Okay, I know I'm coming to this party late, but I think I have something to contribute here.
Affirmations and whatnot are fine, but face it, they aren't what turn women on. Grant hit the nail on the head when he said to surprise her, stun her. Women are attracted to confidence and humor and playful arrogance. PLAYFUL arrogance. They like to be teased. Drop the "nice guy" routine, but without being a jerk. A cocky, playful arrogance pushes their buttons in a way that sets a guy apart from all the needy boys looking for "a relationship." Most women find needy men ikcy (just as most men don't want a needy woman to glom on to them).
Simply being able to say "No" to a woman works wonders you wouldn't believe. Don't be at her beck and call. Don't assume the roll of "girlfriend," listening to stories about past relationships, family troubles, and so on. Don't buy flowers, presents. All that can come later, but not if you want to elicit attraction. This doesn't mean be a jerk. It means be a man...date other women. Let her know you're dating other women, that you have a life. Pursue your hobbies (women are weirdly turned on by guys who are passionate about their interests--if you're an avid gun, knife, and shrunken-head collector, though, you might want to keep that on the low-down!). Be busy with your life, in other words.
Don't let her (or other women) grill you, especially about other dating scenarios. Women will test men, probably unconsciously in most cases, to see if they can control them, and even if they LIKE getting guys to do what they want, they are rarely attracted to them. They are attracted to the man with testicularity enough to say, "No." It sends the signal: "Dominant male."
And, again, tease her. If, for instance, she innocently touches you, say something like(with that playful cockiness), "Hey, women PAY to touch me. You'll have to get in line if you want to do that again!" A woman might APPEAR shocked at such a remark, but you've surprised her, made her feel something she didn't expect to feel. And if you can get a woman to feel something--anything so long as it isn't fear, anger, or humiliation--you have a powerful tool at your disposal. This stuff really works, and works with women you don't even know.
Keep phone calls short. End them at their peak--a few minutes, tops. Make yourself less available to her. See her once, maybe twice a week, tops, and during these meetings, keep being cocky. If you aren't naturally funny, learn to be. Treat her like a bratty little sister; tease her about her shoes ("Do you work in a circus, or what? Look at those things!"). DON'T tease her about her body ("Geez, where do you get your clothes, Omar the Tentmaker?").
This stuff sounds counter-intuitive, but there's a reason why so many women fall for jerks, for bad boys--it's because those jerks ALSO possess the sort of cockiness that denotes self-possession and strength. You need to reveal that self-possession without being a jerk. People naturally try to assume control in situations, but woman are generally attracted to the man who keeps control. So keep control; don't yield power.
And if a woman flakes on you--stands you up or cancels a date at the last minute--go ahead, give her another chance, but let her know you don't tolerate that kind of behavior. You don't do it to other people, and you expect them to treat you in kind--say something like, "Are you actually going to make it this time, or are you going to flake again? You've already used up your one-free-flake pass...no more chances." Even call her the day before the date to make sure she's going to make it: "If you might not, I want to know so I can make other plans."
It sounds manipulative, but it's really not. It's just conducting yourself like a man, a playful funny guy with things to do and places to go. If you aren't naturally like this, it is certainly a skill that can be developed. Practice it on strangers--women at the gym ("Oh come on, you can use more weight than that!")...make eye contact for a second or two longer than necessary (but not spooky-long; you don't want to come off as a glowering stalker); check-out girls ("Hey, how are you today?" When she says, "Fine, you?" you say, "Oh, superior," and smile).
UniqueSoul wrote:
<< I said that, I saw no reasons why we could not spend the rest of our lives seeing each other every morning and enjoying life together like during the week we had just had.>>
This is NOT playfully arrogant! Neither is spending a week at her beck and call with her nephew! STOP THAT! And it is obvious that whatever she feels for you, it isn't the sort of sexual attraction that leads to romantic relationships. I seriously doubt she is in love with you, as you suggest. She clearly regarded you as a friend, and nothing more, or she would have allowed more to develop...EVERYONE over probably the age of 20 has some sort of emotional baggage, and everyone has had a relationship go sour. She certainly isn't unique, and it really isn't her "fault" if she doesn't feel that attraction. We don't really control whom we are and aren't attracted to. You job, as a man in a world of available women, is to *elicit* that feeling of attraction. You DON'T want to come across as the Nice Guy a mother would want her daughter to marry. Period. You can still be a good guy without coming across as a "Nice Guy," and there IS a difference.
And my God...talking about spending your lives together when you haven't even kissed her...this is the kiss of death. She doesn't hear, "Hey, I think you're great. I have a lot of fun with you and am willing to let you share more of my life" (which is a statement--too blunt to use as-is, by the way--that lets her know you are keeping control but open to sharing a little more of your valuable self with her). What she hears is: "I am needy." Even if you aren't.
<< I did phone her one day to say thank-you for being nice to me.>>
And what she heard was: "I am needy doormat. Thank you for throwing wretched me some crumbs." This isn't you, so STOP WITH THE SUPPLICATIONS.
<< However, I must work on myself to become "irresistible" to her, as this is the only way I can weaken her resistance.>>
You aren't going to become irresistable to women if you keep calling them to thank them for being nice to you! This isn't anywhere near the neighborhood of irresistable. It's not even on the same continent. You become irresistable by projecting what a New Ager might call "masculine energy," and others might call charisma. Some guys have it naturally; many of us don't, but can cultivate it. Cockiness, humor, playfulness, confidence, self-possession, independence--these are manifestations of "masculine energy." Following a woman around like a puppy-dog is not.
I've been there; I know. When I was young (I'm in my early 40's now), I never understood why such-and-such a woman wasn't responding to me the way I wanted. I was SUCH a Nice Guy! I helped them move, bought them things, listened to their relationship woes, at least for the women I REALLY liked, really wanted. And did they appreciate it? Well, yeah, sure, but it didn't elicit attraction. At some point I realized that what women were responding MOST to was me being cocky and funny...and keeping that up, even after intimacies, until they slipped into relationship mode. And this stuff still works, even on women 20 years younger than I am. I am a man of modest income, and although I am in decent shape, I have only slightly-above-average looks. I am an extreme--and I mean extreme--introvert. I need a LOT of time alone, to pursue my own interests (reading, drawing, music, gardening, shrunken-head collecting [okay, that last one was a joke]...). If this stuff works for me, it can work for anyone.
It might well be too late to turn this friendship into the sort of relationship you want it to be. It seems that once a woman (or man) has you categorized, it's hard to change her mind about that. Try at the next office party (or choose-your-social-setting) to walk past her on your way back to your group of friends from the bar or snack table or whatever, stop briefly, chat a little (being playfully arrogant of course), then say something like, "Well, the guys are waiting for their drinks. Catch you later." Keep up this sort of friendly aloofness until she contacts you, if that happy day ever comes. Then carry on with the funny-arrogance stuff.
These principles--if you can call them that--work with men and women of any age. I've been through the Nice Guy routine--calling, gifts, dinners--and it simply doesn't work. Trust me on this.
[This message has been edited by jl3goat (edited June 19, 2005).]
