Hi Griot,
Yes, it would be good for you to return to your daily practice.
If you can, do active exercise too. They support each other, and make for a more complete and 'balanced' practice. Sometimes emotional feelings can keep you from feeling like doing the active exercise, and meditation seems more doable. That is certainly fine, although I would say that one goes into thinking, to make these decisions, and it is easy to talk yourself into or out of, just about anything. Many times, I am self aware, seeing myself 'start' to think about whether or not to exercise or meditate, and if I stop that thinking process and just do it, I do it.
It is good to write and hear yourself talk. You answer many of your own questions, or bring up the right choice, as you know what it is right on some level, even though you kick around the consideration. Your practice can help you through this. It grounds you, and also provides time out of your head which is transformational in regards to what you consider or wonder about.
You will strengthen yourself in body and spirit, and clarity will come with that.
Please know that your mother is still accessible in spirit. My mother passed away from Alzheimers. In the final months, she had mini or cluster strokes here and there. At one point I visited her, and she was sitting in a chair twitching, uncontrollably jerking, and had no ability to communicate, although the staff said they could see a difference in her upon my being present.
That didn't help, as I then considered her possible suffering in that state. It took time, but through my meditation practice, following my intuition and also utilizing any relative qigong technique/theory, I managed to transform the negative image and memory. I don't recall all the specifics, but in the last meditation session that shifted it all, I remember seeing her smiling, looking how she looked in her youth, and two larger than life angels lifting her off and away. That is now my memory of her. Intuition can provide the missing pieces, in how to do, what you do not know initially how to do. I invited my mother in to several of my meditations , sometime after her passing. I remember holding her head in my hands, and focusing on healing for her spirit and from the possible trauma in how she died. Eventually her image changed, and I knew she was okay. Sometime after that, I was helping a very sick young man over the course of a few years. He died, and I immediately kept working with his spirit afterwards. I was very aware of the gift of experience given me surrounding my mother's passing.
love,
gallen
