I have come to learn that I have a deep seeded loneliness...as I've posted in the past no matter what goal I've wanted to accomplish of area that I want to improve in I cant seem to get past a certain stage. Now there are possibly more issues than just loneliness that I'm not aware of yet. However thru some professional help I've come to learn that this is at least a good base and place to start.

I've listened to N.History A as a starting point. Any other suggestions?

Dan

Hi Dan,

You might want to join my thread at Beyond Human. I think we could have a good discussion on this topic. I am relating to you for sure. Anyhow, I have found that I am lacking in 'close' relationships and that is what is blocking me... Unfortunately, when I am aware of this it pulls me deeper into it... So if you want to join me I have a suggestion that is different from PL's... I have to apply it myself cause I need action!

take care,... Scooter~

I used to have very deep loneliness and I guess I could say that residues are still there, but what helped me the most was "loving kindness" meditation and then later "higher self" meditation. It helped to open my heart and love, even to my loneliness and to let myself heal.

I can certainly relate to you because I have practically no family left, am single and have never been married. I am in bitter and protracted dispute with my place of employment, so you can get the picture.

One aspect, which almost everybody has, is a number of grievances generate in the past. I believe that Fred Luskin in his book "Forgive for Good" is an excellent start to understand grievances and how overcome it.

I think the New History Generator is a good start. You can also get benefits from Anxiety Free, New Option Generator, etc

Look at Happy for No Reason to be used with the book of the same name. If you are happy, you can't feel lonely since you accept what life offers you and be content with it.

The best loneliness (and depression) fighter I know is give to others. You cannot receive what you cannot give. Every time I've been in that spot, the only way I got out of it was by volunteering in some way--I've worked in soup kitchens, helped out with relief agencies, and just helped out where I could. Most newspapers list agencies that need volunteers, and usually they are so glad to have ANY help that they'll be very flexible with your schedule no matter what it is.

Think you're too tired at the end of your day to do more? Think again. Here's another bonus--I always have lots more energy when I do this!

There is nothing more rewarding, and there is nothing in the entire universe that can make you more aware of your many blessings than to work with those lots less fortunate than you.

I agree with you Jeanne, many times in my life when I have asked how I can help myself the answer I have always found has been in service for others. In finding ways to truly serve and help others I have always found that I've been serving the deepest part of myself.

hi Dan the man....

here is what was posted on my thread (patterns) on the beyond human forum written by PAULHOUSE (Paul hope you don't mind me moving your post over here!) oops! too late!


"""Interesting that this is the first thread I chose to explore. I think I shall pontificate a bit and hopefully help out a little.
We are all on a quest of one sort or another, financially, emotionally, spiritually... actually they are all connected
Scooter....
Life never hands you anything you are not capable of dealing with. Most times the dealing involves a lesson to be learned in order to become closer to your own divinity, your own expression of Truth. Most people make the error of always reaching, always asking, always seeking, without ever taking a moment to simply stop and listen. When you ask the question, the answer is there, but you have to learn to listen for it. It's quiet, see, and it doesn't shout above the louder voices vying for your attention. When you ask the questions, you are essentially reaching "upward" to your personal "source" for answers. When you stretch "upward", grasp what you see "up there" and bring it back, integrate IT into your life, your body, your mind. Usually feeling like no one loves you is a sign that you are not simply accepting Love as an energy unto itself. As soon as you accept Love, it will start to fill you and you will exchange love with all things. Damn I sound like a quack right now.
In relationships, cast your lines out, you'll get a bite. Then take a look at what has bitten, make sure you get something nutritious and not a shark or predator that is going to consume you. There's the tuffy. """

I have to say Paul has got a good point here... when you are filled with that "love energy" inside you, the love is there all around you. Anyhow his comments were so on topic with your thread Dan. Divine timing....!~~

Cheerio~ scoots*

Hi Dan,
I used to be lonely at a football game with 80,000 people around me. The thing is that I also hated to be by myself so I would hang out with people all the time to not feel so lonely. After lots of exploring I found that my lonelyness and my hating to be by myself was due to the fact that when I was alone I was with me and I didn't really like me and when I was around people I didn't think I had anything good to share. The key for me was to discover the fact that I am a good person and have alot to share. I began to learn how to love myself. One of the things that I do every morning is when I look into mirror I greet myself with a big smile and tell myself to have a great day, after all I do see myself every day so I want to be sure I start my day in a positive way. I know it sounds weird but it works. If you do this be really happy to see yourself the more you express yourself the better it works.
Open your heart and look inside many of the answers you seek are there. The more you love yourself the more you can love others.

WOW...I'd like to start out by thanking everyone who has responded to this post!! I am going to read and re-read everything in here again. Do my best to apply what everyone has written about...you all have a wealth of knowledge for the taking!!

I'll keep you updated. I'd also like to know how everyone has/is progressing in this area of life.

Thanks again,
Dan

I like this post thank you. Especially the last line, it's a good analogy that really clears things up for me in the moment. :-)

ya, this is a great thread and I also would like to hear how everyone is doing along this line...

I can't find those two meditations here, would you mind pointing me in the right direction? Thanks

These comments on loneliness are uplifting.

I wrote an article to my local newspaper regarding loneliness.

I'd like to share with you.

It's entitled: "5 Steps To Overcome Loneliness"
Press Release
5 Steps To Overcome Loneliness
Kevin Hensey

Let me ask you a personal question. Have you ever felt alone?

Sometimes, it seems like the earth is a weird place to be in. You find yourself in the midst of the city with representatives of humanity around you. Yet, despite a life surrounded by people, you have this gnawing sense of emptiness and realize you are actually alone.

Suddenly, you are shaken to your core with the realization of being alone and lonely. Emptiness looms within you at that particular moment. The enormous number of people milling all around you presents a stark contrast to the barren feeling you have within.

Snap yourself out of this! Why go through loneliness when something can be done to overcome the gloomy feeling?

Overcome loneliness by knowing its origins. Loneliness brings deep emotional pain; and if you are experiencing this intermittently, you have to take steps to correct it. Perhaps the following words will help you unearth the root of loneliness and address it effectively.

Admission

This is the first step in overcoming loneliness. Covering up, disguising, or denying just to make it appear as though it is not affecting you will only aggravate the situation. It is okay to admit that loneliness has taken over your life, but you must resolve to eliminate it by all positive means.

Choice

Perhaps you are lonely because you choose to be. Life offers us choices, including the choice to be happy or lonely. It is possible that you are dispirited because of your lifestyle. Reexamine repetitive and daily activities.

Change routine activities that cause boredom and loneliness. Sitting alone in one corner of your study room doing nothing may seem harmless. You may be looking for some peace or quiet moment. What makes this simple activity precarious is when your idle mind starts wondering about gloomy thoughts.

Change the mood of the room by playing soft music that will still provide the peace and quiet you are looking for, but at the same time, preempt the lonely mood. Let the sun shine in you room. Open those drapes. Uplifting music and a well-illuminated room will help you get out of the rut.

Past experiences
Dwelling on past experiences such as being rejected by others or lack of attention is a possible cause of that downcast spirit. What is done is done, and yesteryears cannot be recalled for correction.

The emotional vacuum created as a result of past experiences can be filled-up by lessons gained from past. If you experienced lack of attention from parents during childhood years, correct this by giving attention to your offspring. In doing this, you strengthen your relationship with them.

As you give affection and attention to others, you will feel valued, as your deeds will surely be appreciated. When you feel needed, loneliness creeps away.

Inactivity
An idle mind breeds loneliness. Keep your life in active mode. Volunteering is a remarkable way to counteract loneliness. Benefits of volunteerism work two ways. You zap away gloom, while you help others. On the other hand, physical activity promotes emotional well being.

Are you still lonely?

Renew your links with the Universal Force. He knows what you want and what you need. By Himself, He is already the solution to your loneliness. You can rely on His promise that He will provide in the right time. He will work through your thoughts and you will find the solution you are seeking for to mend loneliness.

Good advice, and good writing. Thanks for posting it here.

kevin, I haven't read your article yet but with a quick skim it looks very good. Anyhow, my sharing here might change after I read it.....

I was pet sitting recently and the dogs filled a space in my home. Anyhow, I wondered if that void was loneliness or a lacking of some kind or maybe I didn't wonder. Then I got to thinking of my avoidance or lack of acknowledgement of what may actually be lonelinees. Then following thinking about the cute guy at work who is not making a move and the end of a former relationship that has turned into acceptance of what is or was... Anyhow, it is ok to want to be in a close relationship and it might be fun. I have always made the best of things and had a good degree of peacefulness of being so that is why I have also let myself be alone and mostly enjoying it... There may be a time to go into a different life and life style...

Just sharing my story for today on loneliness or not... And it is subject to change on a whim...

....................... scoots~*

Thank you for your comments on my article "5 Steps To Overcome Loneliness".

I've written a new article called,
"Beware Of 7 Attitudes That Lead To Depression".

If you like a copy for yourself just e-mail me. kevinsbeach@gmail.com

How am I doing now…. It’s funny just how much things change when you discover your true self. I am never lonely now and I love the time I spend with myself it gives me time to reflect on this awesome journey we call life! This doesn’t mean that I don’t have my challenges it just means that when they come I’m able to deal with them and turn them into a gift. You see loneliness is not an empty space in side of you but rather a space that is filled with doubt. When you move the doubt out and fill the space with love that empty feeling no longer has a space to fill because that space is now filled with love.
Sorry I got off the question…. I am doing great because I found something that reminds me every single minute of every day that I create my own life and the life I am creating is filled with love, joy, happiness and the ability to share it with others.
I hope I’m not breaking any rules by sharing my website with all of you but it’s what drives me every day of my life and helps to keep me young and happy! Please visit http://www.smileandawaveday.com here you will find one of the ways that I am able to fill that space of doubt with love and at the same time I am in service of others. By helping others to find happiness in their lives I am able to find happiness in mine. In helping others to create a better life for themselves I create a better life of my own.
Whatever it is that you want in your life learn it, then teach others how to create it in their lives and it will be created in yours.

I like your website! Thanks for the link.

A little synchronicity with this thread--not long after the first post, I received an ad from Marci Shimoff stating that happy people tend to earn a LOT more money than unhappy people; then I opened a magazine while waiting in the checkout line, and there was another article quoting research that unhappy people are generally less healthy.

So my hope for all here who are depressed is that you find your own happiness, so that you can be not only healthy, but wealthy too!

Just one more suggestion to add to the mix--maybe you can give the Happy For No Reason cd (and now an entire course, too) a chance. Add some work with your radiant circuits (google Donna Eden for some of her books and cds on how to do that), consider working with Spring Forest QiGong, and finally, maybe you can check for food allergies as sometimes these are the culprits.

Its been eating me up to reply for the last week so here I go.
I was in the same situation as most of you regarding loneliness.I made a complete 180 degree turn around,my natural temperament I was born with even changed. I am going to break it down what did to come out.
1.I made the decision I was going to change nomatter what
nomatter how long it would take.
2.I detached myself from almost everything and everybody that
was holding me back.(basically I got rid all the negative
people)
3.Took responsibility for my life.
4.Quit looking back on the past and focused on where I wanted
to go.
5.I took personality and assessment tests honestly and found my
weak areas I needed work on,then I mindmapped these areas gave
them a bar graph ranged them from 1 to 10.After I rated
myself I made goals to increase my weakest areas little by
little.
6.Then I concentrated on one breakthrough goal or area of my life
everything fell in place,For Ex. I would get the urge to go to
book store then BAM!!! a book would jump out at me. Ex. I would
be watching T.V. then BAM!!! something the Commercial or Actor
would do or say would jump out at me. Ex. I would be in the
store or working then BAM!!! some unknown person I never met
would start talking to me about my issue then teach me
something I needed. Ex.I would be sound asleep then BAM!!! I
would wake up wide awake to a Preacher on T.V. giving me a
exact message I needed. I stopped looking for divine
inspiration to come from a certain area or place,because
it comes from everywhere at anytime for me.
7.Now I am running on Autopilot like I have a GPS system I just
let it lead the way and drive car. Speaking of GPS me and my wife
where coming back from Vacation all of a sudden your GPS
started taking use on backroads on the way home,I thought it
was misleading use so I minamized the map so I could see the
big picture,I noticed it was leading us around altanta instead
through Altanta, I was wondering why then on the radio they
were talking about a big wreck that had all the lanes blocked
off,so the GPS changed paths to avoid the back-up traffic.
8.My GPS in my head did this extact same thing plenty of times,
we all have one build in I pretty sure you think back I tell
me a story where you avoided a disaster by listening to your
gut or where you did something unexpected in ended up in the
right place at the right time.

I wrote an article for the local newspaper for Sunday. It's called:

"10 Helpful Tips to Improve Your Self-Esteem"
Kevin Hensey

Perhaps one of the most important questions in your mind is how to improve your self-esteem.

It makes no difference whether you pursue it actively or unconsciously, what matters is the effort to work on improving your self-esteem. However, the problem lies on where you want to begin. Seemingly, you are working on the outside indicators.

Here are ten tips on how you can improve your self-esteem:

1. Increase your self-esteem. Try to come up with a list. What aspects of your self do you really want to change? Work on one aspect at a time. Find out how you are doing before proceeding to another aspect.

2. Be optimistic. Do not think negatively about where you are right now. Always project self-confidence in where you might end up in the coming days.

3. Set concrete goals in all your dealings. Write your goals and desires. Consider how people you will be interacting with can help you accomplish your goals. Afterwards make a decision on how you will deal with each person appropriately. Do this regularly and you will see some changes.

4. Be proactive. Do not wait for things to happen, instead make things happen. Fuel your determination. Let other people know in what aspect they can help you. Success comes to individuals who get down to business.

5. Make each person feel that he is significant. Eventually, you will see amazing results.

6. Expand your social networks. Join social clubs or organizations. In effect, more contacts will be added to your list of friends. Social contacts can give you an assurance that you can depend on others in times of crisis.

7. Learn a sport or hobby. Indulging in sports or hobbies can help improve your self-confidence. Likewise, it can help you maintain good health. Good health leads to a sound body and a healthy mind. A sound body and a healthy mind play a major role in improving your self-esteem.

8. Enroll in self-improvement classes. If your main problem lies in not knowing where to begin, attending classes or seminars on self-improvement can provide you with step by step knowledge on how to improve your self-esteem. If that proves too burdensome to you, you may also read some books on self-esteem. There are also plenty of CDs and tapes focusing on the topic of self-help that you may want to consider.

9. Have a change in atmosphere. If the current environment you are living in causes you to have low self-esteem, consider moving to another location. You may also want to do some changes in your current environment. A change in environment can provide you with several benefits. It can add versatility to your personality and more importantly, it can contribute in changing the way you look at your self.

10. Be contented and happy. Failures and disappointments can result to low self-esteem. When your goals and objectives are not met, chances are you get frustrated and you become negative about your capabilities. Being contented and happy may fuel your determination to succeed. Determination may help in boosting your self-esteem.

Improving self-esteem does not happen in a wink of an eye. It would take a while before you notice some changes happening. The process will go beyond tips and pointers that you read in books or internet. It requires constant practice to see some improvements.
In the end, you will realize that an improved self-esteem will benefit you in all aspects of your life. You will experience change in your relationships with your family, dealings with friends, and more importantly, improvement of yourself.