I have been reading here for a bit. I ordered several paraliminals last year (Belief, New Behavior Generator, Personal Magnetism, New History Generator). I really never tried them out until now. Sorry if this post gets kind of long, but I want to explain where I was, where I am, and where I want to be so someone can properly assist me or tell me if paraliminals are even of much use to me for this issue.
The main thing I am trying to create in my life is a romantic relationship with someone of the opposite sex (a girlfriend!). I'm sure a lot of people here want to create that and it's not always easy, but I've got my brain screwed up pretty bad about this to the point where I think it's more impossible for me than anyone..... What do I mean? When I was around 13 (I'm 25 now) a girl told me I was ugly. For some reason I was so devastated by this, and believed it so completely, that I walked around for the next 10 years completely consumed by thoughts telling me I was ugly, girls didn't like me, I was too ugly to have sex with, etc, etc, etc. Around the same time I got totally hooked on internet porn. From 13 on I was OBSESSED with losing my virginity, and simultaneously OBSESSED with the fact I was repulsive to women and none of them wanted to be with me. Since then I've been clinically depressed, suicudal, addicted to drugs, etc. No area of my life was working for me during this time (family relationships, money, school, work), however I somehow channeled all of the frustration and pain I felt about anything into this one issue about not being able to have relationships with women. Like I actually derived all of my low self-esteem from that. I've tried counseling - I don't think they were bad counselors - I truly feel that my mind has grabbed onto this so unbelievably tightly that I was kind of out of their reach to help. I guess if there is something I am trying to convey anything in this paragraph it is that there is a level of obsession here I'm guessing beyond what most anyone knows, at least I'd imagine. I wake up everyday and start thinking about it. I go to bed thinking about it. I think about it the entire time in between. I think about it while I'm engaged in activities or conversation. Ah, and those last few paragraphs illustrate "it" perfectly. This issue for me has become an "it." I can enjoy life until I remember the big bad, "IT." And "it" has become insanely dense. "It" of course being my unmet desire for a girlfriend and all of the associated thoughts and feelings that keep me stuck.
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Last edited by Mystery; 07/22/07 10:30 PM.
