Forums IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ Paraliminals, Paraliminal Resets, Paraliminal Walkabouts, Natural Brilliance, Sonic Access I need help....

I have been reading here for a bit. I ordered several paraliminals last year (Belief, New Behavior Generator, Personal Magnetism, New History Generator). I really never tried them out until now. Sorry if this post gets kind of long, but I want to explain where I was, where I am, and where I want to be so someone can properly assist me or tell me if paraliminals are even of much use to me for this issue.

The main thing I am trying to create in my life is a romantic relationship with someone of the opposite sex (a girlfriend!). I'm sure a lot of people here want to create that and it's not always easy, but I've got my brain screwed up pretty bad about this to the point where I think it's more impossible for me than anyone..... What do I mean? When I was around 13 (I'm 25 now) a girl told me I was ugly. For some reason I was so devastated by this, and believed it so completely, that I walked around for the next 10 years completely consumed by thoughts telling me I was ugly, girls didn't like me, I was too ugly to have sex with, etc, etc, etc. Around the same time I got totally hooked on internet porn. From 13 on I was OBSESSED with losing my virginity, and simultaneously OBSESSED with the fact I was repulsive to women and none of them wanted to be with me. Since then I've been clinically depressed, suicudal, addicted to drugs, etc. No area of my life was working for me during this time (family relationships, money, school, work), however I somehow channeled all of the frustration and pain I felt about anything into this one issue about not being able to have relationships with women. Like I actually derived all of my low self-esteem from that. I've tried counseling - I don't think they were bad counselors - I truly feel that my mind has grabbed onto this so unbelievably tightly that I was kind of out of their reach to help. I guess if there is something I am trying to convey anything in this paragraph it is that there is a level of obsession here I'm guessing beyond what most anyone knows, at least I'd imagine. I wake up everyday and start thinking about it. I go to bed thinking about it. I think about it the entire time in between. I think about it while I'm engaged in activities or conversation. Ah, and those last few paragraphs illustrate "it" perfectly. This issue for me has become an "it." I can enjoy life until I remember the big bad, "IT." And "it" has become insanely dense. "It" of course being my unmet desire for a girlfriend and all of the associated thoughts and feelings that keep me stuck.

(cont'd below)

In any case, I am some what better now. Basically I can stop the addictive behaviors now (marijuana, porn). My life is not such a mess. My relationships with family are cleaned up, money is better, I'm heading back to school to study psychology and just quit a job I didn't like. I even have a few real friends who are women for the first time. So this year is probably the first I wouldn't consider myself depressed. What still bugs me is the level of obsession about the issue. I still feel completely consumed by it. It's basically all I can think about. It's just better now because it's like I realized I have control over it all. I also know now I'm not ugly (at all!). My first real dates also happened this year. And I'm quite sure the main thing that stopped the relationship from developing was all of the garbage going on in my head about this. So now I know I'm not ugly, so what is the problem? I always think there's a problem. Now I feel like there's some invisible thing I am missing that would need to be there for a woman to be sexually attracted to me. Or even if they are, there's some universal conspiracy in place that mean I will never have sex. Karmic debt or something. I've gone so looney about this I've often wondered if I was a rapist or something or misused sex in a past life and now my soul never gets to experience it again as punishment, and always just has to feel the longing.

I see now though that the only thing blocking me is all in my head! I can then feel some optimism. I try to do affirmations, etc. I think they even work. But "it" is still there and can swallow me up and tears just well up in my eyes at times and it hurts soooo badly (like right now.... or a lot of times during a movie when any kind of romance scene happens.... or just randomly when I see a couple.... or just thinking about the past). I used to think it has gone on so long and attained such a density that it is unbeatable. Or what girl would ever want anything to do with a 25-year old virgin. I couldn't even tell someone I was a virgin without breaking down and crying because I thought it meant I was such a loser until a year or two ago. I know it isn't true but I think all that garbage is still operating in my mind.

(cont'd below)

Anyway, does anyone have suggestions about how to overcome this issue so I can get on with my life? Not even just so I can have a girlfriend, but so I can enjoy the rest of my life without this obsession ruining it......

I am mainly interested in using the paraliminals I mentioned in the first post to restructure my thought process, or even my identity. I am aware of the benefits or meditation and do try to practice it. I am pretty happy with the changes I've been making for myself, especially the last few months (dropping some addictions, going out on some dates, getting in shape and eating better) but the core of this remains. Just writing this out has been painful. I just need to get my mind thinking about it all in different ways I know. So please, any insights people have, I'd like to hear them.

As for the paraliminals, I'm excited to try them but when I listen I'm pretty confused. Off the top of my head, I have a few questions about the Belief one:

When installing a new belief, it's asking me to go back into my life "the first time I had that belief" and whatnot. Of course I didn't have that belief or I wouldn't be listening to the Belief paraliminal trying to install it 10 years later. So am I making up an event that didn't happen and pretending it did? Or am I imagining an event that happened and how it would have been if I did have the belief? Or am I supposed to be imagining myself in the future having the belief? I'm pretty confused about that one. I'll see what people have to say before I ask anything else.

I really appreciate you taking the time to read this and any direction you might offer me.

Thanks for the help Unis. I've been listening to Belief and New History Generator the last couple of days. It's probably too early to say if it's working yet, but I will say I had a great day at school today. I want to say it is. I'll definitely be posting on my progress here. If I have good results in the near future I'll be writing these guys a short novel of a testimonial, given everything I've tried up until now and still never quite getting over this hump in my mind.

I have to mirror Unis here- (Unis, you beat me to it, I was thinking the same combo as I read!)

There are several beliefs involved. take your time. And trust your unconsious mind. New History is one of my very favorite discs. Side A for cleaning up the past, and Side B for tweaking day-to-day learnings and goals.

For some reason, the New Options Generator came to mind...so I put it out there.

Anyways, moving on- One thing that will likely help you lots is to make sure you take time to appreciate. Every movement in the right direction, big or small, can be celebrated- that makes room for more success and invites it in. So, the dates, the choice to study, the great day in school, the increasing comfort with yourself, each of those things can be noticed and appreciated. The "Attitude of Grattitude" is very, very powerful.

Keep us posted as you develop!

vitaman

Mystery, Have you got the Abundance For Life course?

I think you would really benefit from the Feeling Exercise and especially the Inquiry Process.

If you don't have the course email me. I think you need to do the Inquiry Process so you can put some rockets under the Paraliminals you use.

Alex

Hi Mystery,
I hope you are feeling better....I just wanted to add something that has helped me, but has nothing to do with the paraliminals. I've carried some bad experiences with me from childhood as well, and found that I hvae been able to get over them now (26 yrs old) by writing a letter of forgiveness to the person/place/thing/or event of what has kept me negative all these years. You start out by explaining what happened, and you let out all your feelings about it, and then towards the end of the letter, you offer forgiveness to the person/situation etc. Once you're done, rip the letter up, and flush it down the toilet, or throw it away in a river or ocean. This has worked for me, and many friends. Sometimes you have to forgive the person involved, yourself, the place, the event. It depends. Try it, can't hurt. Good luck! I'll say a prayer for you.
Liana

Hi Mystery,

Well, for one thing you sure do express yourself well. And another thing is you know what you want to do with your life. So it seems to me you have a lot going for you. At my age (50 something) I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do, but I'm working on it!

Anyhow, I was feeling that feeling of needing to be in a relationship recently and what straightened me out was that.... the thing to do is to build up the love you have for yourself and then you will have created the space for the right person to come along... But by then you won't care if they do because the love that you feel inside will be sufficient unto itself!

Another thing is that you might like an appointment with someone who does touch for health... (I think that is the name of the modality). I went to someone yesterday and it was a very interesting experience. She hones in on what your issue is and clears it out... If you live close to the Georgia/NC border you would be nearby the lady I went to. Anyhow, just a thought....

You are doing great, btw,
scooter~*

Hi!

I know I am late with this, but I haven't been here in months. Maybe the thread author is not reading anymore, but I very much hope he does, because I think this could be important:

Quote:

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now my soul never gets to experience it again as punishment, and always just has to feel the longing.

But "it" is still there and can swallow me up and tears just well up in my eyes at times and it hurts soooo badly (like right now.... or a lot of times during a movie when any kind of romance scene happens.... or just randomly when I see a couple.... or just thinking about the past). I used to think it has gone on so long and attained such a density that it is unbeatable. Or what girl would ever want anything to do with a 25-year old virgin. I couldn't even tell someone I was a virgin without breaking down and crying because I thought it meant I was such a loser until a year or two ago. I know it isn't true but I think all that garbage is still operating in my mind.

(cont'd below)

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My comments are not about what CD's to use, but as I read the words above, I felt really really strongly that this issue is not about being able to experience sex. For one thing, you say quite clearly that you think being a virgin makes you a loser - that is not about sex, it's something else. I also have felt the things you have described (and I'm way older than you are). I think it has more to do with wanting to be/feel loved and accepted than about being able to have sex.

Just for the record, while a dying "breed", I think there are still women out there who might prefer a man who, mind you BY HIS DELIBERATE CHOICE, is still a virgin when she "finds" him. But the way that you are thinking now, you might only find women who will agree with you about yourself.

A final word about the Belief CD- since you already have a belief installed in you that you are ugly, and the other beliefs you wrote above, perhaps you ought to listen to side A where it asks you to UNINSTALL a negative belief you have. Then it asks you when you first had that belief, and so on.

I hope you get things figured out, good luck!