Pain feels more real. It's more reliable, in a sense. It tends to feel like it has more weight because we're predisposed to pay attention to it... for survival.
Keep in mind that your mind naturally distorts things. So, if everything looks like crap, you're probably distorting. If everything looks totally peachy, you're probably distorting.
Try not to sum up everything in one judgement about it being bad or good. Who knows what it is? What is important is that you accept what is (whatever that is for you right now) and direct your energy toward what you want. Focus on what feeds your soul, what enriches your life. And if you find yourself worrying, that's ok. Just direct your focus again.
It's not about figuring out what reality is or isn't in terms of absolutes, it's about feeding your soul. See, if you are interested and seeking out what feeds your soul, it doesn't matter if reality sucks or not or if pain has more gravitas than happiness. You choose what you want to focus on based on what is important to you. And if you focus on what feeds your soul, you'll always be giving yourself strength. And strength is good whether reality sucks or whether it's a bowl of cherries.
In reading your replies, I see what I think is idealism. I think you are weighing yourself and your performance against ideals. Sometimes that is good in that it can make you keep improving, but sometimes it's bad in that it the ideals can never be achieved, and this can be frustrating and dispiriting. It can also drive you a little nuts.
Get earthy. Exercise letting go and just enjoying yourself, seeing what life and people (including yourself) have to offer. And be careful about being idealistic about doing this. Lower your standards some as an experiment and see if that doesn't lead to a more enjoyable and productive experience.
People suck. They gossip. They let you down. Even the best people do this. It's because we're flawed. Nothing is 100%. Friendships and relationships are often about tolerances. You learn about people, you learn their flaws and foibles as well as their charms and virtues. Sometimes their vices are more fun and interesting than their virtues. But you learn about them and you learn about yourself. How much can you enjoy? How much can you tolerate?
A good friendship involves a person whose flaws you can tolerate and whose charms you enjoy and who can tolerate and appreciate you as well.
And don't be so hard on yourself. Good, lasting friendships are very, very rare.
