's not always the way it looks on the outside. You can also discover some of the more common coping strategies. The Paraliminals along with that can help in a big way.

Alex

thank you all for your posts, i feal much better and less scared just from the support that i got and will meditate on some of your suggestions i have been practicing spring forest qigong and all of this emotion was released i think from that. It almost feals like im fighting with my self more than i have to. But i have FAITH that everything will work out.