The first book I ever read on anything about manifesting was a book by John Kehoe called mind power. That was the first book to take me into another reallity, where I learned I have creation abilities. It was so exciting. I felt so worry free knowing I could create whatever I wanted in life.
I experienced fantastic results the first year. It was unreal. Mostly small things from a woman I liked to small items I wanted. I could remember each time I would see that woman, I would live as though we were together, but the excitement of learning the new techniques made them fun to practice. I never even thought about the outcome. Well, one day she had her friend come up to me and ask me out. At first, I didn't really know her name. I told her she should come and say hi, so I could meet her. When she walked up to me, and I saw it was the woman I like. It blew my mind. I wanted to scream like winning the lottery. I tried to keep my composure but I was experiencing something that was so unreal.
Well, maybe I got overconfident. I expected everything I applied visualizing/mindpower to work, and when It didn't it started creating a conflict in my mind. It wasn't the careless visualizing it had once been, now my sessions were tainted with worry. Worry about different things. Well I over came a lot of it and got back to visualizing as I once did like a fascinated kid.
For years now I haven't experienced any real success. I read into things too much thinking it was a syncronicity of my manifestation, and ended up dating a girl that was totally wrong for me, and buying a new car which at current income was on the verge of too much. I was offered a job that seemed promising. The way they sold it to me, was if all I had to do was show up. LOL, I did show up and they decided to give me the run around, "oh, come back we should have when you can start tomarrow." Tomarrow ended up being tomarrow, end up being tomarrow. If that makes any sense. Well, the point I am trying to make is I lived in my mind like I had that income already and unfearfully took on that expense of the car, and got into arguments with my family about, "Oh, you'll see, I am a powerfull manifestor." Well, I didn't actually say that, but I felt it. I felt I was in control of my life, and reality has been hitting me in the face.
Now I have just about read everything out there about using your mind to create the life you want, but what do you do when doing everything that certain people have used to guarantee success and its not working for you? It has made me feel these people live in a different world with different laws of physics.
I would love to get financially on track. I a clearly defined where I want to be, and take daily steps to get there. My family, God love them, thinks I am crazy. I have went against the grain so to speak, and have not taken the traditional college for 4 years, get a house, get a wife, get a white picket fence. I am a waiter at a really nice restruant that has a longterm goal of being self-employed. Well, the money isn't showing. And the bills arent' going away, and the loved ones in my life are really making things harder for me. I preach the techniques I learned to them sometimes when I see it would benefit them. They don't take me serious, I think they would If I was on my to wealth. That would be great.
I really deep down believe college is a hoax. That I could invest all that time and money, and still not get a job that will lead me to financial independence, and that while putting dollars in the owners pocket, I will be putting pennies in mine. That just seems like modern day slavery to me. Thats crazy. Anyway, I would really like to get this area of my life handeled but all the stuff I have learned from those that teach it, isn't working for me. I have tried everything, I do mean everything.
There is one problem when I visualize wealth, I can't see it. I just feel it. I come from poverty, Ihave no idea what i would be like to not have to struggle for money. I try to imagine it, just works better when I feel like I am where I want to be. But nothing is working. I am desperate, I don't want to have to struggle for money no more, but more importantly I want to be that leader in my families life, that accomplishes the unimaginable. Please help.