Hi
I started SPF qigong about 5 months ago. I posted then a few questions relating to my particular physical issues and how to adapt my practice of active exercises.
Recap: dealing with chronic pain resulting from 2 car accidents, osteoarthritis, and my life scripts carried in my body. As a retired psychotherapist I'm well aware of mind/body/spirit connections and have done years of inner work on myself. Also I've meditated on and off for years and done all kinds of bodywork in that time(alexander, feldenkrais, rolfing, reichian, gestalt,etc.) At this stage in my life, I have been truly and deeply trying to own my embodiment of who I am, including my particular physical pains, letting go victim stuff.
I also know that qigong( like other forms of healing) releases toxins and that this process can take time.
My 5 month journey with qigong has seen me begin able to stand only for brief periods of active ex, unable to do movements for very long. I have begun from 10 min to up to an hour now, but in that time, much was at the start using my imagination for the bits I couldn't do physically ( knees in 7 steps, arms in moving ying/yang, some arm movements in harmony of universe). I got to where I was doing more physically with a few bits I continued in my mind alone.
I also have been doing small universe sometimes daily, then a break, to daily now for weeks for usually an hour. I also listened to Faith and Confidence cd in bed as I fell asleep. In last 3 weeks I've switched to 6 Word Chant, since I know I've got deeply held emotional blockages in my heart channnel, which are entrenched in my spine and through my shoulders.
So my daily practice for some months has been 1 hour active(with some imagining for bits I couldn't do physically) and 1 hour small universe as a minimum.
I felt amazing in these months, increasingly confident of the power of qigong. I also have been giving level 2 healing regularly to family and friends with some very positive and immediate results. I also have done level 1 healing on myself for minor things, again with very immediate results.
I noticed as well a tremendous release in my lumbar spine which has been in pain and susceptible to frequent spasms and flareups since 1997. I have been more flexible in that part of my body than I have been since pre-car accident in 1996. Actually, I've been more limber there like I was over 25 years ago. For me all these things have been a huge testament of qigong working.
In recent weeks as I noticed more physical pain in my heart channel/spine area( which is also location of worst car damage and a rotational congenital deformity) and shoulders and upper arms, I just saw this as further releasing of blockages, and have been trying to stay open, positive and cooperate with the process. I STILL think that this is what is happening now, BUT, I'm feeling waves of sadness ( which could be old emotional hurts( as well as my heart centre opening more-when I heal others, I can "feel"/see auras and spirit guides, also weird sounds. I know my third eye has been opening more. I used to be a healer years ago, but moved away from it.).
I've also been feeling old angers/victim stuff come up again, as well as very disheartened.
I've been having really bad shoulder and upper arm pain, and have gradually been going back to imagining more of the active exercises, which feels like going backwards. And nonsense scripts like "If qigong really worked, I wouldn't have had my pain increase, nor sprout in new places." " I'll never get better" "It's too deeply entrenched" Blah, blah.
Usually my pain has eased with the qigong up until this last " body crisis". The nail in my "doubt coffin" went in yesterday when I saw my physiotherapist who said my shoulder pain is arthritis-based and that the qigong movements,which so many involve shoulder/arm actions are aggravating me. AND that the arthritis is permanent and I shouldn't do repetitive movements of any kind or I'll reinflame the joints. Just do 1-2 repetitions and imagine the rest.
Well, I've felt really low about that. Because of the great leaps forward I described above, I'd hoped/ believed that the arthritis in my hands and knees would eventually in time heal or be virtually pain free. Now with this new news, I feel a crisis of confidence, especially since so much of the active exercises involve shoulder/arm actions. And I'm worried that if I only visualise most of them, then I won't be benefiting as much as if I could physically do them. Also, I miss the actual physical sensation of doing them; they felt good. But they have definitely been too much for what my body can physically tolerate.
So, what I do NOW is: try to imagine arms moving in moving ying/yang, while only physically doing them 1 or 2 cycles only. But trying to imagine the arm actions is difficult to maintain; I can see one go round, but can't keep the other in my mind's eye easily.
Breathing of the universe:I physically do 2 in/out, then imagine the rest while my hands rest in front of lower dantien in same position as for the exercise on pillow as I sit.
Joining of ying/yang: I do as previous, sitting, hands on pillow in ball shape, moving my hands only(keeping shoulders/upper arms still)infintessimally. I continue to send healing to others while I do this one, which I've done for 5 months.
Harmony of universe:I stand,and omit upper arm action at shoulder level, but reach to heavens and do extensions with 1 arm up/1 down
7 steps: just pump with legs with 1 cycle only with both arms and legs. The rest of time I move legs only, concentrating on breath and link with universal energy in each centre.
Harvesting chi: all done but imagine bits affecting shoulder rotation, kidney cupping/massaging.
So I am persevering, but my confidence is dented, and I'm scared (probably old script and kidney blockage)that I (and my shoulders, heart/spine area) won't improve doing qigong in this more limited way, and that I just won't improve PERIOD!
Sorry this is so long, but I just felt in need of support. I am NOT going to stop doing qigong, but I don't like feeling the way I am at the moment. I know I should be more "zen" about it all, but physical pain is a great hook, and I've had so much of it over the years.
Sorry to be a downer.
Peggy
