Peggy,
Thanks for sharing all of this with us. It is fairly normal for people to experience these kinds of feelings. I do. In fact, I have been going through a down time right now and I recognize this as resistance and blockages. I have been through it before and if I just return to the practice (as best I can), I always work through it.
Always.
I agree with gallen's thoughts and zahyrus' comments here also. The message is essential. It is good that your doctor cares about you. And you can be grateful for that and for his trying to help you and then do what you have been doing because it seems from your message that you are making progress.
I know five months can seem like a long time and all time is relative. Nevertheless, how long have you had the pain, conditions, blockages? Some blockages can take a year or years to clear out completely.
SFQ and qigong in general is very powerful and works very well. However, although sometimes it can seem like magic (and it is magic, if you interpret magic in its original meaning of "hidden wisdom"). But quite often, for serious conditions, it can take longer than just a few months or even 5 or 6. And yet, from your message, it seems like it
IS working. Just not as fast as you would like.
And that is natural and normal. This goes back to Mel Brooks' famous formula about comedy and tragedy: he says something like "Comedy is watching someone slip on a banana peel and fall on their bottom, maybe even down a hill. Tragedy is when
[b][/b] get a paper cut!". Again, it's all relative. It is easy for anyone (even ourselves) to say, "I know that this is not that long a time". But inside ourselves, it feels like so long and we want results! And the irony about these kinds of feelings, is that they are raised precisely because it IS working!
We feel change and there is both wanting more and resistance to change from the ego.
Just keep doing the best you can.
And a few more things:
I agree with gallen about the Small Universe. Focus on that more if the physical movements are too much. And/or (and these can even be combined, i.e. you can do the Small Universe WHILE you are doing the following) :
The postures of SFQ, i.e. the two opening exercises, "The BEginning of the Universe" and "The Forming of Yin and Yang"
ARE indeed powerful qigong exercises. There are forms of qigong that are EXCLUSIVELY postures (standing, sitting or lying down). I used to do one of those. I would ONLY stand in various mudras (arm/hand postures) for anywhere from 10 minutes to hours.
The movements are good and can help... WHEN THEY HELP! But if they are hurting, it is like that old vaudeville joke: Guy goes to a doctor. Does some kind of movement with his arm or leg and says, "Doctor, Doctor, it hurts when I do this!".
Doctor says: "Don't do that!"
Although there is a yin/yang balance even with this joke, basically if it hurts, do something else. Focus on those things within SFQ that you CAN do.
Small Universe is the most powerful part of SFQ. Period. Master Lin even says this in the Level I course and in his book, BORN A HEALER. It is part of the reason why, in Level II, it goes up to a one hour audio of Small Universe. And in Level III, they recommend that you are doing 2 hours of Small Universe before taking Level III.
I believe Master Nance was doing something like 6-12 hours of Small Universe and other mediation every day before reaching Master level.
Last thing, but related: The Breathing of the Universe is an important movement, but really, IMHO, the MOST important parts of Breathing of the Universe is the
BREATHING (well, duh, Steve!
), and the visualization of the energy coming in and out (like Universal or Cosmic CPR!). I practiced another form of qigong, Chinese Essence QIgong, where my teacher taught us a lying down meditation where all we did was the breathing and the mind stuff. There was no arm movements.
Master Lin emphasizes this "Energy Breathing" a few times throughout the entire SFQ Curriculum. He talks about it at the beginning of the entire course and at the Beginning of the Universe (or preparation section). He now incorporates it more to the preparation for Small Universe on the newer version SFQ Store CD (slightly different temp and a quieter and somewhat more laid back version. The down side is that it harder to hear the coaching at the beginning when he is chanting also. Also, he only coaches through 2 cycles, as opposed to the 3 cycles he does on the Learning Strategies).
He basically teaches to imagine the Breathing of the Universe visualization (fresh energy coming from the ends of the Universe coming in and exhaling through and from every part of the skin/body the blockage as smoke, or butterflies or whatever, leaving the body returning to the ends of the Universe). The only difference, is that instead of ONLY coming in and gathering in the lower tan tien, it gathers in each new energy area as you move around the Small Universe.
You are making progress. It is much more obvious to someone who is not inside the pain (the paper cut) than it will be to you. It is like watching a child grow up. It is more obvious to some who only sees the child at longer intervals than it will be either to the child or the parent.
Like any kind of growth, it is incremental mostly. Yes, there are growth spurts and you have had some of those from what you described. And at least with me, I know my ego then wants more of THOSE! And when I don't get them, I hear the same kinds of voices telling me "This isn't working". This happens with a lot of spiritual work. WHile we experience the "miracle" or whatever, we are so knocked out by it.
But later, the ego, consensus reality, whatever, says, "Wait a minute, that can't be right. Did that really happen? I don't think it did"
And the more we focus on that, the more true it is.
I have been there, done that, watched that video, wore that t-shirt. OR to paraphrase what Joni Mitchell wrote and sang (though Judy Collins had the hit with it), "I've looked at spiritual breakthrough from both sides now, from in an out, but still somehow, it's the breakthrough illusions I recall, I really don't know what's real...
at all!"
The good news for me (and it seems for you), is that years ago, due to that message, I would leave the practice for months and even years.
Those days are gone.
I "fall off the wagon" sometimes and it is not the best.
But it is MUCH BETTER!
I never lose more than a week anymore.
Not best, but better. Better than still good, which was what I was doing years ago.
You are doing better. And your message has it throughout.
Keep up the better work!
