I was wondering if it is at all possible to use paraliminals to help get over losing a loved one or to help recover froma break up and move on quicker. I'll tell you my story so you can understand.
My Story:
I lost my fiance. We were together 3 years (she is 18 turning 19 in a few days). She left me about 2 months or so ago and now has entered my life again after i called her and told her how my life is getting better and to thank her because i am becoming a better person now.
She is now totally not the person i knew, she has changed her whole 'image' she got a tattoo, tongue ring, nose stud. Anyway she is also flirting where i go online with all the guys - she is also posting pictures up of herself (when she hates having her picture taken) now i have been told this is her way of playing games. Rubbing it in my face. I have been busy lately so luckily i haven't been able to see her. But i think it is obvious that i still have some unresolved issues caring about her and what she is doing.

So can paraliminal tapes be used to help "let go" and move on ??

I was thinking along the lines of using self-esteem supercharger everynight before bed for a week. Instaneous Personal Magnetism when i wake up in the morning and during my 1 hour relaxation time for myself (i have put this time aside each night though some nights i have alot of work to get through so i don't get to it) i will use the first half of the relationships paraliminal.

Thank you in advance.

G.

This is one of the more arduous tasks in the life of any man. My suggestions? Listen to EVERY TAPE YOU HAVE.

One thing that has helped me is to avoid music. Most music is either feel-good music about being in love, which will just make you feel awful because the woman you used to love has not only left you, but has transformed herself into something completely different. The rest of it is feel-bad music about cheating, dumping, lost love, and even a new song I like to call the stalker song, (“If you’re not the one for me why does your name run through my mind all day?”). Better to have a book on tape or NPR on your radio, if anything at all.

One of the better tapes, although it takes multiple listenings to truly bring comfort to something so uncomfortable as love in vain, is the New History Generator. There are so many shattered expectations that your past futures have all become tangled up. The New History Generator gives you a chance to explore those futures that never will happen, and give you a sense that it is OK that your life is in the here and now.

I hope this was helpful.

I know it can be a difficult thing letting go after being with someone for so long, so I feel for you.

I think there are a few Paraliminals that will help with this one, including New Behavior Generator, Belief, and New Option Generator. They can all be used in a number of areas, so if you read the instructions on how to use them and state your goal for being able to move on. Self-Esteem Supercharger probably wouldn't hurt, either.

To recover from a past relationship, there are a lot of help right here on how to use paraliminals on that: http://www.learningstrategies.com/Paraliminal/Article9.html

Also I would suggest stop thinking of her and stop focusing on her. That only will make you think of her, prabably also in other ways to that, than just hate.. The best thing I think, it would be, is to let go of her. If she wants to screw up a lot of her time in her life on you, then let her. I think that it's a sign of that she really has loved you! Else why should she be so angry?? You must be worth a lot. Just let the fire go out by itself. just do nothing. Ignore her.. hate has to come out and will pass over time (if you don't put tree into it!).

By the way, why not find a new girlfriend, when you are ready to do that? Somebody this time who has a lot of good qualities. Also these ones which your last one did not have. Or What are your standards? up to you... When you are ready..

Murof.

Thank you everyone.
Finding a new g/f would be nice but i still have an attachment to my ex. She was my fiance after all and i thought and felt like i would be with her forever.
Kaiden you are right about the music, but i listen to it anyway. After a while it becomes just a song again, though some things hit me from time to time.
I don't think closure will come from paraliminals or going out with another woman though. Paraliminals help alot as will going out with another woman i'm sure, but when it comes down to it, with all these games we're playing it's never going to end unless one of us comes clean about how we really feel.

Automatic Pilot side A has helped alot. I don't have New History Generator. I think i should get it though.

Once again thank you. and if anyone has anything to add, please do...

G.

I guess it is possible to "not" focus or "stop" thinking about someone. But you got that don't think of blue problem.

Some people handle relationship loss by going directly into another one. Other people decide to stay away from new relationships at all costs and find out who they are by themselves, outside of the previous relationship ... especially if that relationship lasted a long time or they changed a lot during it.

Other people decide to start taking time out for themselves and being really "selfish." That is, engaging in a lot of activities that they really, really like. A female friend of mine chose this, and it really seemed to work for her.

My way of handling a really difficult break up was to focus on the negative qualities of the person and making a lot of jokes about the situation.

If it's any consolation, these massive changes this woman is making should indicate the profound effect you have had on her. She seems to have had to go to extremes to deal with the situation herself.

If it is right for you, find new venues online and elsewhere to hang out. Places you like that she isn't. Cut off contact with her.

Sometimes you also might want to feel the hell out of the feelings you're feeling instead of avoiding them. Wring them out, so to speak.

Sometimes, I just want to watch or listen to something really, really sad and give a good, solid cry. Afterward, I feel cleansed.

Some people even go on vacation or visit someone somewhere far away so that the associations with the person just aren't there. A friend of mine had his father die, but then (I forget why) had to go to Europe. There was a lot going on there, and he was needed for several projects. He was so involved and so far away from his family and things to remind him of his father that he said the grief was actually minimal.

Later on, it might have been a year later, he started grieving, but he said it wasn't overwhelming. I found this series of events strange, but they made sense to me. Dunno if I'd do the same. I guess it depends on the intensity.

There are lots and lots of different ways to handle loss. There are even NLP patterns for it. I believe you can find some in Heart of the Mind.

Believe it or not, Anxiety Free might help. Also, New History Generator. Prosperity is also another one. Anxiety free has a pattern in it that'll probably help. Basically, you bring yourself into the future when you have overcome the loss and gotten yourself back on track, back to your normal sense of self and being, and then look back at all the changes you had made now that things are better. What a relief.

I am sure you'll find that you have your own unique way of handling things. I know it might sound hokey and not too soothing, but these times in your life offer you a great opportunity to feel, to know yourself, and to grow. Times of great tragedy and joy are magical and offer you a chance to get in touch with your inner powers ... and maybe get some new ones.

People report all kinds of psychic, psychological, and other strange phenonema during these times.

Babayada has some good advice.

1. Have a really good cry. It will take 3 weeks minimum to get over it.

1. List 10 things you don't like about your ex. Go to alpha level and visualize each item on the list, like some horror movie.

2. List 10 advantages of ending the relationship. With that description of her personality, it sounds like you're better off. Can jou imagine if you had married her and then she pulled that stunt off. You just saved yourself some alimony payments.

You've learned a lesson here. Learn it well and don't repeat the same mistakes again.

3. Change your attractor patterns so that you do not attract that type of person again in your life.

4. Go to the gym and work out.

5. Go to http://www.emofree.com/ and learn and use the EFT technique for lessening your pain.

[This message has been edited by shr33m (edited July 07, 2003).]

I would go back to the listening of the music. Each time you listen song that reminds you of your ex, it automaticly builds stronger memory threads and in away increases your pain of losing someone you like. The memory optimizer is talking about this issue. Most of us have lost someone that we love and in my case music was integrated part of my life. I finaly found out much later how "dangerous" music can be because of the power it has on people. Hovewer just like it has power to harm it has also power to heal. If you love music, then you could be interested of trying Sound Body, Sound Mind by Andrew Weil. It's designed for healing, it's good and works nicely allong with the Paraliminal learning. The key idea in that music is to get your mind out of the way, of your natural healing. It can be that the music you listen, can prevent you from healing from the pain of losing her.

One thing that might help is doing a formal exorcism.

[This message has been edited by Kaiden (edited August 05, 2003).]

I have done a few things which have been helping. But it's a cycle. I let go to a point, then something happens, i observe something and my friends online also observe it, and we all come to the same conclusion that she still cares about me on some level.

e.g. The other night i we were both on the chess site i play at (it seems alot of people know who we both are now) and she always leaves with a goodbye which contains more information than it should. Sometimes it's "bye everyone, i got to get ready, i'm going partying tonight with some friends" or "i got to go - i have a friend coming over" this time it was "i have to go, i got home at 5am this morning from partying all night long, i need some sleep". Anyway after she left (which took over 5mins because she had to wait for all the guys she's flirting with to say "hugs" "kisses" or anything else) i wrote in the chat room "it's about time she left, she can't leave till she gets hugs, kisses, or invitations for sexual encounters" then followed laughter by lots of people in the chat room, then i wrote "oh and she's just too hardcore staying up till 5am...oooh we better watch out".
Little did i know that she had logged back on under a different name to watch what i was saying, she then came back on said something about me not being able to "pay her out" in front of her face, then left after avoiding me saying her "job is done". The next night she unavoided me

Conclusion by me and some female friends i talked to was that she still cares about me on some level. This made me flip from all the progress i had made. I started wondering "what if this is just her in denial" "what if she really does love me" and a few hundred other "what if's".

I keep getting up to a point where all is good and i feel like i am moving on, then i somehow go back two steps and i want her back. (i have a way of dealing with this now which is ok). I think i need to just find out how she really feels and then that may help move on. Because i don't want to leave the site completely (especially since i have membership) and i don't want to have to see her playing games everytime i am on and want to relax and talk to friends. I think i might listen to the Relationships Paraliminal side A and IPM, which i haven't listened to lately, tonight before bed.

Kaiden what do you mean by "Formal Exorcism" ? sounds to weird for my liking.

G.

It's hard to explain magical theory in something as condense as a discussion forum.

Suffice it to say that the brain requires energy in order to think a thought, and thinking thoughts of your ex-love is taking energy that could be used for curing diseases, ending world hunger, or killing things in a video game.

The link I posted above has the pattern for performing an exorcism in the tradition of Solomon. Another way to reclaim your energy is "recapituation," a form of energized breathing where you "breath out" the energy she gave to you, and "breath in" the energy you gave to her.

If you have an interest in Sorcery, I'd suggest visiting True Mind

[This message has been edited by Kaiden (edited July 07, 2003).]

In order to get over, you first must want to get over her. It sounds like you still want her and are hanging on to thought that there is a chance of her coming back. No sir. You just need to tell your self "whats done can not be undone" and move on. There are many fish in the see. With some true determination to get over her and the paraliminal tapes you should get over it in no time. Good Luck

-Benny

Excellent advice, Benny.

I'm going to take it myself, as hard as it is. Although part of me balks at it, the words of Christ (Matthew, 18:22) run through my head. When your other-than-conscious mind starts feeding me Bible passages, I know someone's struck a powerful nerve.

All my advice, listed above, is but dust and shadow compared to your brilliant observation, Benny. Thank you for helping me help myself.

I would read the book - How to Break Your Addiction to a Person by Howard Halpern. It's wonderful. Also, check out www.emofree.com and press certain acupressure points that help you get over emotional pain.

I, too, agree whole-heartedly with Benny.

g-evans,

You mentioned that you're looking for closure. Well, I'm affraid that the only "closure" you may get is realizing that you are probably not going to get any closure at all and accepting that fact. I know that, as the song says, "breaking up is hard to do" but you can be certain that time will eventually make things better.

Here are a few websites that will really help you to understand more about women and what went wrong in your past relationships:
http://www.doclove.com
http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/index.html

The first site is Doc Love's personal site and the next is an archive of his articles from askmen.com. Hope this stuff helps , I know it has helped me understand women a lot better.

-Patrick

In a year's time I have gone through a lot with my first wife. Due to an event in my life, I 'cleaned up the past' with her. This led to us moving in togehter with OUR boys. I proposed to re-marry her and that is how it stood for a while. But I went through a lot of heartache and it is a miracle of a sort that we are actually still living in the same household, but we now have the best relationship that we have ever had, as roommates! We see to the welfare of our kids and enjoy each others company immensely. Just last night I was consoling her and 'being there' for her as she fought with her boyfriend via chat and phone. She waffled more than a politician between two rich lobbyists. That didn't matter, it was about her being happy. Here's the whole thing I am getting at.
We realized that we didn't make our relationship work, we made what works our relationship.
Coming from that perspective there's little to focus on but the positives and to build the relationship around that.
This doesn't mean that you will be rooming with your ex-fiancee and helping her in new relationships...that's what works for us.
But try on the possibility that this viewpoint could make a difference in both of your lives....EVEN if that means no communication because THAT IS WHAT WORKS.
Get it?
Now you can use New Behavior or New History or whichever appeals to you with a new perspective.
I sincerely hope this helps because I spent a lot of time getting to this point myself.

[This message has been edited by spiritofwill (edited September 25, 2003).]

Do you guys think Resiliency may help?

lol.
I was over this long ago, not soon after my last post on here i met a great girl and had a short fling with her which reframed alot of things in my mind.
Alot of reframing before doing anything with that girl also helped me realise a few things in that relationship with the ex-fiance.

Basically i was holding on not to her or the feeling of love, but to the idea of having someone. I guess that mainly stemmed from lack of self-esteem and self-respect. Also a doubt that i could get another girl who at the time i thought was quite wonderful. Reality is quite the contrary. Changing myself and hiding my desires shouldn't have been a requirement to having a relationship with her.

The thing that really helped was taking time off to find ME again. Discovering what my needs and wants were, what I desired and what makes me happy

Now i am dating a few girls and things are going pretty good. Flashback memories from time to time but they aren't bad

Advice i would give to anyone thinking of getting over their ex would be to focus on things from a 3rd person perspective and to realise that a relationship with anyone isn't about filling part of you, but adding onto what you already have.

G

I think Resiliency will help you thriving on the way to get your problem solvedm so you get the best out of it. The way to the solution will be easier.