Hi Nickie,
Thanks for your time, suggestions and especially for sharing. I wish you the best in dealing with your breakup and the other difficult feelings it has brought up. Losing a relationship after such a long time as nine years is very hard, and I'm glad to hear that the paraliminals are helpful. Good luck!
You spoke about feeling hurt as feeling "contracted" and "it tends to implode inward for me". For me, hurt doesn't implode, which implies a sort of hollowing; is that what you mean? Hurt permeates me, if I let it. It weighs on me and exhausts me, leaving me feeling anything from mildly pouty to ineffectual to worthless. Anger, on the other hand, is as you say, "like the energy is moving more." I've preferred that feeling of energy and power my whole life to the other, but just as locking oneself into any emotion will, it locks out everything else. Knowing this, I've approached anger from various angles over the years, including variations on your three questions. Oh, how I wish there weren't such difficult consequences to answering them!
Mostly those consequences boil down to one thing: How much of myself am I willing to face right now? Alex's responses have so far been, as you say, right on target and very helpful. Now your response adds another dimension, and I thank you both (not to mention Paul and company for the paraliminals!). It's far easier to face difficult matters knowing that all one really has to do is be kind to oneself through the hard parts, accept them, and then let them go. (That is, Kubler-Ross's five steps of grieving pretty much cover it.)
I think what we're all saying is that, ultimately, anyone who feels unexplained anger, or any emotion inappropriate to its setting, has to stop responding reflexively and explore the underlying emotions. If we don't explore our feelings, life will be shallow, boring, unsatisfying, and certainly not much fun. Who wants that!? Not me, and obviously not you.
Good luck and God bless,
Danielle
