*LONG POST*
I think this idea that you must have consciously defined goals that meet some sort of criteria in order to be happy, grow, and live a fulfilling life is utter nonsense. That you must adhere to some preconceived, linear, and rigid process in order to have valuable goals is utterly absurd.
Tell me that there are no people on this planet who are successful without having written down their goals or going through formal goal setting processes, and I'll call you a bald-faced liar. Of course there are people who are successful who do things in their own particular way.
Each one of us here has had any number of successes setting and achieving goals in his or her own particular way. This is done often without realizing it, and we often take it for granted. We take it for granted so much and so well that we are able to engage in bullheaded foolishness such as causing ourselves personal misery because we "don't have goals" or "have trouble setting goals."
Now, you may want to have written down goals in front of your mirror and to live your life in accordance with them. You may want to dedicate your time to those pursuits and live in that fashion. But by all means, if you would like, feel free to abandon that approach and live your life successfully in any manner you find works for you.
When I was in college and a lot of **** was going down in my life, and I was absolutely miserable. I wanted to change a great deal of things, so in order to do so I read a lot of self-help stuff. What happened was tantamount to self-torture. I was making myself crazy with that crap. There were all sorts of linear, rigid techniques to which I was supposed to adhere that did not work for me and actually had the effect of crippling the natural, unconscious responses and learnings that were taking place ... that were, in effect, helping me out of the mess in which I was trapped.
You all may have heard the poem or story about the centipede, who walking along one day, asks himself, "now which leg follow which" and then trips and falls into a ditch.
You all have met some people in your lives who turned out to be very special. There was something in particular that made you notice a special person, something that made you curious or attracted. You might have felt the need to ask that person about some fact or other upon which you were unclear, and that may have led to a conversation in which one gets to know the other ... and the rest is history. Now what made you notice that particular attractive or curious trait? What made you unclear about that particular fact?
Your unconscious mind contains all of your desires. It sees to your needs and makes sure that they are met. You might say, or you might think, I want this or want that, and this may take on a greater and greater meaning to you.
Do you think Mother Teresa, when she was a little girl, wrote down on a sheet of paper, "Sainthood. Mother of the poor"? The idea is ridiculous. Of course she didn't. She went through experiences that led to her quite natural responses. Certain things became very important to her. She no doubt thought about them a lot. And she felt a great inner need to do something about it.
It's a fine thing to recognize a deep inner need and to do something about it. It's a good thing to write down any number of your feelings and desires. You may want to focus upon something. It certainly can be comforting.
It's an interesting journey and a very important process to find out just what is so important to you. Important enough, certainly, to write it down. Important enough to do something to support that need on a daily basis. The process can be very natural for you. It doesn't have to take any rigid form. It can take as many forms as you'd like ... and it might take a great many forms before you find the ones that are just right for you.
In all of this I want to emphasize a very important point. This point is, I believe, of crucial importance, and it can mean the difference between happiness and unnecessary misery on the part of an individual in his ongoing life experience. And that is a rigid, conscious fixation upon any particular method or any particular technique as being thought of as absolutely necessary can bring about a paralyzation in the great number of dynamic learning capacities in the individual. It can lead to a great deal of useless suffering and can incapacitate the very processes necessary to bring about the desired result.
One can and should be flexible in one's approach. One can be open and responsive. It is ideal, in my opinion, to allow oneself to grow naturally into one's goals and into the development of one's goals as a means to enjoy life and to participate actively in one's unique, ongoing development as an individual. This is not a process defined step by step in some book or by anyone else. It is between you and your unconscious mind, which is very intelligent and has brought you this far. The process is very individualistic, very meaningful, and is an expression of an individual's distinct set of talents, desires, needs, and experiences.
[This message has been edited by babayada (edited September 06, 2003).]
