Quote:

Get relaxed and list all the benefits and reason you can think of that life is better without a partner.

There could also be the underlying... is this realistic, what if getting married means I need to move or give up the business, what if it takes me away from building the business. Is there enough tine to know I'm choosing the right partner?




Hi Alex,

I believe you are right! The pros of being alone out-weight the cons. Honestly, I have been thinking of this for the past 13 years (that's how long I have been wishing for a perfect match). I have been through casual relationship and long distance friendships. But I have, try as I may, not been able to strike that, that I loathed about my married life (of 8 years).

I hated doing what "he" wanted. I hated eating what he wanted. I hated not being able to just pick up and go. I hated not being able to do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do. It was all about him. My life revolved around him.

After 13 years, I am still in that mode (remembering the loathing!). Today, I love my independence too much. Too much!! Did I mention that I enjoy my independence ever so much? Too much! Yes, too much!

I am not surprised that I am single. I just wanted to change that. Life is great when one is having fun, but it's doubly fun when you are sharing it with someone great. {okay, I am trying very hard to convince myself that I am right thinking it will be fun sharing it with someone great!}.

Out of maybe ... 168 hours, I am lonely perhaps 3 hours a week. And usually when there is nothing exciting on TV or the LS forum! LOL!!! See how pathetic I am?

Part of me tells me that I want the perfect match for all the wrong reasons!
Deep inside me, I know I am not capable of being self less again. My first marriage drained me of all the good juice a human being can offer, as a person, a spouse, a friend and a lover. I know that I just don't want to work that hard any more - to make something work.

Most of all, I know there are no guarantees, and that is why my "nah" lever, which has left me single raises itself so high that my heart just can't bear to even consider another marriage or even a serious relationship.

Then, I think - well, that means my ex wins! He has damaged me so much that I am not even willing to give it a chance again? How pathetic. And on goes the chatter....

I know I am where I want to be. Yet, the three hours where I am lonely thinking "now what?" - allowing the chatter to drag me to dumps - makes me wanna find someone permanent. Why?

Sometimes just to shut myself up. Sometimes just to show others that my ex did not crush my heart to no repair. But most of the time because I am getting older. If I was a guy, I wouldn't have cared - but I am not a man.

There aren't that many "Ashton Kutcher's" around! Sure, there are younger men who enjoy older women's company but how many of them are "Ashton Kutcher?". Handsome, smart, successful, funny, great heart, HARD WORKING and well ... loving and enjoying every moment with the 'ready made family!".

So yah ... it would be nice to have someone great in my life ...


Last edited by decision2change; 06/22/07 12:56 AM.