Hi Everyone,

Is there such a person as a soulmate who is the special ordained (by God) mate for another person? Is this concept of soulmate(a predetermined mate) realistic?

There are some schools of thought which say that freedom of choice is the way to go when it comes to a mate. Other people would say put alot of effort into developing yourself first then naturally the best person for you will be attracted to you. Some say date alot and focus on attraction. Some say follow your ordinary routine and your soulmate's path will cross yours. Also one could think, whatever I do, my soulmate and I, will enter each others lives. Some beliefs are seemingly a bit magical, but I don't know if they're unrealistic. Some say the closer you are to God, and the closer your soulmate is to God the closer you'll be to each other.

How do you know when you've found the right person? Should you just think I'm not looking for love and wait magically for the right one to arrive? Why do people say that way works? I suppose if we took all the magicalness out of it all together then it would be dry? Does the mind create magicalness in relationships and that it has nothing to do with a higher being "blessing" us? Can we purposefully attract our soulmate? Is it something we can by choice effect the result of? Isn't it so that when he/she will arrive they will arrive and not before? How does higher purpose work in with tools like the relationships paraliminal? How much control should we give ourselves in this area?

Please can somebody can give me a little bit of good perspective on this, so I can see how this soulmate stuff works realistically.

Thanks.
g.

[This message has been edited by Grant (edited December 22, 2001).]

From my exprience if you have a very close relationship with God, and your mate has a very close relationship with God, then your relationship with each other will be a lot better.

Hope this helps out a bit.

- P

Hi again,

Thanks for that bit.

Sorry, I better get to the point, sorry for bombarding you with so many questions.

What I want to know is, is the idea that God prepares a special someone for you, realistic, in other words it's not up to you or the powers of attraction say through using the Prosperity Paraliminal, or Relationships Paraliminal, but it's up to God, is that realistic, it's kind of like Determinism.

I know for a fact that some people sincerely believe they have a special connection with one person in there lives that they think is ordained by God. Is that realistic?

Do you think God would cause our relationship to fail if it wasn't with His chosen mate for you? What about free choice?

The school of Free Will puts too much responsibility on me and the school of Determinism takes away my power!!

How does one work out how to function (attract a mate) between the push and pull of these two seemingly opposing forces?

Are they opposites? Can they work together?
How am I supposed to know how my actions and those of God work together. Take for example I want a pineapple but an apple is put right in my way, I can't seem to get a pineapple because seemingly God wants an apple for me, but I don't like apples.

Should I work towards liking an apple more or should I do whatevers in my power to get the pineapple I believe I want? With the feelings that God may not bless my relationship with a pineapple.

Names are replaced with names of fruit to avoid conflict - I'm half-joking.

g.

[This message has been edited by Grant (edited December 24, 2001).]

Great question! I grapple with that one myself. Don't know the answer, but here is one idea...

Assume we manifest our experiences according to all of our beliefs (the ones we really have, consciously and subconsciously).

Therefore, it may be possible to manifest many different relationship "truths." Each experience will seem absolutely true for the person having it. The person who believes that God chooses your best relationship, and who has no conflicting beliefs about self to interfere, will have an experience of God choosing their right mate. The person who believes that they are completely self-determining will experience that. Maybe "God" lets us have any experience we want (believe in). The person who has a combination of beliefs gets a mish-mash of experiences. We decide. Of course, in a relationship the other person decides too.

On the other hand...
perhaps we have a "higher self" who has made some decisions about what it wants to experience in life. We are the vehicle for that experience. Therefore, at any time, our higher self may arrange for a "wild card" experience to enter our lives (something our beliefs did not manifest, but something totally new), or may block certain things from happening. It certainly seems that way to me sometimes.

You can try to create what you want and let the chips fall where they may. If you do not create, you stagnate. If you move forward and create (choose) something, whether it gives you pleasure or pain, you will always learn a lot (about your REAL beliefs) and will be able to cross what you don't want off your list the next time. Refusing to choose is a way to try to avoid "mistakes" and the scary responsibility of free choice (no one to blame, no absolute wrong or right choice). Perhaps you can't mess up or choose wrongly. You can only choose, and then enjoy or not enjoy the experiences that follow. Does it really matter?? We are the creators, not our circumstances or experiences.

Other ideas or experiences??

Check the below site it might be of some help:
http://www.astralvoyage.com/soul_mates.html

John

I feel that their are "soul potentials" instead of soul mates. I feel that the concept of soul mates can be limiting. Could see it possibly puting some folks in a state of waiting instead of actually being at peace with themselves and living life fully. I've discovered that life is the harmonious blend of predetermined rhythm in your body, spirit and in the nature of the infinite universe, the choice to surrender to that rhythm or not, and the additional choice of once being one with that rhythm guiding it in any direction to be and do anything.
So really a soul potential is someone yes that is a blessing from God/Universe. Yet not necessarily a blessing that needs extraneous effort to recieve, its an automatic phenomenon that comes with being at one with yourself and the universe. The interconnection of your true self(the witness of your body) and your true self's inherent connection to God brings all the love, security and peace already there. With that connection being allowed between two surrendered individuals there is boundless depth for spontaneous love. May sound like fluffy but its far from it, its practical and yes you run into many soul potentials when your at natural and one, being-your self. The universe and life is complex like that, not black and white, yet the truest most natural way to approach it all is ultmately effortless, with the act of allowing and having a kind subtracting pure awareness from the inside out.

Pretend that there is no soul.
Pretend that there is no "right" or "wrong" person. And if there were, by which metrics would you measure them?

If you live in the universe where there is no soul and no right or wrong person in a metaphysical sense, then you are left to your own devices and get to make your own choices. Life becomes an experiment and you get to learn.

You don't have to live up to being Mr. or Mrs. Perfect for so-and-so, and you don't torture anyone else by expecting the same for them.

I believe it gets to a point where you either decide you want to spend your life with someone or not. And, of course, there are other choices for the iconoclastic.

According to some, we are not biologically geared towards mating for life. It seems that a close nit group of lovers with whom you maintain relationships while, perhaps, every so often induling in the brief affair outside of these would be ideal. You all support and love each other and give each other the freedom to be who you are and choose as you wish.

That, for me, would be an ideal ... it sure beats affairs and deception, which is the reality for a lot of people.

There are people who mesh very very well, and that's great. But most of the time, I think, people get drunk on their own biochemistry and think things that just aren't true about themselves and others.

Basically, you become intoxicated with someone for around a year or two, then the effect wears off. Hopefully, you realize after that time that you are happily addicted to the other person and spend time enjoying them rather than seeking that initial rush that courtship gives.

Feeling you have to find a soul mate just puts a horribly unnecessary pressure on you and can end up really screwing things up. It also can freak out another person and put unwanted pressure on them.

You might miss out on really fun relationships if all you go for is Mr. or Mrs. Right.

There may be no Mr. or Mrs. Right, only people with varying amounts of chemistry with you.

I agree with a good part of what Babayada says although I would add that maybe looking for that Mythical Soulmate is a very undefined thing.

If you look into society for successful couples and maybe use them as your role model.

I believe that you are looking for a Successful Partnership with someone. The initial attraction is having love and sex with, but it is a long haul committment and you don't spend it all in the bedroom. In fact, unless you really make an effort, love and sex tends to go by the way side.

If you have a good partner you always have a common respect for each other and happiness is in your home.

They say if you have a great relationship, just to hold your partners hand is as good as sex or far better.

If you look for a Partner that you can build a successful relationship with you are off to a good start.

Jeff

Thank you BartonSprings for recalling and replying to my post as well as Gail and Zeus who I should have thanked much earlier and Babayada as well as Jeffdengr, thank you. You have all given me a much more integrated approach rather than the black and white view I had previously.

When you guys put all these ideas in front of me, amazed, I thought, hold on these are ALL true. The problem comes when you see a black or white point of view, as BartonSprings' mentioned, and oscillate like crazy between two opposing ideas, creating unnecessary pressure in relationships and screwing things up because you have to have things work in a certain way, like thinking there is a Mrs. Right like Babayada mentioned. As Babayada said seeing that a person is the wrong person or right person can really narrow life's experience to boring, making life far less fun and less of an explorative learning experience.

I love BartonSprings' idea of "soul potentials" a wonderfully realistic blend of soul and practicality. Even though sometimes we just have to pretend (although not forget completely) that we don't have a soul (also a very wise idea Babayada) and get on with the practical side of living to the full where we are in life right now.

For along time, BartonSprings', I have been rattled with the idea why I was experiencing a possibility that there are more than one possible soul potentials for every person. I was frustrated with the idea because I felt God had one plan for my life and that's it. I now feel that God has many, many possible paths for a person to follow, allowing free choice, and a wonderful melding of His plans with ours. BartonSprings' you have healed my agony at a very sychronistic time in my life. The timing of your synchronicity of your recall of this post is impeccable. I had almost clicked cognitively about this, but you have given me a well needed nudge. Thanks. I now feel that I am much more in the flow of things than I did before.

I feel that our biochemistry is a wonderful thing to get drunk on, Babayada, and it could also be working as part of God's plan(as something that has its place), as research has said that we get a chemical jolt when a person matches our unique lovemap, that we created as a child. Of course many things can go horribly wrong with our lovemaps and we then get into wrong relationships, so our chemistry is not in this way and many other ways a faultless guide as you have said.

I feel that the initial infatuation that you mentioned Jeffdengr and Babayada is a needed jolt to give a relationship a good headstart, hopefully by the time it ends you have developed other meldings for the long haul, as you both said. I love Richard Bandler's Passion Enhancer CD session, "...that each time I hear my wife's voice or see her face, I would fall twice as much in love with her...", "...if you can remember how your car starts, and you can remember how to brush your teeth...you can remember how to increase your passion...". That CD is a wonderful cure for feelings of infatuation and passion lost in youth.

Thanks to Crazy08, Gail and Zeus also for their contributions.

I really loved all your posts. Some with seemingly opposing truths, but really again they are all truths that make a whole.

[This message has been edited by Grant (edited October 09, 2005).]

Just because someone believes something doesn't mean it's true, nor is their sincerity relevant.

I find the concept of a Soul Mate to be very unspiritual, and quite depressing.

It implies that out of the billions of people on earth, there's only one that my soul is truly compatable with.

I see my soul as something that anyone would be lucky to be touched by.

[This message has been edited by Kaiden (edited January 05, 2006).]

I am with Kaiden on that point.

There are so many wonderful people in the world, and so many ways to love others! Sometimes, you can even love someone, who also loves you, AND you can work well together...somtimes it does not work that way...

Why limit yourself with the idea that there could only be one? Not only does it set people up for failure (you and others), it also removes any sense of accountability, potential for self improvement, proactivity, and healthy surrender.

You have love in your life. Lots of it. Enjoy that, seek out others to love. Somtimes, it is romantic love, sometimes it is friendship, sometimes it is another of the infinite varieties of love---enjoy them all, you deserve it.

It is my understanding from research and personal experience that one can have many Soul Mates but only one Twin Soul (or sometimes called Twin Flame).

The difference is a Soul Mate is a soul that has agreed to incarnate with you and help you learn a life lesson such as being unconditionally loving, being more forgiving etc.

A Twin Soul often confused for Soul Mate is a soul that has the exact same frequency as you. Why that is is beyond the scope of this resply.

You only encounter your Twin Soul after significant spiritual growth, as a relationship with this person is VERY, VERY intense and not to be taken lightly.

Soul Mates help you grow and learn, whereas a Twin Soul relationship is orchestrated by God to bring more Light to Earth. A Twin Soul relationship has a bigger purpose.

You are usually physically attracted to a Soul Mate but not your Twin Soul (initially). This is in your best interest.

If you desire a love relationship (or anything else for that matter) it is best to work on your spiritual growth or consciousness. Meditate, work on becoming more loving and sharing.

A book that I would recommend for explaining why you don't get what you want (Law of Paradoxical Intent) is "Secrets of Attraction -The Universal Laws of Love, Sex and Romance" by Sandra Anne Taylor.

As long as you are focusing on being a channel for Light the perfect relationship for you at that given time will manifest in your experience. Be at peace if that person is a Soul Mate and not your Twin Soul. Everything happens in your absolute best interest. I promise.

quote:

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Originally posted by vita-man:
Why limit yourself with the idea that there could only be one? Not only does it set people up for failure (you and others), it also removes any sense of accountability, potential for self improvement, proactivity, and healthy surrender.

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Oh yeah, does it ever set you up for failure. Think about it, in all of existence there is ONE "special someone," and if you mess up with them, you've ruined your life. Who needs that kind of pressure? I'd hate to be anyone's "soul mate," because they'd be so afraid of loosing me that they would come across as needy. I'm not attracted to needy people, and neither are most women. Strong, independent people seek out relationships with others of their kind.

I also find it silly to think that God has a deep personal interest in who I have sex with. However, as a student of theology, I have a deep personal interest in who God has sex with. I guess it's hypocritical of me.

Then again, it's what made The Davinci Code so popular, isn't it?

[This message has been edited by Kaiden (edited January 05, 2006).]

Quote
"I also find it silly to think that God has a deep personal interest in who I have sex with. However, as a student of theology, I have a deep personal interest in who God has sex with. I guess it's hypocritical of me."

Kaiden- not hypocritical at all- but really very funny!

Honest though, when I climbed back onto my chair and caught my breath again, I saw it as the kind of healthy paradox mentioned in Resiliency.

vitaman

Kaiden

I find God's intervention in my life very personal and very meaningful because it is very personal.

I find the idea of special people placed in my life delightful and intriguing.

I believe the soul doesn't rest until it rests in God. I believe that what God wants for me is better than anything I could possibly want for myself.

Listening for God's guidance in my life is extremely fulfilling and a journey I am totally committed to. That God has got my very best interests at heart is awesome. For me God's will for my life is not one that is life-restricting but fulfilling to the utmost.

Sex with a meta-level of spirit is the most awesome sex between two people, the passions are the hottest. When sex is divine it's exciting and fulfilling. To feel that you are partaking in one of God's gifts is absolutely soul enriching. God has plans for my fulfillment if I only choose to go by His excellent guidance.

I might also be hypocritical but I have a strong intention.

quote:

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Originally posted by Grant:
Kaiden

I find God's intervention in my life very personal and very meaningful because it is very personal.

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I guess that's the difference between me. I'm an entheist, but at heart it's little different than being a deist or atheist. I find my own intervention in my life to be the most meaningful, and of course the most personal. I realize I make my own choices, have my own successes or failures, and am guided by my experience and by my choices. Divinity rarely enters into the picture.

Somehow, the idea of God as a cocktail party host who taps me on the shoulder and says, "Kaiden, I have someone you just have to meet!" is a little far fetched.

By taking God out of the picture, the relationships I have aren't based on His criteria of success or failure, by rather by My criteria of learning and consistent improvement.

I've put God in the picture before, and the pictures are uglier that way. It makes every break-up a soul-crushing experience, because I've invested so much into one person. It's like investing an individual with the role of being God's Mission For Me On Earth. No woman can fit that role for me. Now, I'm only concerned with My Mission On Earth For Me, and because I'm the person who sets the parameters, I can adjust as I go along. Failure is setback and/or learning, rather than Exile from Relationship Eden.

One piece of advise most relationship Guru's will tell you is never to rely on another person to make you happy. I apply that to God as well.

I hope this has given you something to think about. I don't want to argue into the face of belief. My goal in life is to have a mind opened with wonder, rather than closed by belief. And because of this, I'll always wonder, and never believe, that I've found the "perfect" woman.

Kaiden, I have often admired your reasoning and your sense of wonder and unique expression of your learning in life, I have admired your sense of owning your learning.

I have seen great self-sufficiency in you that I admire, I could do with just a little bit more self-sufficiency myself. I have learnt that self-sufficiency has its rightful place in the human mind and behaviour. It is impossible to live healthfully without a good helping of it. To wait for God's every instruction is evil and wrong and is not the way God intended.

I believe, to search for wisdom and then use that wisdom is the way God intended. I could do with a greater helping of self-sufficiency and I admire that in you, it is fantastic what you have, and it is something you should value. Those who are dependent on God to the extreme that they haven't got a healthy sense of self, that is an immaturity that keeps some people away from God. I believe God wants us to lean on Him until we can depend on our own minds to live well, but then that doesn't mean getting rid of God when He has made us more independent of Him. Steven Covey had a word "interdepence" - the fullness of one person interacting with the fullness of another. Paul Scheele has this described into the process on the Relationships paraliminal.

About the word "have" to do something for God. If you feel you "should" or "have" to do something, then the other person might resent it if you don't want to do it. I feel that good relationships aren't built around unhealthy obligation, and shoulding yourself with guilt. Too little wanting to do good, can lead to living a lie, shoulding yourself to do stuff you don't really want to do.

Loving a person only because you have to is not a real relationship. I am trying to use this principle to get dishonest goodness out of my life. To me a should can only go so deep into a person's mind, a relationship could turn really sour if it's all based on this outer layer. I find it very difficult to accept total unselfishness as a possibility for a person, although unselfishness is a virtue, the external shoulding is not the unselfishness that I think is right or truly virtuous. I believe the true virtuous unselfishness is the brain healthy "selfish unselfishness" - (thanks to Al Siebert for cementing that learning), when you really want to do something for somebody else because you want that person to be happy. I believe that it is unhealthy psychologically to be totally unselfish and a very dishonest way of relating. To love somebody because you choose is the only love there can be.

The method I used to come to know God more intimately is to pray mainly for what I personally want, besides I believe God does not answer dishonest requests. I believe that God uses this reflexively to encourage me to lift my values. By constantly doing this I believe that God shapes me to learn His will willingly. I just have to show a willingness.

About God choosing a soulmate for me, I believe that if I like somebody a lot, really a lot, and God confirms that He will bless the relationship richly and that He chose her AND I chose her, I am filled with great joy at this, and will be even more willing to put effort into the relationship, and I won't hold back from the relationship.

About the pain of break-up I trust if God wants a relationship for me, He will do his utmost to build the relationship Himself, and if there is a break-up I have God to depend on to catch me and heal me. Personally I don't think God likes the idea of break-ups and won't purposefully put me in a relationship to destroy me. When it's God I trust only good can come of it even if it's only a good learning curve it won't go to waste.

Kaiden I could not have put it better. I have said before in this Forum that personally I find life meaningful enough without the need for looking for further meaning elsewhere, i.e. God. So does life have meaning? I can only answer for myself and say that I find my life a meaningful experience without the need for God. Oh and I fully agree with your comments re soulmates

Regards
Steve

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