How do you know you are failing at relationships?
If you were to experience success in relationships, what would it be like? How would it be different, in specific, sensory terms, than what you're experiencing now? What would be an example of meeting your goals with relationships?
The way I see it, being in a relationship means that you're going to experience all the negative crap. Being in a relationship means that you relate... whether that relating is pleasant or unpleasant. It means that you stick with it. It means that you continue on and stay with someone whether it's good or bad... to a limit. If someone is abusive or dragging you down past a certain point, or you know for sure that they will, you bail out of self-interest.
But sacrifice and pain and negativity are part of the game.
It's not all sweetness and roses. Those roses are fertilized by manure, you know.
Maybe the way you're relating to people is screwed up. I think this is true for most people in some area or another. We all have our faults. But is this really such a deal breaker for you? Maybe it is.
If it is, then you might want to consider the damage that this magic bullet cure mentality does to us. Not every problem is solved easily or overnight. Sometimes it takes years, decades even, for us to grow out of a particular way of dealing with people. Maybe there are people out there who love you or will love you regardless.
This is just a guess on my part, but it seems to me, D2C, that you decide that some things are big problems for you that need to be addressed before you can get on with life like a normal, average person. I think this is your big problem, actually.
I think that if you just decided, "To hell with it. I am going to live my life and get what's coming to me regardless of these damned problems. To hell with them!" you'd be much better off.
Your problem isn't that you have problems. Your problem is that you're focusing on these problems unnecessarily when you can be just going out there and living life to the fullest you can given your current state. Maybe that isn't as fabulous as you'd like, but it's probably enough.
There's a lot of crap out there about what constitutes a good or, god forbid, "healthy" relationship. It's crap. Trust. Honesty. Blah blah blah. You have a right to keep your secrets. You have a right to lie if you have to lie. Try not to, of course, but sometimes it's better to lie or stay silent than give the truth... which could seriously hurt people and screw things up.
People say they want honesty. People say they want openness. But they don't. They may want to know how you're feeling, in general, but they don't want the total truth. She doesn't want to know, for instance, that you've always thought her nose is really freaking ugly. She doesn't need to know. And you don't need to tell her.
We're human. That's what it boils down to. Don't buy idealistic crap that will turn your life into a nightmare and make you doubt and judge yourself. You're flawed (and thank God for that, anyone that wasn't would be insufferable). We all are. Deal with it and live your life. If you have to live with others in all their glorious, annoying imperfection, they damn well should have to live with you and yours.
Be kind. Control yourself. Be ethical, moral, and compassionate as you can without giving yourself hemorrhoids and chronic hypertension. And give yourself a break. You're human, not an ideal.
