Now that you've identified what it is that you don't want to lose when you go into a relationship there is no reason not to have one that fits your desires and perhaps decide what areas are open to compromise. Like getting up and going when you want to go somewhere. If you want a relationship to be there then perhaps having a partner who's willing to let you have time for yourself or join you with sudden urges would be the ideal for your relationship.
You've found why non-consciously you've been stopping yourself from having a relationship like one you experienced in the past. That doesn't mean you cannot have a different relationship with someone else does it? Now you can go into a relationship with a clear idea of what you truly want and it may be a partnership without marriage for a while. Especially if that part of you still wants a relationship.
Alex
