Well, since it's a slow day. I'll share my mental ramblings while doing joining yin and yan today.

As with all my stories, it all started way back when I over-heard someone (Whom shall remain nameless) saying they had visualized their faimily s in the energy ball receiving energy. Since that time I've modified my own visualizations during this exercise. One that I have normally left little connection with.

I've visualized myself in the energy ball. I visualized it as model of a ball of energy around me. I've visualized my own family in the ball.

Today, while moving my hands over the spinning energy ball I visualized an energetic flow from the ball to my lower dantian. It wasn't a rigid conduit. It was like the Sci Fi pictures. The bright almost snake like arms, with well defined boundaries. In other words a nicely visualized flow.

I then imagine more of these arms leaving the ball and connecting to the lower dantian of the sleeping family. I then imaged each in turn, within my visualization. I performed a small universe on them for a few cycles. All the while visualizing the flow of energy to the lower dantian. I felt like a good thing I could do for them.

I'll just add that my own connection to the energy via this visualization was good. I mean that it felt good. As opposed to feeling nothing, as I normaly do.

Just thought I'd share.
Sending love,
Iam2

Got my SFQ course a few days ago. I am still in the process of learning the active exercises, but when doing Moving of Yin and Yang as I move my left hand (yin) up and right hand (yang) down I don't need to move my hands, they feel like they are being magnetically drawn up and down. This happened from about the 3rd revolution on the first night. It feels as though I have to slow them down abnd work against the pull, but when moving them towards their respective areas (yin, lower body. Yang, upper body) it just feels normal.

Last night (my second time doing active exercises) I really felt the energy ball in my hands while doing the Joining of Yin and Yang. Same thing, felt as though my hands were sliding around a magnetically charged sphere, (this time pushing my hands away from each other) I could actually feel it, the smaller the sphere the more warmth and magnetic strength (repulsive) I felt pushing against my hands.

Both nights now I have hopped into bed and instantly gotten tired and fallen straight to sleep. I have suffered from insomnia for basically all my life and can't even remember the last time this has happened. I also find that I have quite a few twitches afterwards and know from my meditation that this is caused from energy channels opening up.

I think I have had a real imbalance of Yin and Yang in my body for a long time. Just a guess, though.

Just from these past few days of reading about and practicing Qigong I really feel an increase in compassion and unconditional love for all humankind. This has been my goal through meditation for the past little while. Could this be because rather than just an hour to an hour and a half a day of meditation, it has been increased by about twofold through practising SFQ?

I'm not sure, but many weird and wonderful things are happening in my body and life. Too many to mention here as this was supposed to be a short post.

To even it out though after the first day my back, neck and shoulder felt much looser, but today the pain in all has increased more than usual. I am not worried about this but see it as part of the healing process. I have had problems in these areas for quite some time which is the reason for getting SFQ. It will take a while to move these stubborn blockages no doubt.

Wishing all much happiness, love and healing in their lives and those around them.

Who says it's supposed to be short.

I loved your post. I think it's great you feel this exercise so powerfully.

I must say that the longer I make the exercise sessions the better they are.

Thanks for sharing. Sending love,
Iam2

Awakening:
My experience has been very much different from yours. I started SFQ last week. I did a few of the active exercies and the small universe meditation. There was so much energy going through my body I thought I was going to take flight! I also have problems sleeping and the exercises excaberated it so I am taking a break this weekend and going to start back Monday. My main reactions were itching and too much energy. For those of you wondering, I consume NO caffeine(ever) and I exerise one hour for three days a week. I'm hoping this excess energy will eventually level out.
Keep me posted on how you progress.

Warm regards,
Heartbeat

Wow grate experiences all the way around. Awakening what an appropriate name for you and you are fortunate that you are so sensitive to the energy this early on. Most people do not feel the energy that strong in the beginning. Thought I would mention that because from you perspective it might seem like it would be quite normal. You are correct that the increase in pain is due to the movement of energy and the healing process it is a continuation of transformation for you no doubt.

Awakening, I would only comment on cautions of affirming any limiting beliefs. You may already be aware of this but just incase I’ll point out what I noticed. Where you said that “ I have had problems in these areas for quite some time….,,, It will take a while to move these stubborn blockages no doubt.” This type of belief can slow the process for you. Better yet is to state that these blockages are easily dissolved and moved out with each practice of SFQ, I am becoming clearer and clearer etc. Or something like that would server you better. Just thought I would share the thought as it appeared too jumped out at me.

Heartbeat, the only difference in your experience is that the energy you have built up may need to be grounded. I take it you are doing Qigong before bed, therefore you are possibly over energized? If so whether before bed or not consider focusing on the grounding portion of the exercise. Such as the closing sequence where you stand on toes and drop your heals. Think of relaxing the whole body so that as you drop to your heal you can feel the whole body reverberate from the gentle thump. Perhaps a couple of extra ones with the thought of grounding excess energy into the earth to help mother earth heal is another good visual. Also when you are rubbing your stomach visualize as in the meditation the ball getting smaller and smaller compressing the size of a pill may help. Have you tried meditating before bed?

Ascending:

Your suggestion for grounding is a good one. Actually, I have been doing the Qigong in the mornings and this morning at 5:00, I seemed to be able to do the exerises more smoothly and I was more coordinated. I did not do the small universe meditation this morning so maybe that is what caused the previous excess energy. Also, I called upon a Master this time to be with me and keep me from getting too 'out there'. I feel better about how it went this time.

I appreciate your advice!

Warm regards,
Heartbeat

Hey Heart,
I have been trying the early morning shift myself. Try this if it fits your schedule. I would do the exercise and at the end just before rubbing hands I stop the video then I would do a sitting meditation small universe. After the sitting meditation I would start the video back up and then do the whole ending sequence. I would do the head stuff still sitting down by that time I am a little more grounded and can stand for the rest of I the patting out etc. I have just started this and it seems to flow pretty well.

Thanks Iam2 for starting this thread and to others for responding. It was me who mentioned putting my family in the ball. My experience of this exercise has recently been very inspiring - a real feeling of energy which almost pushes my hands out. I think this has happened because I'm trying to relax and pay attention to what I'm feeling. This sounds like a contradiction perhaps but I know what I mean! I started experimenting with putting my family in the ball because of someone else's comment on the forum.

Can I invite us to experiment with putting other things in the ball and see what happens? It is a common part of many techniques to visualise and perhaps here is a way to visualise positive future events within an energy ball. Can any of the more experienced people on the forum see a problem with doing this? - it seems like a 'logical' extension.

Love

Kev

Kev,
My only hesitation to this would be that the exercise itself has a certain goal and purpose. What you are doing is not wrong and is grate but it can also be done in a meditation all on its own. The focus of the exercise you started to connect with, that energy repelling and expanding is where you might want to focus most of your attention. There is plenty there to tune into, with regards to personal well being circulating energy, visualization and so on. I’m not suggesting in stopping it, just to not lose site of the foundation of the practice which should be the focus of your attention.

I started thinking that even if you were feeling healthy that this would not be a bad thing to add. Then it occurred to me that part of the focus of the exercise is to sense and build your internal chi energy. With all that is going on in the exercise you are also building upon your sensing ability. At least I think that is where the intention is intended to be, no pun. What you have done has allowed you to connect more with the energy; this should help you and can be used to refocus into the exercise.

The hidden benefits to the exercise as I see it would be as follows:
1) You connect with the energy.
2) Increase your awareness of the energy.
3) Relax breath slowly, adjust posture accordingly relax some more.
4) Slow movement down and focus awareness, coordinate breathing with movement.
4) Increase your sensitivity to the energy.
5) Increase you own energy storage capacity.
6) With all of that going on you are clearing blockages opening channels
7) Tap into the emptiness with your mind and clear the chatter.
8) Tune into grater awareness of purpose ect.
9) Building a stronger foundation from which to heal others.

I suspect there is probably more but this is just a few off the top of my head that I see that can be gained and focused on from the exercise.

Perhaps others have some comments or suggestions?

Much love to you all

[This message has been edited by Ascending1 (edited September 30, 2003).]

[This message has been edited by Ascending1 (edited September 30, 2003).]

Hi everyone:

This is incredible stuff. I plant my feet on the floor and I move my hands around and I have feelings of empowerment and strength that I never had before. Believe me, I was BORN a passive person(not that I am aggressive now). It is a feeling of mental and physical strength. I am liking this. I am REALLY liking this.

Heartbeat

Heartbeat

Thanks for this joyful post. I too continue to feel stunned by it and the power of 'just waving you hands around'. I wish I had heard of it when I was very much younger but I'm glad I encoutered it at all.

Ascending1

Thanks for your very thoughtful post. I felt inuitively that you were right - there is much more within the exercise for me to relax into and explore for all the reasons you mention. In fact I need to take the detail of what you're offering on baord for a while.

Love to you both

Kev

Aloha Iam2 et. al.,

The forming and moving of yin & yang exercises/meditations are very powerful (as Heartbeat attested). There is a lot going on and being worked on. The column is more than just the main front and back channels. We want to attach specific meaning of something to what we already know to help get our "brain around it". Consider that perhaps within the column, the front and back channels are joined as one and that the work done here allows for this, the chakras, one's life line and more than I can shake a stick at (or even realize), to heal and strengthen.

The following is an tweak to the column of light in the moving of Yin and Yang exercise that master Lin has mentioned a few times over the last couple years.

In the beginning, see the energy column narrow as a pencil. As you meditate, the column may grow wider. Let it grow to the size it will be. It may become as wide as the body, as large as the room, or even as big as the universe.

When ending the exercise, visualize the column of light gradually returning to the width of a pencil -brighter and stronger than before.

Of course women finish with the left hand over right, and men right over left in front of the lower dantain. Bring all the energy to collect there. Now continue with the next active exercise or end with the Harvesting of Qi.

One can look at and remember the image of a candle flame or a vertical florescent bulb, bringing the image into their body to help visualize the column of light.

Much Love, Shawn

Thanks Shawn. I will work at following your description.

Currently the column I've visualized is about 2 inches, or a little bigger, in diameter.

The closing of moving Yin and Yang has always confused me. I kind of just jump from visualizing column to pill. Should I colapse the column into the lower dantian?

Also the candle imagery give me a white model, not the transparent column. When I started with SFQ I used to visualize a hazey white column. Then watched the video a few times and it became golden. Then read the manual and one day it became transparent.... help. Or does it really matter? However narrowing a transparent column will stay transparent.

Oh, and the front and back channels within the column with help me. Thanks.

Thanks for sparing some time from your family.

You are perfection,
Iam2

Yes, thanks Shawn for this very helpful set of images. I now know more clearly why Chunyi Lin was referring to different sizes. My images sometines have quite a weak form and while that is in the nature of (my) images it is better to have a guide of the kind that you offer.

I hope you are enjoying your little one. I don't recall any details about whether you had a girl/boy (maybe even one of each, ho, ho!) but maybe I missed it

Love

Kev

Shawn

Just caught up with the Isaiah stories so no need to reply to the previous post. I didn't read that thread because UK to Twin Cities is serious money although I'd love to visit eventually. Great stories! Time for a couple more though, since you hint there are many? Not if you're sleep deficient though - I reveal my own experience of early fatherhood here!

Love

Kev

Aloha Iam2,

It's interesting that the candle flame is white to you. Light one up now and tell me what you see.

When it's coming to the end time of the exercise, that's when you concentrate the column to a thinner core (similar to the ball of energy into a concentrated pill), and then as the last hand (right for men), comes down, I collapse and bring the energy/column down to the lower dantain, do the breaths focusing it there, and continue with the next exercise or finish with the harvesting of qi.

As for story time with the (sleepy)Grim's...

[GRAPHIC READ AT OWN RISK]

Picture Darcie waking up with my alarm in the morning and figuring she'd use the bathroom before me, she gets there and boom -mucus plug goes, bags of water breaks, and is immediately in transition labor.

Well I hop on the phone to the Doula and then watch as the contractions go from 5-7 minutes apart to 2 in over the next 40 minutes and when the back up Doula get there and takes over applying counter pressure, she asked one question and we head to the hospital.

The story (other than the accelerated labor), comes on the 20 minute car ride to the hospital in which I'm qigonging her when the contractions and the pushing hits her. She then is immediately able to center until the next one. It was funny seeing the doula in the back seat with Darcie noticing her being able to quickly center herself and then notice me qigonging her from the driver's seat. What is he doing and why isn't the labor pain longer? (She was the back up doula and had just heard a glimpse of qigong Darcie's work from our regular doula).

I wouldn't recommend intervening as much as I did, other than recommending visualizing Mom and baby safe in the sun, but since the backup doula thought it best to get to the hospital rather than have it there at home, and the fact that Darcie already wanted to push... I needed to keep the channels open, energized, and protect the space safe and non traumatized for both Mom and the baby.

ps. We were lined up for a water birth, but when we got to the hospital and our midwife checked Darcie and nixed that -she was complete and +3.

[time to head home]
Much Love, Shawn

[This message has been edited by Shawn_Grim (edited October 01, 2003).]

Well that sounds like a marvelous birthing experience. Our first was somewhat longer... Posterior birth ===> Ouch.

For this poor Canuck +3 seem pretty small, until I realize you were talking inches.

I'll check the candle out later. My minds eye candle WAS white, until you asked that question. Now it has some yellow in it. I guess I need cleaner ear-wax for my mental candles.

You are perfection,
Iam2

Okay, there are some hints of colour around the boundaries of the flame. The main body fo the flame is white.

Looking back at the pencil of light I visualized this morning it was white. The column didn't change size on it's own. I consciously changed the size to several sizes. Why not, I consciously made it pencil thin. I went as far as exceeding the limits of my body and arm movement. No wows in any of it. I was probably to conscious.

I didn't appreciate the colapsing the column with the right hand.

Question: When you bring the right hand down do you stop at the lower Dantian or go to the bottom of the torso and back?

Do you compress the bottom of the column with the motion of the left hand?

I doubt they are important. It's just that I had stopped my left hand and realised the bottom of the column was still in place. I instantly shorted this. I don't like instant changes in visualization during Qigong. No bad feelings.... more like a sense I'm missing out on good ones.

You are perfection,
Iam2

Thanks Shawn and Iam2,

I'll try the pencil column and collapsing of column tommorow monring.

Love and Light to all

Michael

PS - IAM2 quotes "You are perfection". My response is "I know!"

Aloha Iam2,

+3 is a medical term describing how far the head of the baby is past the sitz(sp) bone notch, not how dilated -that was already as I mentioned, "complete".

With the expanding addition of the column, you visually start it the size of pencil, expand it with the incoming energy and then condense it back brighter and stronger than it began.

At the end of the exercise one brings/collects the energy back at their lower dantian.

What kind of polar bear candles are the selling you up there? Whether you see white or gold in your candle flame doesn't matter, it's just a tool. My first image and initial look at one sees a golden translucidity.

Enjoy the exercise.

Have you or Michael seen Alex K's website pictures from the retreat yet? Very fun.

Much Love, Shawn

Yeah, I checked them out right away.

She had resent me the one with all three of us. The one you forwarded I could not open.

I'll have to down load them one at a time.... when I take 20 minutes from everything else. As it is, I just bought two more books at noon. One on fasting and one an anthology of papers from healers.

P.S. I suspect that a flame from polar bear fat would be quite yellow and sutty.

P.P.S. Wow, that was a quick delivery. Did she even have to bare-down?

You are perfection,
Iam2

P.P.S. I'm quite sure you send yourself that message all the time Michael.

Iam2,

Can you give a quick description about the two books? What led you to buy them?

Love and Light to all

Michael

First the books:
Fasting can save your life, by Herbert M. Shelton.

Healers on Healing, edited by Richard Carlson.

Why...

Well Michael you know where I work. I took a stroll into the chinese area at lunch to buy some black sesame seed. Found them the first store I tried. I even bought two different black sesame seed snacks... one went straight into the garbage. Yuk! Tasted like ash. The other is fine.

I was heading to another store for some batteries for my tape player; need those for the smaller universe meditation at lunch. On the way there, I saw a used book store I'd never seen before. Not only used books, but all new age and the like books. After a few minutes of browsing I see there are some headings. One is Healing, so of course I have a scan.

Why these books? Well you know my germans work overtime. That's a left brain reference for the rest of you people. You also know that I'm committed to really doing this Qigong right. I think of my related dream from the retreat as least once a week. I've already picked up a book that surveys several different meditation styles. The Healers on Healing book is by the "Don't sweat the small stuff series". I have several of those... they are kind of sappy and common sense, but 1 out of 10 is personally useful. I figured that this is a good survey book on healing in general. I believe there is a great commonality to all healing. Here's a chance to get a tastes from many dishes in one book (about 30 articles by different healers).

For some reason Chunyi's comments about fasting techniques has stuck with me. One day fasting is common in many religions. The idea has popped up in my mind a few times, without queuing. Besides, it was only $3. The other book only cost me $7.

$10 bucks to feed my curiousity, if I every get some time.

Well, I've got a yin yan water and black sesame seed post to type before going to bed.

We have to get some face time Michael and bring Dan in on it too.

You are perfection,
Iam2

[This message has been edited by Iam2 (edited October 02, 2003).]

Thanks for your comments and guidance Ascending1, you were right, I was limiting myself with the belief that it may take some time to heal! Don't know how that one slipped in there but thank you for pointing it out.

Iam2, I can't wait to start doing longer sessions. At the moment I am following the video for guidance but will soon go to the tape and from there go to doing them by myself. Thanks for starting this thread too.

Heartbeat, it is great to hear of your experiences and enjoyment of the energy you have connected to. It is also nice to know of someone else who has started at around the same time as myself. It will be good to know how each of us progress in our own ways.

To keep you updated on my progress, I can now feel the energy much more strongly in the exercises. The moving and joining of Yin and Yang continue to be my favourite exercises and now when doing the moving exercise my hands simply move all the way round in the energy stream that I can feel! It is amazing. Especially when they both turn at the top and bottom of the path simultaneously and I can feel my hands being turned by some other force than my own.

In the joining exercise I realised that I was holding my hands a bit too close together (because I felt the energy much stronger this way) but now can do it at the correct size and feel the energy there quite strongly. What helped me here was that I noticed that Master Chunyi had a very subtle way in which he started the roll of the energy with his fingers in his movements on the video. (Watch his top hand to see what I mean) Since I mimicked this movement with whatever hand was at the top of the energy sphere, the other hand is automatically drawn into motion with it and I now subsequently feel the energy more strongly.

As I have gotten acquainted with the other exercises and can do them while going into the emptiness (rather than concentrating getting my technique right), I have begun to feel the energy drawing my hands around and feel it in my body more strongly while doing them as well.

This prompts my next question.

When I try to do the visualisations I can actually feel the energy weaken and my hands grow cold, however if I simply let myself go into the emptiness, it becomes much more powerful and I can just let the energy dictate corrections in my posture and movements. (While sticking to Chunyi's instructions) If I become distracted I then use the visualisations to bring my mind back to focus and the emptiness.

Is it ok not to do the visualisations? It feels much more powerful if I simply let my mind go. I like to do the visualisation of the energy column in the forming of Yin and Yang and then when when I feel my hands grow warm and can feel the energy I prefer to just feel the energy and concentrate a little on that while clearing my mind and trying to become one with the universe.

oh, when doing the seven steps I find that it helps to visualise the energy coming up to each of the seven levels and then back down again. Besides I couldn't go into the emptiness if I tried at the moment I am so wobbly when doing it

I can also see the benefit in Kev5's suggestion of visualising others in the energy ball. What a great idea! I know what you mean by relaxing, I think it is similar to what I have explained above?

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to this post, I haven't had the chance lately.

Sending love and wishing happiness to all the wonderful people who post here.

P.S. Iam2, I like your ending phrase and read on a previous post somewhere that it makes you feel good to send out love to others. I agree with you wholeheartedly, is it OK if I use it too?

P.P.S. Congratulations on your little one Shawn and thanks for your guidance and knowledge in this forum.

Thanks for sharing your experience awakening one. I really feel that this sharing will help us all. I picked up several ideas from your post.

Fist is that I too have notice that subtle changes in the posture and movements can greatly change the feel. Watching Master Lin is great for seeing these subtlies. Two of mind are: the leading with the elbos in and a slight rotation of the hands at the top and bottom of Moving Yin and Yang. I'll watch the video again for the hand action in Joining Yin and Yang.

I do my exercises in silence as opposed to watching on TV because I don't want to wake the rest of my family... anymore than I already do. I also spend a lot of time on the first for exercise. Sometimes not even getting to the last two. Usually only doing one of them.

I don't go into the emptiness except in the first exercise. I treat it like the tangerine technique in PhotoReading. I go through that door and leave it behind. I've been spending quite a long time in this exercise lately. Trying to fully feel the emptiness, I think it is getting stronger for me.

I still have a significant amounts of mental chatter while doing the exercises. I deal with it differently, I think I may try and going through that emptiness door. You're experience seems so good.

My best experiences seem to be when I can completely emmerse myself in the exercise. Visualizing and feeling.

I find that I'm still constantly correcting myself. I find that taking it as a gentle reminder and smiling at the helpful information, and not expecting myself to have totally mastery is when I things go best.

As for the closing. Of course use it. Actually I'll thank for reminding of why I started using it. It FEELS good to do it. Also I've started using a different message, and I've notice that lately my connection to that feeling is not a present with me, so I may flip back and forth. My new message is best when I have the feeling present.

You are perfection,
Iam2

P.S. I'm feeling it, thanks to your post.

Awakening:

I will keep you posted with my Qigong experiences. Since we started around the same time, it will be interesting to share our thoughts.
Right now, I am ready to go out the door and it will be tomorrow night before I get a chance to put my thoughts together.
Shawn, congratulations on your little one. Thanks for your guidance here.
I am so grateful for what I am learning here.

Heartbeat

Now you mention it, I too saw how in the Moving of Yin and Yang that Master Chunyi had the slight rotation of hands and I also noted how the hand closest to the body seemed to stay parallel with it until it was up near the neck. When I changed to this action, that was when I felt that my hands stayed within the energy for the full rotation.

I caught up on the posts here Iam2 and I saw how you had changed your ending phrase. Was a bit behind the times. Do you think possibly that best could be "Sending love to all and choosing to see the perfection in everything"? Probably not, but I think I may have coined an ending phrase that I really like. Thank you for the inspiration.

Iam2 & awaken, ahhh not to be confused with I am to awakening which I am doing but I was actually referring to you guys. Kind of cool I get to affirm at the same time.

I also noticed the subtlety of the movement and how it effects the awareness of the energy between the hands. What I noticed is not only the mechanical but also the mood; speed and intentions all play a subtle roll. Iam2, that shift with the elbows made a big difference for me especially with the expanding and contracting. Having the elbows lead the movement allowed me to sense the energy actually pushing the hands out, very cool. Master Lin also varies his hand positions on occasion leading with the wrist and letting the fingers lag behind in the movement, this also provides a different feel for me.

On rolling the ball if I try to maintain keeping both palms facing each other I seem to get a better awareness of the constant energy. I also noticed that Master Lin would on occasion rotate the ball so that there would be no end point such as rotating clockwise then counter clockwise with stop points at the ends just before changing direction. What I noticed is that on occasion it is as if the hand rising moves forward and then down the front of the ball while the lower hand comes up in opposition. Just a thought I wanted to share incase it helps you in the way your sharing helped me.

Awakening, you had questioned if it was necessary to do the visualization. I think the answer would be yes at least in my opinion it would be. You would want to continue the practice because the visualization has its importance in working with the energy. I think it is normal to bounce back and forth with what feels good and what you still have to work at. It is all about intention so if you happen to get into the emptiness, lets say 80% of the time then occasionally 20% of the time tap into the visual you would still be ahead of the game. Eventually the feelings would be automatic in all you do throughout the exercise. At least that is my goal. Think of the visual as focused self-healing time also a time to learn skills for the healing of self and others later on.

You are spot on Ascending1 I have been having good results with the visualisations lately. I practice Zen meditation (simply going into the emptiness) and also use Holosync and have always used this method for it too.

I think my problem was that when doing the visualisations I would come out of my meditative state. I was trying too hard to visualise the energy. By this I mean picture it in my head. I now start by visualising it but also willing it, then feeling for it and if I can feel it I then concentrate on the energy in my body and the sensations caused by it. Mainly at the moment I feel it with my hands.

Feeling sensations in my body has always helped me in my meditation. I guess you could say it was a focus point for me to help go deeper. I always thought it was simply chemical releases such as endorphins etc, now I am not so sure. The feelings I am getting with Qigong seem to be different though. More continuous rather than simply surges.

My advice to anyone would be to just KNOW that you can will the energy and don't limit yourself in any way. Ascending1 set me straight when I didn't even realise I was doing it. He has helped me tremendously, I have no limits now, either does anyone else. Practice, practice, practice. Open your energy channels. Meditate and practice going into the emptiness. Be virtuous. The power is out there for anyone wishing to use it for the good of all.

Sending love and trying to think of a sign out that doesn't plagiarise Iam2's