Hello all thank you for your replies, im sorry i waited so long to reply. Thanks very much Metal that was an encouraging comment. I have been doing SFQ for a few months but very sporadicly. I know that Chunyi says not to sway the spine during Moving of Yin and Yang for example, saying it keeps you from going to the emptiness level. So that had me worried over whether to try to supress myself or not. Theres not much getting around it though. I have to say I'm a very unusual person. I grew up in a cult where my dad made me do his own spiritual exercises/meditation/pranayma as a kid. I started doing drugs as a teen and they had a drastic effect on my system. They effected diferntly than other people and culminated in getting a strong energy sickness that almost killed me and im still recovering 2 years later. I researched alot and have learned alot of differnt energy work techniques, I know about Kunlun and spontaneous qigong for example. My favorite out of all of them is probably Nithyandas yoga system. Its free and online btw. His 7 steps to kundalini/enkriya meditation was proven to raise cellular energy levels by 1300% probably becuase of the oxygen increase by breath holding.
Anyways, every since that energy sickness caused by marijuana I have some anomalies like I dont have thoughts or a sense of Iness nearly as strong as i used to. I am oversentive to everything and whenver other people are around i feel like they mercilessly steal my energy until i feel like im going to die but i dont. Like litterally imagine your most core holy vitality being sucked away into something as powerufl as a black hole with no reversal no matter how hard you struggle until you feel no more alive than a corpse.
The problem is with all the mediations i try they all seem to hard for me. I seem to be both gifted and cursed ever since i changed. I am better at some things and worse at others spiritually.
Anyways it sounds like it might be a good thing that i go into the spontanoues movement stuff so ill get into that and see how it goes. i have a good feeling about it.
Another thing that happens is ill feel nothing and then get strong jolts of energy that kinda stress me out, they seem to powerful to "enter" so they end up cuasing a stress reaction. Also when i try to do moving of yin and yang i try to imagine the transparent colum but i feel that my torso is too tall or long and it creates a very uncomfortable feeling like im imblanacing myself by increasing that longness. And with the energy ball one, where you imagine your bodies energies in the ball it makes me feel as if im shrinking my body at a rapid rate and its not good. *sigh, just get up and try again, smarter and harder.
