It turns out my low self-confidence was one of the things that kept me from relapsing. When I took that away, I thought I could handle it. Turns out I'm in a worse emotional hell right now then I ever thought possible. I don't feel guilty over what I did, but I feel amazing self-hate as a consequence.

I'm going to try the Belief tape to change my additudes towards drugs. I'll let you know how it works.

Hi Kaiden,

Does your post mean that you relapsed, or that you are feeling this "self-hate" over things you've done in the past?

Are you in a 12-step program? Do you have a sponsor?

I know what you are going through...it will get better.

Mike

I don't like 12-step programs because I see it as a "switch" rather than a "cure." I don't like relying on anything outside of myself.

I think the self-hate was the result of my trying to do an absolute detox. Normally, I take 150mg of venlafaxine. I skipped this for two days in a row and had a serious self-concept problem. Within two hours taking the venlafaxine, I was feeling much better.

I've used the Belief tape to change my attitudes towards altered states. While I kept the belief that an altered state is essential for the use of "paranormal" abilities, I installed the belief that the most productive altered states are self-directed, rather than chemically dependant.

I also used the Instantaneous Personal Magnetism tape to close the leaking of idiotic spending. It was difficult, because the role modle I always choose is a gormet with very expensive tastes. I tried to choose another model, but my brain eliminated all of them as being too full of leakages in other places, even if they do have good money-management skills. I then realized that the character I normally model has far more resources then he spends.