Posted By: Kaiden "woops" on Self-Esteem Supercharger - 11/29/02 03:24 AM
It turns out my low self-confidence was one of the things that kept me from relapsing. When I took that away, I thought I could handle it. Turns out I'm in a worse emotional hell right now then I ever thought possible. I don't feel guilty over what I did, but I feel amazing self-hate as a consequence.

I'm going to try the Belief tape to change my additudes towards drugs. I'll let you know how it works.

Posted By: MikeB Re: "woops" on Self-Esteem Supercharger - 11/30/02 08:21 AM
Hi Kaiden,

Does your post mean that you relapsed, or that you are feeling this "self-hate" over things you've done in the past?

Are you in a 12-step program? Do you have a sponsor?

I know what you are going will get better.


Posted By: Kaiden Re: "woops" on Self-Esteem Supercharger - 12/01/02 06:37 AM
I don't like 12-step programs because I see it as a "switch" rather than a "cure." I don't like relying on anything outside of myself.

I think the self-hate was the result of my trying to do an absolute detox. Normally, I take 150mg of venlafaxine. I skipped this for two days in a row and had a serious self-concept problem. Within two hours taking the venlafaxine, I was feeling much better.

I've used the Belief tape to change my attitudes towards altered states. While I kept the belief that an altered state is essential for the use of "paranormal" abilities, I installed the belief that the most productive altered states are self-directed, rather than chemically dependant.

I also used the Instantaneous Personal Magnetism tape to close the leaking of idiotic spending. It was difficult, because the role modle I always choose is a gormet with very expensive tastes. I tried to choose another model, but my brain eliminated all of them as being too full of leakages in other places, even if they do have good money-management skills. I then realized that the character I normally model has far more resources then he spends.

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