Forums IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ Paraliminals, Paraliminal Resets, Paraliminal Walkabouts, Natural Brilliance, Sonic Access How to Use Positive Relationships?

Could we discuss how this CD works and how to use it?
Any anecdotes?

The Positive Relationship Paraliminal works the same as all the Paraliminals using duel voices to reach your nonconscious mind so you can make personal adjustments that benefit you in your relationships.

Session A focuses on specific conflicts experiences with others. Session B is for your personal limitations that you want to overcome in a relationship.

Session A would be used for such situations where a person or people in general manage to push your sensitive buttons.

Session B is for example is useful for when you fell inferior. Afraid to talk to someone. Be it boss, partner or even kids. Fear that you will say something that sets them off.

Those are only examples there are many more ways the Paraliminal can be put to use.

It can even be considered useful for sexual relationships. If you have discomforts in certain circumstances with your partner that affects your mutual satisfaction. Then give the Postitive Relationship a go.

The thing with Paraliminals is not to be limited by the title. The Stories that Paul tells take on specific meaning in accordance with your intention for listening. That's why just listening with the thought I'd like to improve myself in the area of [title] may not product noticable results.

If you can say how you want to want to improve and perhaps rate yourself where you are now on a scale of 1 to 10. Listen to the Paraliminal with the intention of improving XYZ in a relationship. Then a couple of days later rate yourself again where you are now and determine if you want to listen again with the same intention or a slightly modified one. Sometimes one listening session uncovers something we didn't notice before.

Alex

Hi Alex,
How do I set goals for both side A n B?
So, lets say I want to improve in the area of communicating honestly and supportively with my wife. I use that as my goal/area of "conflict" that I want to work on for side A.
But which goal should I set for side B? (I mean, how do I use Side B to further improve my personal relationship with my wife)? Am I supposed to use Side B to follow up on the stated goal of side A or on something totally new?

Sometimes you don't even need the other session. You might only need one. Session A works directly with what you percieve to be the problem. That may be all that needs to be done. Session B Takes your underlying fears, limitations or what's missing in your relationship.

With session A you handle the conflict directly.

With session B you're looking at waht you are afraid of, what's missing and what there isn't enough of in your relationship.

You might decide, you experience conflict with her because you don't feel appreciated, as a limitation you might see it as you're not showing her your appreciation for her and you might just decide that you lack appreciation in your relationships.

Deiced what would be the ideal you want, what you are willing to give and what you would like to receive in return.

You may have everything you need with either session A or Session B. A does not mean it's the first session you must listen to if you know where you're feeling pained in a relationship. Listening to the session might trigger some insights taht lead you to the other session.

So if you have a reason for listening to session A but can't think of one for session B. Stick with session A.

But when you listen to session A and afterwards or still find yourself feeling helpless or hopeless about changing the situation. That's exactly the feelings you work with Session B on.

Alex

An apparently good friend suddenly stopped talking to me. Before, we spent a lot of time together and one day he said that the relationship was too "oppressive". I recalled couple of times where I insisted that we should do something in specific (like go sailing) and he reacted like I was pushing it down his throat. (Of course, I only thought I was been enthusiastic about the idea, so when I asked, "Let's do it this weekend...” etc.
It could be too late to save this friendship but honestly I still don't see what I did wrong. Maybe I put him under the spotlight for too long.
How could I use Positive Relationships to at least have a casual ("small talk") relationship with this person?
And yeap..I know about "free will", etc. but I think in this case "something shifted"

Thanks Alex, that really puts things into clearer perspective for me. Just one more question, if you don't mind: in the tape case cover, Paul poses 3 questions that we might ask ourselves for side A and another 3 questions for side B.
When listening to either side A or B, do I need to ask myself all 3 questions, or just 1 of the suggested questions?

I like to explore all the questions that Paul ask. Often the one I pick consciously is the one I need to work on but there have been times when one of the others gave me an ah-ha and I found that one was the one I wanted to work with.

Don't be afraid of modifying Paul's questions. He could easily have generated 20 or 30 relevant questions. So you could just as easily as Why is this important to me?

You know on most Paraliminals Paul asks the questions again in the beginning of the recording. It is easier if you have already thought about it but hearing someone ask you the question triggers the thinking into deeper levels.

You don't need a perfect answer. In fact you may not be able to answer them at all. Just know what outcome you want and the nonconscious mind can do the rest.

Annapolitan,

If you wanted to use Persaonl Relationship. I'd start with session B. What are you afraid of losing, what's missing in the relationship and consider also what you are willing to give and expect in return.

Off hand it looks like you want to control the relationship and he doesn't want to be controlled. If that's how it seems to you then that's your session A project. But in this case it is best to start with session B to help you identify what you feel is going wrong. You may then find out what is going on that causes you to behave the way you do, what sets him off and what sets you off. When you have an idea what that is then you have a prject for session A.

However you might just find that you need to stick with session B and the relationship right now is what it is. And use the Paraliminal to help you work through what you feel is missing or wrong with the relationship.

Alex

Alex:
You have great insight! Until now, I never thought that I wanted to "control" the relationship. My first reaction was "of course, I control the relationship" Arrgh!! Never in a million years had I thought I'll be controlling. I called it been "proactive". So now, I am confused about where to turn to. Being proactive is good (desirable); controlling doesn't give me the results I want. What resource do I need to call forward on this situation? This relationship stuff has multiple levels!

Proactive is something you do for yourself. Once you start including others and want them to do what you advise you move toward controlling. It's part of give and take in a relationship. Some times it's better to let others take control and just allow yourself to be told what to do, others you want to have an input make suggestions or even go it your own when others don't agree. Something we learned at the Natural Brilliance Retreat.

It doesn't make it wrong. Just look at what you're willing to give in the relationship.

Relationships and everything else in life is like a balancing act. You have to keep moving. Keep adjusting the sails. There isn't only one answer.

As suggested. Work with side B. What is missing, lacking or are you afraid of that makes you want to be so proactive in the relationship. Perhaps the discomfort comes from the fact that he doesn't always want to follow your lead? Don't worry about pinpointing the answer, it's never only one right answer. You can come up with a stack are right so leave it to your nonconscious mind if it doesn't broadcast one that resonates with you, right now. Listen to the Paraliminal with intention the outcome you desire in mind.

Answers may come or you might just find that the relationship has changed.

Alex

[This message has been edited by Alex K. Viefhaus (edited August 08, 2005).]

Let’s prepare for the case that the relationship has changed. Then, I feel angry that it went from 60 mph to 0mph in a day or two. I am trying not to show anger because this would make things worst -- I think I want to communicate that I deserve more respect. Even though we agreed to greet each other at the gym, etc. The other day we took a 3 day class together and he didn’t even acknowledged my presence. Anyone in a relationship should be given the chance to hear what caused the end of it. At one point, I said, "Do you know that I am your friend” and he said that “it seems that the feeling is not mutual and something to the effect that I did not have to know what happened”. Of course, now even if I were not to care about the relationship --- the controller in me gets activated by that remark. This must be a typical example of self-feeding loop – a stock situation? I am also using Natural Brilliance for this. “This” means not getting stuck in my own control issues – I want to be free from having to control. It might be too late for this friendship (since I am starting not to care about it) but maybe if I learn not to be so controlling, it will be all worthwhile.
Note: If you think I am gicing too much information or that this subject is not appropriate, please let me know.