Hi,
Auspicious time of year to reflect on your practice and choices. Happy New Year.
Writing feelings down is a great way to then hold them in your hand and look at them. Some of your self observations are worth rereading. Your heart speaks clearly here and there.
There is so much qigong out there these days. So many qualified teachers/masters taking advantage of people, or just exhibiting very human traits less than perfect. If someone told me to stop doing SFQ for the above reason of needing to practice their way first, I would know that they aren't being honest with me, regardless of their credentials. They may know a lot about qigong, have power,but that doesn't mean their intentions are completely above questioning. Master Lin is what I would call a higher profile master, nationally, and that can make one a target within the 'business' of qigong ,seeking recognition, or a piece of the pie. There is absolutely no sense in someone saying it would be better for you to stop SFQ and do their qigong. As westerners, in general, many more of us know quite a bit more about internal energy systems. The nuts and bolts to them. There is less mystery to infer, and with that, the ability to better influence or control people.
You mention having ADD. So, you are working with a blockage, and have all this martial, martial qigong based experience, along with SFQ, and some other qigongs. All the stuff keeps you busy, but at the same time, I would assume that you want to effect/transform the ADD. Self heal from that blockage, as well as enjoy these other things. Medical/spiritual qigong is what is going to be most transformative regarding the ADD. It involves you more with the middle dan tien, or heart center, as well as the lower dan tien/physical body. Given your extensive martial experience, you have the lower dan tien well seasoned and covered! I feel you would benefit most from SFQ practice as a base, then do as you can find time to do regarding your Tai Chi interests. Tai Chi can satisfy the interest in more complex movement, and it is essentially a type of qigong too. I see no reason in other more complex qigongs along with all that. I also don't think one can advance very easily with too many practices , all wanting mastery.
Have you ever done healing work on friends or other people? It is a whole experience in itself. It gets you working with other people, and can segway into teaching a bit. You would have more control of scheduling, location, and you can stay as busy with it as you want. Helping others also helps you in regards to your own unfolding. I don't think everyone involved in a qigong self practice, realize how different an experience working on others is. It is animated with spiritual presence, blessings, as well as providing a wonderful means of learning and growth. Compassion, both towards self, and others, is a huge piece regarding a higher level practice and transformational growth.
Meditation is also an important piece. It is more focused on in higher levels of SFQ. It is easy to get preoccuppied with all the active movement, qigong exericises, martial forms out there. There are higher energies, like wisdom, truth, compassion, love, that all become 'more tangible as experience', as one progresses with meditation. Your active movement will improve too. It would be beneficial to you to keep going in SFQ. Level I and II is enough to stay very busy with, especially if you start doing healing work. That in itself will bring much progress in understanding and experience. If you do healing work, the universe supports that big time. I went from total martial, to total spiritual/healing once in my life. I experienced a tremendous contrast in what energies came forward to support what I was doing, and how much bigger the stage was that I was working on. I enjoy both, try to find a good balance, but know my more significant growth is through meditation, and helping others.
Focus is something you can accomplish mechanically by simplifying your pracitice. Your thoughts will settle down with that too, and you can do better for yourself and family as well as your self practice.
love,
gallen
