Forums IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ Paraliminals, Paraliminal Resets, Paraliminal Walkabouts, Natural Brilliance, Sonic Access Fear of Rejection

Affirmations are definitely important, but I'm not sure if expecting everybody to accept us is realistic. It may help with the fear of rejection at first, but what happens when somebody rejects you? If you don't change the beliefs about that, it will be just as painful as before. No matter how good you try to be, there will always be somebody that will not like you. It would probably be more important to deal with the false belief that rejection is always a terrible thing.

That's a good point , Hoss. Al Seibert says in the Resiliency course that a reality of life is that there will always be people who criticize you, call you bad names, try to tear you down, and tell you what you cannot accomplish. Strong Self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-concept can protect you from such attacks, and allow you to move ahead with your life.

Once you accept that no matter what we do there will always be people who are offended or will not like what we say or do, it becomes easier to react in a positive way. Even in a way that makes us stronger. It really is out of our control. So, you should try to focus on how you react to criticism and focus your goals on things you can control - your feelings, beliefs about yourself, etc.

Think of rejection as the other person's problem, not yours. Let rejection be part of your experience that makes you stronger. You can also learn from it. Many times our intuition will tell us something, warn us about getting involved with someone, but we ignore this message. When it turns out that it was not a good relationship, we can look back and learn from it. What signs did we notice but not act on at the time? See what you can learn, especially from experiences that are unpleasant.

Good luck!

[This message has been edited by Sandy Millies (edited May 29, 2003).]

What about this thought - "I never get rejected, I just discover people with poor taste!"

Robert

The affirmations I proposed, weren't to create a rose coloured world. They were designed to make the person using them to notice and accept what acceptance there is.

Making affirmations like "Everybody likes me" are usually ineffective, because most people immediately answer the this kind of affirmation with "No they don't". This is negative self-talk, you can work to reduce it. However, most of us have some version of reality and if you confront that reality too severely, then you will reject any new ideas.

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Self esteem... high or low?
Self confidence... high or low levels?

We all have these, not mutually exclusive traits. They are part of our perspective on the world and it's workings. Your view point is what makes a statement like "I never get rejected, I just discover people with poor taste!" a obvious truth or a hollow cliche.

Changing you beliefs and hence your perspective on the world is a big thing. Sometimes is happens in less than a second, but usually is slowly shifts from one place to another.

Take little steps in the right direction,

Iam2

[This message has been edited by Iam2 (edited May 29, 2003).]

Thanks for all your replies - they've really been useful, and I'm sure all of them will help me in making my life better.
I'll probably use Anxiety Free and Belief at the moment as I've already got them, as well as positive affirmations regularly, because I realised I used to be quite negative and unprepared to accept people liked me incase they didn't and I got hurt again. Although I'm not expecting everyone to like me, I'm sure these wil help me be able to take rejection easier and stop unnessecary worries over if I have annoyed someone etc.
In reply to Hoss's question about what other positive changes I've recieved as a result of improving my self esteem:
I've started eating properly again. I used to go days without having a proper meal but now I always make sure I have one. And I eat lots more fruit.
I'm generally more interested in my health and have started an exercise regime.
I find it easier to get on with things, and I no longer lay in bed untill late in the morning agonising over all my worries.
My sense of humour has returned.
Good Luck in increasing your self esteem - these tapes really help. Just keep at it, you'll soon start to see the changes.

Iam2, thanks a lot for the affirmations and I like the way they focus on the positive side of things. The main problem I would have using them is that self-esteem should not come from the acceptance of others at all. Ideally, the negative opinions of others should not break you. At the same time, the acceptance of others should not 'make' you either. It's good to focus on the positive, but what happens when you find yourself in a situation where the majority of people around you reject you? Those situations are rare, but they do happen. Expecting most people to accept you might help with the fear of rejection, but it may not help you when the rejection actually comes. I doubt that most people start out with a fear of rejection. It probably developes over time through negative experiences. I know I would have a lot more confidence if I knew that I could handle rejection when it came along.

If you truly belief that your loved by most people, loved by many.. and that it happens that you get rejected. You will not take it so badly, because you feel most love from all around you, instead of rejection, because of your belief is positive...

Your thoughts will then be more like.. "Ok I got rejected, whatever...". "So many love me anyway..".

Your life get more postive with a positive belief, and you will filter things differently. It's like a whole new life...

Good luck Davidar...

Davidar,
How are things going? Have you had any more success dealing with the self-esteem supercharger?

There are some times when our attempts to enact a solution only serve to strengthen the problem.

Identity issues can be particularly hairy in this regard, because efforts to change the self may serve to affirm our beliefs that the self is screwed up.

I really liked how Paul Scheele addressed these types of problems in his Natural Brilliance course and book.

A type of therapy that, in my opinion, deals gingerly with these issues is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

Maybe considering working with another individual (professional) might help you feel more like you want to feel.

In brief, you might want to consider this statement: my unwillingess to experience low self-esteem (or whatever term fits) actually insures that I will experience it.

That is, don't think of blue.

You've been dealing with this issue a lot alone, it looks like, with tapes and what not. Maybe working with another human being can help you experience more of the kind of ongoing experience you want. More likely than not, this will include the feelings you don't want.

Would it be acceptable to you to get to a point where you no longer fear so much experiencing these internal experiences and still experience them, sometimes, anyway?