Hi Linda
It seems like you're in a pretty rough situation at the moment. I'm thinking your problem could be very biochemical.
One factor that is affecting you the most is your high-strung, jumpiness. The paraliminal "Deep Relaxation" would be a start, giving you a few moments of peace here and there.
S l o w d o w n, you have alot to get through and your healing is not going to happen overnight, but you can heal yourself when time is your friend, and time is your biggest friend. What you got to learn is that taking healing step by step is okay, even if they are little steps. Your greatest asset in healing yourself is your perseverence, so take it easy and push forward gradually.
Try to think of happy, pleasant times. Focus on a positive emotional state even if it's just a word, like "peace", "serenity", "love". Focus so much on a positive state that it becomes part of you, over time.
Drink plenty of fresh water, eat plenty of salads, spend time enjoying nature. If possible spend time with animals, especially dogs if you like dogs.
Try and pretend you are like you want to be, and persist with it.
Hot and cold showering might help. Shower in warm/hot water then put the shower on cold for a few seconds, always end on warm/hot though.
Going for a short walk and a bit of exercise can also help.
Do things you like, treat yourself. Focus on what you want, and not on what you don't want. For instance if you catch yourself thinking, "Why am I like this?", rather ask yourself "What do I want?"
Maybe I've volunteered too much info, but I know the paraliminals won't work on their own.
Get Self-Esteem Supercharger, and Deep Relaxation, but then try the Natural Brilliance Personal Learning Course, it will teach you to focus on what you want. By the Cds and tapes, if you can possibly sell the tapes to someone for $65
Know that there is a great future awaiting you, persevere.
Grant