There are some times when our attempts to enact a solution only serve to strengthen the problem.
Identity issues can be particularly hairy in this regard, because efforts to change the self may serve to affirm our beliefs that the self is screwed up.
I really liked how Paul Scheele addressed these types of problems in his Natural Brilliance course and book.
A type of therapy that, in my opinion, deals gingerly with these issues is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
Maybe considering working with another individual (professional) might help you feel more like you want to feel.
In brief, you might want to consider this statement: my unwillingess to experience low self-esteem (or whatever term fits) actually insures that I will experience it.
That is, don't think of blue.
You've been dealing with this issue a lot alone, it looks like, with tapes and what not. Maybe working with another human being can help you experience more of the kind of ongoing experience you want. More likely than not, this will include the feelings you don't want.
Would it be acceptable to you to get to a point where you no longer fear so much experiencing these internal experiences and still experience them, sometimes, anyway?
