Somewhere in my travels somebody once said to me, "If you're upset (angry / irritated / frustrated) then YOU'RE the one with the problem."
I found that to be a particularly irritating and annoying thing to hear. After all, if somebody's doing something that ticks me off, then it seems like if they would quit doing it I'd be happy so why am I the one with the problem?
What I finally realized (after being told about a gazillion times) is that I choose to indulge in my own emotions and therefore I become angry by choice, and that the reason I become angry is usually related (somehow, one way or another) to fear.
Perhaps I'm afraid of losing something I already have (independence, freedom, power, authority, status, etc) or that I will not achieve or gain something I want to have.
The way I have found to handle it (it works for me) is through detachment. I let whatever happens be OK. Most of the times, situations resolve themselves with very little effort on my part.
And often, they resolve themselves into better resolutions if I keep my cotton-pickin' hands off of it!
So I often find myself (or strive to ) doing nothing, saying nothing. Ever see that episode of Seinfeld called 'Opposite George'? George Costanza discovered that every instinct he had, every move he made was wrong. So Jerry suggested that if this was true, then doing the opposite would have to be right. For the rest of the episode George did the opposite, and he became very happy and very peaceful!
Great. Life advice from Seinfeld.
Still, letting things unfold and not resisting them does work for me. Some people call it to "act as if.." others call it "fake it till you make it."
I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
I don't have to indulge in every emotion that flickers across my consciousness. I can observe the emotion, name it, take a breath and let it pass through me without allowing myself to seize, pursue and act on it.
I'm working on picking my battles and winning the ones I pick.
