Hello!
I dont know where to begin from. Well, I hate myself. Hate myself because I have so many lacks!!! I am scared of life and of people...I have no friends. I go to my job and I come back home. This happens everyday!.
My colleges at work disregard me and pay no attention at me! As if I dont exist. I understand them. Who would want to look at the girl who is so timid and always silent.
I tried to cope with this problem for many times, but is so difficult. Something inside myself wont let me do it. It is like a chain and big burden. I want to drop it...Why is it so difficult!!! Even my boss, who once was so affectionate to me, doesnt see me now . Why do I complain?! I hate complaining!!! But I cant stand it any more..it makes me feel worse. My sister says I am exagerrating,..but is not. I meditated over it but the problem is not solved!!! May be that is because of I just recently started practicing this method, dont know.
Even now writing this letter i am trembling and scared..."Oh my God people may think i so stupid"...Please help me with your advice.
I want to change ,mysef i dotn want to have these lacks this inconfidence...what should i do?

Direct response that comes to my mind is FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY. Years ago I was tremling while standing in front of people, speaking with people. But I did it anyway. Then START USING DECLARATIONS/AFFIRMATIONS/INCANTATIONS, for example: I can feel the fear, BUT I WILL DO IT ANYWAY!! Stand tall when you do this, look slightly upwards and image that you are pulled to the air from your chest. This will accelerate your progress. Do this everyday, for example right away when you wake up. Then USE THE PARALIMINALS, for example New History Generator to learn from each day and for changing your perspection of the past. DO IT! And use the AFL program, it will help you create new life. Feeling excercise and Know Your Truth Paraliminal is my most used one's.

[This message has been edited by Eric_G (edited November 25, 2004).]

For a few times I made such attempts but they were so unsuccessful...I tried to make myself speak and behave as other people do but when I said something it was of no use and seemed so stupid and silly that I then regreted. Eric_G, may be this doesnt come instantly and needs some time as I use it.
I think all I say sound stupid and uninteresting. But I think you are right I must do this as often as I can!...and I hope that I will get rid of it. But it is so difficult.

Don't give up. Use the Natural Brilliance model. Release, Notice, Respond and Witness. It's not something you do just once. You need to constantly adjust, making little changes not necessarily the big ones.

Things like Smile and say hi first don't wait for others. Look them in the eye. Start small. When they say something nice about you just say, 'thank you' nothing more, nothing less.

This is the hardest thing to do but stop looking for what is wrong. Sure we need to make adjustments when we notice things are going wrong but we need to be greatful for things that are right.

Find 3 things to be thankful for every morning and every night.

Most of all do the Feeling Exercise. Especially when you think everything is wrong. Do the Inquiry Process, is it really true to is your thinking creating the pain and frustration you are feeling right now?

Whenever you are frustrated by "things", angry hurt or upset you are thinking of some past or future event, you're never really in the now when you suffer like that. The problem with staying stuck in past or future thinking about what is not right for you it creates the future that you will get. What the mind focuses on you get more of. If you manage to really get into the now moment you will find more often than not there is cause for calm, There is room to feel joy, there is the time to think kind thoughts about someone and yourself. And the more you focus on in the now the more you will experience in the future.

So do the Inquiry Process, Do the Feeling Execise and take time to notice that right now in this now moment it is possible to hold a sense of inner calm and joy. Then you keep moving like a bee collecting honey notice the next split second when you have the moment of calm, joy. Looking for and noticing that faint light at the end of the tunnel can lift you out of depression, anger, fear.

Alex

Think about how many times you have beaten your self with words like "I am unsuccessful", "It's so difficult", "everything I say is so stupid", "everything I say is so silly", I should never open my mouth", all I say sounds stupid and uninteresting", etc.... 2 times, 100 times, 10000 times, 1000000 times. Each time you generate these kind of sentences, they become more stronger. So don't expect that you would change right away, but DEDICATE YOUR LIFE, EACH AND EVERYDAY AND EVERY MOMENT for changing your thinking. In order to change your outer world, you must first change your inner world. THEN THE MAGIC HAPPENS! By using the feeling exercise you help your self to LOVE YOUR SELF. When you think negative about your self, INTERRUPT THE PATTERN by doing something silly like pushing your fingers into your nose. Say your self that this thought is TOTAL BULL ****. And that the TRUTH is that I am lovable and wonderful human being. You must first think like this your self AND THEN people will start to LOVE YOU! Meanwhile, people who are familiar for example with the AFL program can help you. Because these special persons can see that you are not your thoughts, you are not your feelings and that you are not your behaviours either. These are just layers that are covering your true self. So eventually; YOU WILL BECOME YOU Or let's say that every time you believe in something positive or negative, you are always right. Because we become what we think, what we focus on... You can CHOOSE DIFFERENTLY! Changing your internal "language", you will change your whole life to much better. You can become a person who is loves her self and others. You can become free form the past limitations of worry and hesitation. Treat your self well, CONCRATULATE YOUR SELF on making the decision to change!

Dinara5.85
This is a 27 pages free eBook which i think will help you. http://www.guaranteedsuccessthinking.com

Good luck
AMS.

Even if I am afraid I should practice it?...and pay no attention at people's reaction what they may think about me?...because I am what I am and these fears are just external layers...Yes I must really think over it. Make self-inquery and stop hating myself because my thooughts of my self are doing what I am now...It is really difficult to cope with the fear. I know I shouldnt say "Difficult" ; I must erase these words!!! and get rid of the thoughts these thoughts and it is not difficult! You cant even imagine how important these advices are!!! So important to me. I really want to change because it is unbearable to live in this prison any more. How much time it will take?...and will this change people's attitude to me?...
and AMS thanks a lot for the book I will read it.

Don't force yourself to erase negative thoughts... that is impossible. Instead do the inquiry on them and turn them around. By accepting the message that you are afraid, that you think it is difficult you can take to opportunity to have a look... is it really that difficult? Instead of using energy to battle hiding these fears and thoughts acknowledge them, embrace the for the message that they have and let them be stepping stones towards your growth.

Alex

This is a good forum, I have seen many helpful posts here.

Dinara5.85,your problem is from the lack of will power and determination. You must undersand that you created your present condition. You may not agree with me, but this is true. Your present condition is created by your past thoughts and feelings. Every thought has its own energetic vibational frequency, and through the law of attraction, it will bring back to you the very thing that matches its frequency. Everything that you are experiencing is attracted by your past thoughts.

The only way to change your current condition is to change your thoughts. You have absolute control about it. You can change it at this very moment. The way to change is to decide to change. It is as simple as that.

You must believe that you have the power within you to create anything you desire in your life. Don't let your current condition to fool you, you are not your condition, you simply created it. It is the effect of your past thinkings. In order to change the effect, you must change the cause, which is your thought. And you can change it instantly by decide to change it NOW, not in the past, not in the future, but in the present moment NOW, because Now is the only moment you can execute your power.

Get rid of any doubt, focus on your desire, through the law of attraction, you will attract the very thing that you are focusing on. The law of attraction works perfectly, just like the law of gravity, it never fails. Trust yourself, and trust the law of attraction, focus on your desire, the universe will take care of all the details.

In short, the only thing you need to do is to constantly focus on your desire, focus on it all the time.

I wish this will help you somehow. All the best to you.

Sincerely
song chengxiang

Today I have made my one this attempts as I read in forum your advices over and over again trying to permeate all the information. In the mornining I said "hi!" to my boss (i tried to do it with more confidence and smiled) and it really worked! Though may be his face only changed a bit but I have noticed it!..I try to behave myself confident and think that the results will be good. If everyhting depend on thoughts I am working on to change them. Replace negative to positive. It is really a scary thing to look into the eyes of my fears and not to banish them away...But you are right this is may be difficult but useful! Thank you very much!!! Thank you!!!!!

Dinara!

Awesome!

Best,
Richard

Dinara,

For interpersonal changes I would defintely try the Anxiety Free, Self Esteem Supercharger and Relationships paraliminals. You will be amazed at the magic these tapes can do!

Wish you the very best.

Dear, friends
You have mentioned so many unknown to me programs like Anxiety Free, Self Esteem Supercharger,PARALIMINALS, Natural Brilliance model and etc. Unfortunately I dont know where to purchase them. In Kazakhstan books about this method came only in 1999 or 2000. I have searched these tapes in the supermarkets but there are no such tapes at all...Are books also so useful like tapes?...

Dinara,

Unfortunately the only LearningStrategies books I know of are on Natural Brilliance and Photoreading. The tapes are unique in that by listening to them, you are activating both the left and right hemispheres of the brain, and a lot of the changes are effortless.

You could try ordering them from LSC, except I am not sure how expensive it would be to ship them to Kazakastan...

Maybe there is someone else on the forum who has suggestions on how you can get these tapes...

Paraliminals CDs will be available as of January 2005. Lighter on shipping cost.

Right now I suggest you keep doing what you are doing. Small steps. I know we all want to succeed "now' but we forget we have to learn to handle it along the way if we want to keep the change. Keep noticing those steps in the right direction no matter how small.

If you want a tool that is useful in general look at EFT http://www.emofree.com/

Alex

do look into the self
i did and a i realised that self was an illusion but the forces apon it were not as bad as i had made out
i know things feel bad but they are not
the only escape from our suffering is not one of escaping but of realising and watching it
but without concepts or objects or thinking or judging
but all these things are usefull but the silence must be there to fall back on
we live in a mode of thinking and thinkinbg we are the thing that thinks
i says "i feel cold"
"i feel happy"
"i feel angry"
"you make me angry"
"i am here or there"
"i want to kill myself"

like it is an external thing
we already percieve ourselves as seperate why not seperateness within ourselves

that is the source of our pain
not being who we are
i think freedom of choice and expression education and religion are the biggest challenges today but some of the most important

we can see it in the fear and doubt

Dinara5.85 i hope you are feeling better
while in this mess why can we not all find some peace
it is there inside
not somewhere else
well its everywhere
some would say somewhere else also but only if you do not see that all is one

infinity within one

its so simple
we are all responsible for ourselves
i do not hope i know you will go ok
work is a chore
better than a bore if you ask me haha

Maybe you don't need to change anything about yourself at all?

I can understand your fears, I think we've all have them to some extent and in some way or another.

There are some times when I am very brave and outgoing, and other times when I just clam up and want to die.

You might find at the end of all these problems that you didn't really need to change anything about yourself at all. You'll come to accept and feel comfortable and at home inside yourself and things will be a lot easier for you.

Don't feel bad about being shy. For some people, shyness is very attractive. Personally, I have always been more curious about the shy people around me than the outgoing ones. There's so much you can learn about a shy person. And when a shy person accepts you as a friend and feels comfort around you, you know you've earned it and it's a really valuable, intimate connection.

I think that because shy people keep themselves hidden, to an extent, there is something that happens in that secret inner garden where parts of the soul ripen ... and when you find out what the person has been hiding all along you realize that its a very interesting treasure.

I know that shy chicks turn me on, so ... there are probably people around you who are very curious about you, but maybe they don't want to seem intrusive, or take a lack of responsiveness as a lack of interest?

Other people are often just as scared as you in their own ways. Take it easy on yourself, and if you can stand it, be a little more adventurous and take a few more risks.

Look at the people around you and notice what they are afraid of, notice how they take risks and how they decide when not to try. You'll find that you're more like the people around you than you think.

What does changing your life mean to you? If a miracle happened over night, and all the changes took place, and you did not know that the changes have occurred...what would the first sign of that change look like.

NeoZon I like your question...It makes me think more deeply about this. First of all I want to change myself. My inner world which is full of fears, worries and inconfidence. I want stop being afraid of everything of people of the life, afraid of myself. I want to learn how to be confident and sure like most of other people. I want to be joy in the company and have fun like others than to be so unsociable and reserved..silent and boring!...I know this is just the layers that covering my self as Eric_G has said. To let my true self to be realised in the life. and I dont want to acknowledge that I am shy! Of course I understand this point but I am not shy and this is not me...I think I am different from this...This is not me...because I dont want to be it.

You got it Now, please write a love letter for your self. Listen to some nice music and relax, take couple of deep breaths and pick up the pen and paper. Think about your self in a moment where you have already achieved all that you ever dreamed about. Feel the appreciation towards your self and write down you thoughts and and feelings about your self. Do this for 10 or 15 minutes. Congratilate your self for achievening all your dreams, then seal letter and add your own address and stamp. Give this leter for your dearest friend and ask him or her to post if after 6 months. You don't need to explain what is in the letter, but please let them know that this is very important for you and that he or she will be doing big and important favor for you. Then forget the letter, let it go, but keep the warm feeling in your heart. Have a Wonderful Life

Hi Dinara5.85,

How are things going for you? I hope you're seeing progress and feeling better about yourself!

Since the paraliminal CDs aren't available yet, I'd like to recommend a couple of tapes/CDs from Innertalk.com: "Ending Self Destructive Patterns" and "Stop Self Sabotage."

"Ending Self Destructive Patterns" is a subliminal tape/CD that helps you get out of your own way.

"Stop Self Sabotage is a two tape/CDs set that has a subliminal tape/CD which contains (I've been told) the same script as "Ending Self Destructive Patterns" and a headphones-only "Power" tape/CD with special coaching and relaxation.

Why am I recommending these two tapes? Because I hated myself. I felt nobody could really like me; if someone was nice to me it was an act, sympathy, or they wanted something from me. I would tell myself that wasn't true, try to step outside that mindset, and for years had been in a pattern that vacillated between "Here I Am!" and "i'll go hide now..."

I purchased Stop Self Sabotage (but I mainly use the subliminal tape) because I wanted to stop getting in my own way with things like weight loss. Well... I've got a ways to go there, but imagine my surprise when I started seeing myself as an OK person! I gradually stopped reading dislike into every twitch and gesture people made. I could talk to people and realize that some people really did enjoy talking to me. I can accept that I am a decent person who has qualities to offer other people and has just as much right to be here as anyone else.

It's been three years since I started listening to that tape. (It took close to a year before I could confidently say, "I've REALLY changed.") I've become a much more outgoing person, have made some real friends, and like myself much more. And I still listen to my subliminal tape every day-- I figure that I have a lot of negative crap to slowly undo.

Anyway, if you're interested, check out Innertalk.com for all your brainwashing needs.

~ Pam

[This message has been edited by benewme (edited December 16, 2004).]

Hi Dinara,

I've enjoyed reading every post here. So many people really care about one another and want to help. I would like to offer something to help you move forward in this quest as well.

I think that although everyone has gotten messages from others as we grew and matured, some of those messages were just simply not true. For instance, no one is truly stupid. Everyone from time to time has something profound and wise and lovely to say to those who can hear it. Sometimes our sense of timing is a little off and we miss our opportunity of the moment.

You know, there is probably someone in your world, in your sphere of influence, who looks to you for leadership. You KNOW what it is to provide a right example. You have seen others be just that. Its your turn now. Be patient. Trust the part of you that knows what is right and true. Practice calmness. In the right way, at the right time, the next step will reveal itself. Patience with yourself and with others seems to be the key.

You'll be in my thoughts
>>>>>WhiteMagnolia

Hi Dinara 5.85 I just read all this and my heart went out to you, you have so much love and humanity in you it is not necessary to be like "most" people or "others" in fact if you were I doubt this many people would have been touched enough by you to take the time to express their feelings in the hopes it would enable you to do what you must do for you just be who you are you are BRAVE and INTELLIGENT and anyone in your circle is blessed to be there how many people have the INNER STRENGTH to post their fears and insecurities online anyone who knows you is lucky as you are a flower preparing to bloom and live your life YOUR WAY and when you are I am sure others will find you that you can help with all you have learned from the years of living in fear the only thing that cures fear of course as you have obviously mastered is ACTION. Congratulations on finding your gifts and thank you for sharing them for others to learn from.

Hello,

Here is a simple statement you can make to yourself whenever you experience some thing or some feeling that you don't want. It truly works if you are persistant and trust in it. Just say: "This too shall pass". Then put the feeling out of your mind and go on to your next activity.

Pretty soon, you will notice that what used to bother you, no longer does. Always look for the best in every person, event and every situation...it IS there. So far, you may not have been looking for and expecting the best, but instead, may have been expecting only the worst, the most painful. And guess what you got?

Someone else here has said in other words, put your energy into what you want, not what you don't want. Use your WILL power, not your won't power.

You are a worthy person and deserve the best and pay no attention to your inner talk that says you can't have what you want. Just keep repeating "This too shall pass". Breathe deeply.

Be calm and realize the universe wants you to be loved and loving. Nothing less will do! You are taking steps to ensure you get a lot more out of life. Good for you!

Love and hugs,

amacd

Hi Dinara,

Are you still reading the forum? It has been almost 6 months since your last post. I'm just wondering how you are doing? Hope to hear from you.