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A few months ago, I began working fairly intensely with a particular client. ( 9 or more hours per week one on one and in groups)

Recently, I began to notice some of my own tones and gestures that remind me of him...remind me of some of the features I do not like about him.

It is true that we may notice irritating things about people that actualy remind us of our shadow qualities. It is also true that this client, who has some mild developmental delays, copes partly by mimicking or paraphrasing/repeating what has been said (to feign understanding)

I wonderwhat it is that I do not like- is it that he mirrors me incongruently , or does he remind me of my shadow? Projection, reflection, or echo?

Still- with both of these possibilities in mind, I have been given the gift of seeing more work to be done in myself. And, I hope, in a way that will also benefit him.

I think that New Behavior Generator might be a place to start- however, I do not want to cover something that might need a closer look...

vitaman

There may be another reason. You're becoming your clients mirror so that he can see himself better. It might also be an attempt to gain rapport and understand your client better. Mimicking his behaviours may be a way of seeing how he sees himself and that may be your foundation for helping him?

Alex

Hmmm...interesting thought, worth exploring.

I forgot to write that I notice these things when I am not at work- but at home in the evening and on the weekend, when I am not with him. I think that is why it disturbs me so. My first reaction was "OMG, I hope I am not modeling him!"

While I believe everyone has ability and value, (otherwise I would not do this work!) I understand that people can have limitations as well. (Such as delayed neurological development) While I always want to model skills and abilities, realisticaly, some will not pick it up...

I am going to explore the idea that this is a way of understanding his state...that could be very useful.

I imagine weekends is the time you have to notice you are doing it. What are the chances that you're doing it when you're with him too?

I found it interesting that when a person is bothering me some how. Or I have unpleasant experiences with them I mimic a trait that stands out and I'm not particularly fond of in them. I find myself thinking hey Alex who hasn't let go yet? On reflection I find that they were somehow in my thoughts and not in a positive way It's a learning experience and a reminder... Let go, do I really want to own this.

Alex

I remember as a young student in martial arts looking at others students having a hard time with the exercises given. And I identified with other students and even beat myself for having the same problems. Yet my problems were also rooted somewhere else. And that mirror exact or distored was and is an awareness to grow. Now 40 years later in my own club I have come to now realize that this is not something that you judge yourself with. But is a gift. Be thankful for it. The reality of the gift is to be aware of it. I myself employee the Genius Code for this and have a good counseller do the work with me. And again I am re-reading the book Meeting the Shadow
The hidden power of the Darkside of Human Nature.

Hope this helps.

@ vita-man

Well, it's said that working with depressed people has the risk of making you depressed.. I just wonder how deeply committed you are to your work? I guess that it's positive to see this as something to uncover. But in my mind (and guess work) it also seems like you're heavily invested in this. Perhaps to much if you're clients rub of on you? What about your own bondaries?

This is only guessing...

Hi Tore. Thank you for your input.

Actualy, he is not depressed, nor am I. He has a profesional diagnosis of cognitive impairments and ADD, neurological consequences of his documented developmental delay.

I am just on the lookout for transferrence and projection, possible risks of counselling.

A beauty of this kind of work is that it can illuminate our own shadows, which is what I think is happening this time. The school of thought that I buy into is that counselors are humble and active participants in their own healing and evolvement. How could I expect others to dig in the dirt if I pretend to have clean hands?

I believe I have a healthy level of commintment to my work, and this is not a boundary issue on my part, but the illumination of a shadow aspect of myself to work on.

All the best

vitaman