Kaiden,
I find it interesting what you said, "the whole idea of "You're unable to control yourself, and even when you do it's just a fruad until you have a relapse" is not a resourceful meme to be carying around." I agree. It is a very heavy burden to carry and should not be shouldered by anyone, namely one indivudual.
This past weekend, in between the times when I was trying to fix this cursed computer, I was visiting with my mom. She mentioned a friend of ours that had been offered this killer job at the premier salon in her area. She is very talented and what is interesting about this little story is that she turned it down. My mother reasoned that this individual turned it down because she was afraid of success. Goes against all logical thought, but it does make sense when one thinks about it. The responsibility alone can cause some people to fear even moving in that direction. It's not that they don't want the success, but they fear everything else...the letting people down, the not performing up to par, making a mistake, etc.
I have since thought about this and have wondered if I am not doing the same thing, i.e. using my addiction as a crutch to provide that minute amount of satisfaction that never really quenches ones thirst instead of moving thru the challenges that are before me to gain the better prize, the greater satisfaction. But there you have it. The uncomfortableness of working through the problem...or...receiving instant gratification in the form of this or that solution. One is the better of course, but the problem arises that one has to convince him/herself to change. Either one remains a slave or becomes the master, in charge of his own life.
