Forums IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ Spring Forest Qigong Question about faith and false hope

Dear Forum

I am feeling somewhat despondent in relation to my health and my practice of SFQ, so thought I would write to ask for some guidance or suggestions. Forgive me if this is a long story.

I have studied/practised Tai Chi and Chi Kung for many years (over 20), and been doing SFQ Level 1 for almost 3 years. About 7 years ago I started developing the early symptoms of MS - tingling in hands & feet, strange nerve sensations, etc. One day I got out of a hot bath and collapsed (my legs gave way), and the nerve sensations in my right hand became more set in. After going to the doctor I was sent for an MRI scan which showed a single sclerosis on the spinal chord (MS is multiple sclerosis). My mother had MS (and died from it), so I have seen the possible implications close up. Plus, her experience has given me (strengthened by current medical belief) a strong 'imprint' that a sclerosis does not get better, and that the condition is degenerative.

Although I was not diagnosed as having MS, the doctors were not ruling out the possibility of it developing into multiple occurrences. My symptoms remained fairly stable for a couple of years after the scan, then got significantly worse about 3 1/2 years ago. The main things affected are balance and muscle fatigue - now, I can't stand up for any length of time, can't walk very far without my legs giving way, and my lower back mostly feels very collapsed. Any activity involving a level of physical strength (moving furniture, DIY etc) causes me to be wiped out for a day. This worsening prompted me to try SFQ. I practised quite steadily for about 3 months, and noticed some stabilising of my condition - and certainly an improvement emotionally.

Since then, I have maintained some level of practice, although not quite as regular - especially when I don't feel like it's going to make any difference. My condition has steadily got slightly worse. Last year I had many phone sessions from Master Lin, and also had periods of intensified help in the form of acupuncture, cranial osteopathy, shamanic healing, reiki and body harmony. All of these therapies/healings have helped for a few days, mostly emotionally - they lift my spirits, which does have a positive effect on my energy. However, I can't say that there has been any overall change in the degenerative direction the condition seems to be going.

Currently I do my SFQ practice about 2-3 times a week, and am only holding onto this by a thread of hope. I find very little motivation when there has been so little result. I have ordered the 2 new Paraliminals which appear to promise an answer to my dwindling faith.

The question I am trying to lead to here, is about false hope. All the symptoms I have experienced seem to be telling me that things will only get worse, no matter whether I practice SFQ or not. I realise that this is not a useful belief to have... but equally, I don't think it's useful to hold onto false hope and deny or be blinkered to the reality of what is occurring. I want to believe that my condition can improve (or at least not worsen), but don't want to spend my time and money 'chasing rainbows'.

Thank you for listening - and any comments, suggestions will be most welcome.
With love,
Mick

I went through a serious, long-term degenerative illness-severe chronic pain and other physical symptoms that doctors couldn't pinpoint the cause of. I was healed completely by practicing SFQ, but only after my faith was SEVERELY tested. In retrospect I'm glad I went through the experience, but I definitely didn't feel that way at the time. I learned that mind rules matter, period. The experience transformed me from an atheist and skeptic (even though I meditated daily) into a complete believer. Most of the pain went away in one day! At one point near the end I thought there was a good chance I would die soon (I was 25 years old at the time) and I said to God/the universe that I wanted to be happy and free of pain, even if it meant giving up my physical body. Of course that didn't happen, but I was willing to accept it at the time (I had come to believe in a soul and afterlife by then). I hope this helps you in some way.

-Josiah

Dear Mick,

You admit you have a strong “imprint” from your mother’s condition. You have assumed from what the doctors have told you that what you have will move on to full blown MS and death like your mother. This memory is obviously still causing you pain and fear. Perhaps this is what is really false. Hope is simply Life always seeking what is better. There is nothing false in that. Could you be listening to the false voice of depression which is significantly higher (1 in 4) in MS? You might want to discuss that with your doctor.

You also say when you practiced SFQ regularly, you saw improvement. I have to ask - why did you stop? Why not try just watching the video and/or listening to small universe a couple of times a day if you don’t feel the energy to do the exercises. And put yourself weekly on the Saturday list for group healing. The Universe seeks to bring your body into energy balance with SFQ. You’ve taken a while to build that imprint. It may take a while for SFQ to balance its effects. And read Gallen’s response to Miriam ( re: Unlocking the Lock #61570 - Fri Jun 22 2007 02:59 PM) about self-messages and the importance of regular practice.

Try releasing the rock of the memory of your mother’s illness and her failure to recover from it. I have a friend who was diagnosed with MS 40 years ago. He’s now almost 80 and except for the fact that his walk is now a little less steady, he has rarely had a bad day. If belief in being totally cured is too great a stretch for you at the moment, why not focus on that type outcome instead.

Blessings,

Catherine

Dear Josiah and Catherine

Thank you for your thoughts and encouragements.

Catherine - you are right that I have now & then listened to the voice of depression and maybe this is exactly the learning that I need to be taking from this condition. Throughout most of my life I have managed to see or feel into the positive side of challenging situations, but because of the slow, steady debilitating physical effects of this, I have struggled to avoid feeling a victim of 'it'. I don't make the assumption that it will move to full blown MS, although as I've said, the direction the physical condition has gone in so far has only been one way - worse. Emotionally, I go up and down (like any one else!). I have heard of many many different ways that MS manifests and does or doesn't progress - so I think I have a fairly open mind about where it might or might not go.

I like the phrase "releasing the rock of the memory..." There is something in there that rings true about how I hold my mother's memory - as a fairly weighty rock. That gives me a new angle to work with - thank you. It feels good to have shared this with you and I do feel encouraged to try being a little more consistent with my practice. And to remain open to assistance from any direction of the Universe.

With love
Mick

Josiah, thank you for this very inspiring post. I loved reading it!

Warmly,

Laura

Hi Mick;

One area I think you might look to is "Master's energy". Although you have tried the exercises and routine sometimes this isn't enough. Even working with Master Lin.

Sometimes you have to go outside of this realm and ask the Universe to find the right "Master" for you to deal with your situation. When I have been stumped in the past I have always "Gone into the Emptiness" with this question in mind.

Many times it does not manifest an answer right away but it does not mean that the Universe has not heard you, it means that the Universe is working on it.

Sometimes the Master appears in physical form or may be in the form of some intuition. You take what comes up. It is Master's Energy just the same.

Please believe that there is always an answer to your problem out there, someone knows a way to resolve it and I am certain that you will find the answer if you ask the Universe. Even if you just talk out loud to ask your question or state your need, the answer will come.

Wish you the best

Jeff

Jeff - thank you for your suggestion. It is certainly in this area that I feel I need to be paying more attention. The way you have put this has added another angle to the process which I feel has been emerging from my communication about the health issue - both here on the forum and with other like-minded friends.

I think my initial intent in posting here was to open up discussion about how to maintain hope, faith or motivation in the face of physical deterioration. I am surprised that there has not been someone 'in the same boat' come forward and offer how they, personally, 'stay with it'.

Most things we do during our everyday life, we do with a purpose. Whether it's eating because you're hungry, working to earn money, watching TV to switch off, getting drunk to 'zone out'. I started (and continue) to do SFQ with the intent to heal my physical condition. There have been times when I have felt the benefits physically - but mostly it has been emotionally, energetically or spiritually. To deliberately choose to continue with something that is not overtly 'working' requires faith that one day it will work. Or, it requires that I pay more attention to the other benefits, and be content with them. Or a combination of the two. I do have enough benefit in departments other than the physical to give me good purpose for continuing. My faith that I will be physically healed - that is another issue. Since this discussion, it feels less important.

I have recently been reading one of Stephen Levine's books where he stresses the importance of Loving Kindness (for self and others) as the foundation for all practice. What Chunyi would term Love, Kindness and Forgiveness, Stephen refers to as merciful awareness. At the point in time, this came as such a useful reminder (that Love is the foundation). In the whole issue of whether I am improving or not improving, it has been so important to remember the central point: the Heart of the matter. When I feel dis-Heartened, I should have a strong clue as to what can deliver balance - but we all forget some of the time.

Thank you again for all your thoughts and wishes.
With love,
Mick