Heh. I just posted something in regard to this on the "Examining my beliefs" thread.
The trick for me is to notice that the evaluations you make are always yours. If you look to others to get certain feelings about yourself, whether you look at their facial expressions, listen to their voices, notice postures, etc... whatever you seek in the external world as a reason to feel or think one way or another, it isn't what is on the outside that does the magic for you. It's always your internal assessment of that stuff that happens automatically matters.
No one in this world is ever really external in this sense. We are always evaluating and judging and this is always an internal activity. It isn't what they think that makes a difference. Because if it were, then your thoughts and feelings would be changing like crazy 24 hours a day 7 days a week whether other people were in your presence or out of it.
The fact is, you have to be looking at a person and listening to them to take in what they are communicating so you can INTERNALLY evaluate what it means. People with external frames of reference do the exact same things as people with internal frames of reference. The only difference is that they are UNCONSCIOUS of their role in the process.
In becoming CONSCIOUS that your EVERY RESPONSE is based upon YOUR OWN VALUES, YOUR OWN JUDGMENTS, and YOUR OWN THOUGHTS you strengthen your internal frame of reference.
It was never really about what they thought or said or the looks they gave you or however they responded. It was always about YOUR evaluation of it. It was always about what you thought about what you thought they thought.
So, when you feel someone thinks you're great or that you suck, quickly realize that, wait, *I* am thinking that I am great or I suck. They aren't in my head thinking this, I AM!
Once you do that, the rest is pretty easy. I can easily deal with thinking that I am this or that, because I can make a decision about it. You can always make a decision about how you think.
And, really, most people are their own best friends. You pretty much put a positive spin on everything regarding yourself. You just can't help it. It's human nature.
So, remember, it isn't the fact that someone is calling you a jerk that bothers you, or even a whole room of people laughing at you, it is what YOU think about it. Own it. If a whole room laughs at you, and you think you are a buffoon, think, "Ok, so I think I am a buffoon." When I do that, I usually laugh at it, because I know I really don't think I am a buffoon. It was just a response I had to an event. I usually think I am a pretty smart guy.
